Yahoo Lifestyle Formerly Religious People Are Revealing The Reasons Why They Left Their Faith, And It's Honestly So Eye-Opening
Religion undoubtedly plays a significant role in many people's lives. For some, organized religion brings a sense of peace and purpose, but for others, it can create lifelong trauma and feelings of shame and inadequacy. Corrupt leaders, hate-filled teachings, and hypocrisy are just a few of the scenarios that can deeply impact a person's relationship with their faith...
So recently, I asked formerly devout people of the BuzzFeed Community to tell me about the turning point in their decision to leave their faith and received hundreds of responses. Here are some of their insightful stories:
Content warning: sexual assault, racism, violence, infertility, anti-LBGTQ, abuse, and death.
1."My youth pastor was actively advocating for the teens in his sermon to engage in actual violence against non-believers."
"He was talking about how TV and other distractions were taking people away from God, and he wheeled in a tub TV and bashed it to bits, shattering glass everywhere.
He then instructed his believers to pick up their bats to destroy things that oppose God. He tried to make it sort of seem 'metaphorical,' but he was absolutely trying to spur a violent mob mentality. It was horrifying. Everyone around me was screaming violent threats against Muslims and other groups. I silently left.
And that led me on my path to question my faith and eventually become an atheist."
2."I grew up as a Southern Baptist and left my childhood church after realizing it was full of the town's rich people. Even the youth director was such a snob he wouldn't acknowledge the non-rich kids."
"I joined a small Baptist church in high school and loved it because there was no snobbery. I was quickly accepted even though I had no family there. Another fish out of water was a 10-year-old Black boy who also had no family there. He was also the only black person. I adopted him as a little brother, and we always hung out. Everything was great until one day, the Preacher told a racist joke during his sermon. (The punchline was 'a bad negro.') Everybody in the congregation laughed.
I looked at my friend, who was shuddering, trying not to cry. I asked if he wanted to leave. He grabbed my hand, and we left. Neither of us ever went back, and I was officially done with that denomination. The pastor meant no harm, but the fact that everybody laughed did it for me."
3."My mom’s family is very religious, like the kind where you can’t sing religious songs or pray with family who aren’t the same religion as you. We grew up very poor. I started working at age 12 to help pay for my school clothes and supplies."
"At age 16, I got a fast-food job and was promoted to supervisor a year or so later, which came with a raise. The pastor of the church told my mom that I was sinning because the Bible says that women are subservient to men, so I shouldn’t be telling men what to do at work. I asked him to show me where it says that in the Bible, and instead, he brought me before the church and tried to shame me publicly. That was the beginning of the end of my relationship with organized religion."
—Age 49, currently in Nevada
4."I’m a bisexual man married to a woman. We were both raised very devoutly Christian — my family was at the church every Sunday morning, night, and Wednesday, or else people would say we were backslidden."
"I was in my 20s when I realized I was bi, but since I married a woman, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Still, I know that I can never tell my family I’m a member of the LGBTQ+ community because of their harsh views on the subject. My wife loves and accepts me as I am, but it hurts deeply to know that I can never share my true self with them because I know for a fact that they would choose their religious beliefs over a relationship with me, even though I 'fit' into their 'normal' view of marriage. Their bigotry in the name of religion has made me turn from religion as a whole. If a belief promotes families to turn on their children because of an identity they can’t control, then I want no part in it."—Josh, 34, Wisconsin
5."I don’t know if you could call me 'devoted.' My parents are atheists, but my grandparents are Anglican, and I used to go to church with them every single Sunday. I loved it, the singing, Sunday school, helping out at church events, and even Christmas recitals."
"But when I was 9 or 10, I wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to stay with my grandparents for the service instead of going to Sunday school - the Rev started talking about sin and 'bad' people, which turned into how this specific group of people were savages and how it’s in their blood to steal, take drugs and 'drink their life away' how it can be traced back to their ancestors. I was young, but figuring out he was talking about my people wasn't hard. I grew up in a very, very rich white community. I’m Polynesian (Māori and Tahitian). I remember looking up at my grandma, and she just squeezed my hand and told me how I knew it was not true.
I couldn’t believe no one said anything. I thought church was all about love and acceptance until that day. I have never felt so alone and isolated. From then on, I listened to everything he said and how everything had disgusting undertones of pure anger and hate. I’ve never been to a church since."
6."We were Southern Baptist. Our marriage was stressed due to careers and deployments. I called our pastor to request counseling, and he said, 'You can’t do that. Only your husband can request that.'"
"When my husband got home from work, he was furious with me for embarrassing him by telling the pastor our problems AND that I even called the pastor at all without his permission. Never mind the fact we were both officers in the military. We were divorced within a year, and I never set foot in a church again, nor will I join any religion. We spent every spare day and night volunteering with that church. It was refreshing to live in the real world again."
7."It was the summer between my 7th and 8th grade year, and I was in a vacation bible study at a pretty traditional Baptist church, the first year with the older teen kids. I made friends with a lovely Muslim girl at my school during the school year."
"She was the oldest of three or four siblings, the only girl. She loved soccer and music and making jokes. During VBS, I remember sitting on the stairs during an outside time, speaking to the teen's teacher, and asking him about a sermon from earlier in the week. I asked him, 'What about my Muslim friend? She's a sweet girl who takes care of her family. Does that mean she would go to hell because she doesn't believe in Jesus?'
Even at 13, I could tell this man did not want to tell me the answer that, technically, the hardcore Baptist Church we were a part of would require. Once I realized that Christianity was meant to be taken to heart as a black-and-white situation, I knew I couldn't continue trusting that institution with my heart."
8."I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for 13 years. It was very important to me when I was younger — there were several years where I wanted to become a nun — but I started to grow disillusioned as I got older. There was one final nail in the coffin for me, though."
"I had gotten married when I was very young, and the relationship was not particularly healthy. After he cheated on me for the third time, we decided to separate. Quickly after that, I met someone else that I fell deeply in love with. After struggling with this for a few weeks, I sought counseling from my parish priest, who I had known since I was a child. Two sentences in, he stopped and told me I was 'disgusting' and 'an affront to God for having an affair' and in 'a permanent state of mortal sin for a temporary feeling.' I burst into tears and left the rectory.
Two weeks later, one of this guy's other local priest friends was arrested for molesting children, and the priest that had made me feel so shitty made a huge deal during his homily the following week about how we need to forgive these priests for their mistakes in 'the same way Jesus would forgive.' The hypocrisy was astonishing — I was an affront to God for meeting a man without getting my previous marriage annulled, but the priest who molested a dozen children over 30 years was deserving of forgiveness. I haven't been back to any church since, eschewing a second church wedding to elope with the man I had 'temporary feelings' for in a barn, witnessed by cows."
—47, Pennsylvania
9."I left my former faith when I was 21-22. I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, and we had an issue of one of the church's magazines that proudly showed little pictures of all the kids who were 'martyred.'"
They all died because their parents withheld blood donations. I knew about the church's anti-blood stance, but I didn't realize how many people lost their lives because of it (the church always said that with blood substitutes and talented medical treatment, people usually didn't need actual blood transfusions.) That was the last straw. I had theological concerns that I'd been struggling with for some time but had just chalked it up to a lack of faith, but I finally realized that even if the JWs were right, I couldn't live the rest of eternity with people who thought this was okay, so I left."
—Beth, 48, Illinois
10."I was raised in a Presbyterian home. At a young age, I was molested, and when my parents found out, we moved to a new neighborhood, and they took me to counseling."
"The counselor read me a book that talked about how God was angry with me for letting someone touch me in 'my special places' that wasn't my husband. I got victim-shamed at seven years old. After that, I attended church out of obligation to my family. As soon as I moved out at 18, I didn't set foot in a church again unless it was for a wedding or funeral."
—Misty, 43, Washington
11."As a teen in a Bible study class at our family’s new church, the youth group leader was talking about how anyone who had not accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior would go to hell upon their death."
"Another student asked for clarification on babies (like those stillborn or in other countries who had never even heard of Jesus), and the youth leader ranted for a while and was adamant that they would go straight to hell, too. I decided right then that I couldn’t support such a cruel god, and even though it was a few years before I quit going to church entirely, that was the moment that ruined religion for me. Unborn babies going straight to hell for the 'crime' of not living long enough to be able to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior."
—33, Texas
12."I spent my childhood with (evangelical) church being a huge part of my life because my mom had spent her entire life as extremely devout. I started emotionally separating a bit in high school before coming back to it in college and early adulthood. I even explored the idea of becoming a missionary and dedicating my life to it."
"However, I always believed in a firm separation of church and state and the right for anyone to choose if and how they worship, and I've always been pro-LGBTQ. In 2008, there was a ballot measure to outlaw same-sex marriage in California. One Sunday, I attended the church where I had spent most of my life and saw piles of hundreds of signs supporting the ballot measure in their lobby. I noped right out of there and didn't set foot in that church again until my parents' deaths in 2020 and 2021 because they wanted their funeral services there.
After their deaths, I was able to do a deep dive into my own mental health and start to fully explore and repair the damage the evangelical church had caused, including heavy reliance on keeping secrets because you would be judged and ostracized, which left a lot of room for all kinds of abuse to occur. I don't believe in dwelling on regrets, but if there was one thing in my life I could change, it would be the influence the evangelical church had on so much of my life. Looking back, nothing good came from it, just a lot of destruction."
—45, California
13."My husband and I had tried for years to have a baby. A famous religious family with too many children had a TV show at the time in which they proclaimed they would take as many children as God would give them. Why give that family so many children but yet not give any to others?"
"It made me walk away from religion completely. We eventually had two children, but I cringe every time I hear someone say children are a gift from God. It is so insulting for people struggling with infertility that do not receive the gift."
—44, Wisconsin
14."My roommate and I grew up in the same church, so I assumed we had the same experience. While we were in college, she told me that her dad was abusive, cheated on and left her mom, and gave her an STI as a result of the cheating."
"When her mom reached out to the church for help as she was struggling to raise three young children on her own, the church leaders blamed her and said the only way forward was to forgive him and plead to take him back. I had NO idea this type of abuse was going on behind the scenes. She told me that's why she and her entire family left the church. It opened my eyes to the disgusting hypocrisy and misogyny of the faith, and I could never go back. "
—Anon
15."I grew up in a very religious family. I didn’t know till my 30s that it was considered evangelical, but that would explain some of the teachings when it came to women. I remember the exact moment I was done with the church."
"We were standing in line to speak with the pastor on Easter. We were all wearing fancy Easter clothes, and I asked the Pastor why I had to wear a hat, and my brother did not. He informed me that, as a woman, I wasn’t worthy of receiving God's blessing directly. It would have to go through the head man in the family. I then asked what would happen if my father wasn’t there to give me God's blessings. He said it would then be my brother's responsibility. I looked over at my little brother, who stuck his tongue out at me and said, 'Yeah, I’m the man.' I realized that there was no way in hell I was ever going to receive God's blessing, and this was a giant crock of shit for women. I'm out!"
—Rhoni
16."I was a devout Christian until I saw evangelicals and other conservative Christians start talking about Donald Trump like he is a 'savior.' Trump is one of the most unethical, ungodly, and narcissistic politicians who have ever lived."
"He is a felon who was found liable for sexual abuse and is on trial for other serious crimes, but many Christians still support him, and some almost worship him. Trump has stated that he does not ask God for forgiveness because he doesn’t make many mistakes (LOL). The Trump phenomenon led me to question whether Christianity is what I always thought. It turns out that my questioning resulted in a falling away from the Christian faith."
—Age 70, TN
What was the turning point that made you leave your faith? Share your story in the comments (or if you would prefer to stay anonymous, you can fill out this Google Form.)
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 (4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.
If you or someone you know has experienced anti-LGBTQ violence or harassment, you can contact the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs hotline at 1-212-714-1141.
