14 Hilarious Weekend Tweets That Had Me Wheezing Laughing

my 4yo used to climb onto my lap, take my face between his fat hands, and very seriously say to me, “Mommy. You are much too hot to be married to some MAN” when he was mad at his dad he would narrow his eyes and look over his shoulder and say “especially THAT one”

— 🌈Dr. Frizzle (@Swilua) May 4, 2024

Procreate is a crazy name tbh. drawing app called Fuck

— Ayushi (@dramatickles) May 3, 2024

Martha had me blacked tf out at 3pm https://t.co/KKkU6CRx5m

— Yung Gravy 🥧 (@yunggravy) May 3, 2024

parking garages be like pic.twitter.com/CAUxIPhxDl

— Eric (@odailybitch) May 4, 2024

hey sorry i didn't respond i started cooking a recipe that said it would take 30 minutes and it actually took 40 years

— trash jones (@jzux) May 3, 2024

7x3=21 has always been cunt. even as a 3rd grader i could recognize that

— Peter (@petermarietoto) May 4, 2024

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/7okRJJnK41

— S 💌 (@blueblrdhoneyy) May 3, 2024

may i be the fourth with you or whatever they say pic.twitter.com/Vi1UVEEk1g

— amaya (@himbokisser) May 4, 2024

I loveeee having 3 martinis I understand why my dad chose this over raising me

— 777 (@_garrettcharles) May 3, 2024

it looks like he’s guest starring on hannah montana https://t.co/xhx5Di8r7R

— DJ (@DonTheCreator_) May 1, 2024

I’m sorry but…. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 why would that dog bite that lady like that 😭😭😭😭😭 https://t.co/qpLo772y7i

— The Purse Dealer ✨ (@hausofsyy) May 4, 2024

Canadians speak like how I’d think a moose would if they could speak English https://t.co/eoAyEH9LzE

— f a y - #1 joe budden hater (@EBOYIIDA) May 4, 2024

Closing the laptop at the end of the week isn’t enough. You have to blow it up.

— Kar (@karlogan_) May 3, 2024