An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This 'Rude' Habit in Public

Habits—like exercise and saying "thank you" to people who hold the door—can be great for you and your relationships with others. However, bad ones can have the opposite effect, even if you don't mean any harm. You've likely heard about the risks of a sedentary lifestyle, but what about the impact of certain habits on relationships and how others we don't know perceive us?

"Our habits and everyday actions send messages, even if we do not mean for them to do so," explains Jules Martinez Hirst of Etiquette Consulting Inc. "These messages can unintentionally make others feel uncomfortable or judged. By understanding the effects of our habits and actions, we can make better choices that can foster kindness and promote an environment where people feel respected and valued."

Hirst says one habit is particularly rude in public, but it's common, and you may not even realize you're doing it, explaining that people who display this habit in public usually aren't trying to be rude, but it can come off that way. She shares the habit she hopes people stop doing ASAP and offers tips for nixing it.

Related: 22 Surprising Habits That Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' Psychologists Warn

The 'Rude' Social Habit To Break, According to an Etiquette Expert

Hirst really wants people to stop staring at others in public. "Staring is rude because it can be interpreted as intrusive and makes people feel uncomfortable and self-conscious," Hirst stresses. 

Notably, that doesn't mean you can't look at someone to acknowledge their existence or random act of kindness, like giving you the right of way even when they had it.

"A quick glance or friendly eye contact is appropriate, but staring puts people under an unwanted spotlight, and whether intended or not, it can be unsettling and even hurtful for the person being stared at," Hirst clarifies.

Hirst isn't trying to shame people for staring in public—people aren't usually trying to be mean, rude or make someone feel self-conscious. 

"Most of the time, people stare out of curiosity rather than malice," Hirst says. "Seeing something unusual, unexpected or interesting can cause a person’s gaze to linger a little longer than normal. Also, staring can be a result of seeing something that is outside our expected norms and thus looks longer without even realizing it...Our brains are programmed to notice things that stand out, so a stare is usually more of a reflex than an intentional one."

Also, you may not technically be staring at someone but giving them the vibe you are. 

"Staring can also be a result of daydreaming and focusing on someone while we are lost in our own thoughts," Hirst says. "Either way, these habits are easily remedied with awareness of our actions and how they impact others."

Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This Surprisingly Common Habit in Social Settings

3 Tips on How To Stop Staring in Public

1. Become more self-aware

Good or bad habits can become second nature, making breaking bad ones and starting healthy ones challenging. A little self-reflection can help you learn your behaviors, and Hirst says it's an essential first step to eliminating or at least reducing them (and potential harm to others).

"One way to avoid staring is to work on your self-awareness," Hirst says. "By understanding your actions, you can promote respectful behavior. If you have a habit of staring, take a moment every so often to check on your focus and make sure you are not staring at anyone."

2. Focus on something else

If someone seems "different" to you or you have a habit of daydreaming (while seemingly staring at someone), try to fix your gaze elsewhere habitually.

"Focus on the environment you are in as opposed to the people you are around," Hirst suggests. "By focusing on the buildings, the design and the colors, you are less likely to focus on a specific person."

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3. Redirect your gaze

Progress isn't linear, and you might slip up and stare at someone. Combine steps one and two—self-awareness and focusing elsewhere—to course-correct.

"If you catch yourself staring, quickly redirect your gaze," Hirst says. 

Try adhering to the three-second rule.

"You should try not to look at any one thing for more than three seconds," Hirst explains. "A quick glance is acceptable, but a lingering gaze can lead to issues."

The good news? You can break this habit genuinely with some intention. 

"By practicing these tips, you can break your staring habit and promote a more comfortable atmosphere for all around," Hirst shares.

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Source:

• Jules Martinez Hirst of Etiquette Consulting Inc.