Dylan Mulvaney On Making Her Red Carpet Debut

Performer, actor, creator, and media personality Dylan Mulvaney caught the world's attention with her social media "Days of Girlhood" series, offering a delightful glimpse at the high-highs and low-lows of the trans experience. Now, Mulvaney reflects on life before and after her transition in her debut memoir, Paper Doll: Notes From a Late Bloomer. Below, an exclusive excerpt from the book.

"DAY 30 of being a girl..."

...And I’m attending my first red carpet tonight! Sort of. The first one I was personally invited to. Technically, Alyah’s premiere for The Sex Lives of College Girls six months ago was my first red carpet. When Alyah invited me, I was so excited to attend a real Hollywood event. I hit up my favorite chunky knit designer, Hope Macaulay, who sent me a colorful custom dress. I was quickly ego-checked when I tried to step onto the carpet, just to find out not everyone invited gets to walk the physical carpet. I always imagined the carpet led straight up to the door, but, disappointingly, it’s in a side room that feels...less glamorous. I sheepishly walked up to the women with clipboards, explaining to the publicist ladies that the dress designer expected red carpet photos, and they took pity on me. This was my first lesson on the power of kindness in Hollywood and how humility can go a long way. I got to proudly walk next to Alyah and got some of my favorite Instas ever. Thank you, publicist ladies!

But tonight, I got an invite addressed to ME! It was for the Fashion LA Awards, which I hadn’t heard of, but you bet your ass that I’m gonna say yes to free drinks and a chance to get a good Insta post.

To prepare for the festivities, I worked with my first stylist ever this week, Branden. I like Branden because he’s young and talented, and most of all because he could work in my tight budget. Before today, I had no idea how stylists work. From what I’ve gathered, the stylist reaches out to a bunch of brands and drives around town pitching you to different designers in hopes that they’ll dress you. You pay the stylist a flat fee, and that includes accessories, shoes, and fittings. Alterations and shipping are extra. You do NOT get to keep the outfit, which is a little sad, especially if the stylist fee is more than the cost of the dress. But I guess that’s Hollywood, baby.

I’ve only been on the industry’s radar for about a month now, so I was thrilled when Branden showed up to my apartment with a rack full of the cutest clothes I’d ever seen. I tried on like five winning dresses, and it was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. P.S., that’s another sad part of this process—you try on so many cute things that you can’t show to anyone, and then they go back to the designer to be worn by some other cuntier pair of legs. A moment of silence for the dresses that don’t make the cut.

I went with an all-white cocktail dress decked out in feathers. I chose this one because it covered my chest so people wouldn’t know I was flat as a board. I was a little nervous that it gave White Chicks swan dress vibes (my editor has since informed me that Björk did it first, but I love a niche 2000s reference, so it stays), but this dress was more tasteful. I think. I hope? My style is “borderline Halloween costume” anyway, so the look was serving. Moroccanoil, a beauty brand, offered to do my hair for the event for FREE. I can’t believe someone is willing to do it for free...

Wait...have I talked about the PR gifting packages yet?

HONEY.

So, a brand DMs you with something like: “Hey girlie, we’d LOVE to send you our new *insert beauty product here* and it would be so amazing if you’d share it with your followers! XO.”

These packages are wasteful and problematic...but my god...I LOVE FREE SHIT. I have done enough therapy to realize that my love of free things comes from a deep scarcity complex in which I believe I am not good enough or talented enough or pretty enough to be given anything ever. Gifts, compliments, opportunities, I always feel like anything given to me will be taken away the second people realize that I’m not as good/talented/pretty as I seem.

So, for someone to send me something in the mail, on purpose, because they enjoy me and my platform, BLOWS MY MIND. I hope I always feel this grateful. This newfound fame is a slippery slope for me; while it has helped quiet some of my inner critic thoughts, it invites millions of other critics to the party. Sometimes I worry that I’m only becoming famous for being trans.

What happens when I’ve gotten my procedures and there are no more taboo topics to cover anymore? Part of me wants to enjoy this fame, but the other part knows that at any moment, it could burn me. As for now, I’m just gonna lead with humor and try to enjoy the ride.

Back on topic! The Fashion LA Awards—so, usually you would get your hair done at the same time as your makeup at home, but since this was a gifting service, I was instructed to go to a conference room to get my hair done first. The room was filled with other influencers propped in front of mirrors, sipping champagne and videoing themselves yelling over the sound of blow-dryers. I sat down, asked for a palm tree ponytail, and started peeking around to see what the other girls were doing. It amazes me how much influencers don’t feel embarrassed about making content in public. I can yap away to the camera in my canopy bed all day long, but once I hit the streets, I freeze up.

That changes today. I mimicked the confidence of the other influencer gals, snapping away at the different hair products, tagging everything in sight, champagne boomerangs, you name it. I was the only trans girl in the room, but the other girls asked me to be in their content, which made me feel nice. Being included by other women is something I will never take for granted.

Then, I had to rush home to have my makeup done. A makeup artist friend of a friend beat my face, and babe, it rocked my world. I wish that every trans femme human on earth could experience getting full glam done at least once. As surface level as it may sound, it is the most euphoric experience ever ever ever. I put the dress on and nearly cried looking in the mirror. I don’t think I passed as a cis woman, but it’s the closest I’d ever felt to actually loving what I saw in the reflection. No time for tears even if they’re happy ones—we can’t ruin the makeup!

The event was at the Beverly Wilshire, aka the hotel from Pretty Woman. I showed up on the early side, because I knew that I’d have a better shot of getting on the carpet if I got there before the big celebs arrived. This time, the clipboard ladies ushered me onto the carpet announcing my name to the photographers, who, to my surprise, actually took photos. I had no idea how to hold myself or pose, but I smiled as much as possible. I don’t understand why some celebs take themselves so seriously and only Zoolander on the red carpet. We look good, there are gift bags, we’re at an event, this should be fun?!

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I survived the chaos of the carpet and started to make my way around the room where the ceremony was being held. I didn’t get a plus-one, which didn’t bother me at all because I love hanging out with myself. It’s also a great way to network and meet new people because you aren’t tethered to someone else. I popped around to the brand booths because...repeat after me...WE! LOVE! FREE! SHIT!!!

I felt a tap on my shoulder as I stood in line at the bar and turned around to see the most beautiful blonde woman I’d ever seen in real life, then my brain caught up with my eyes and I realized it was Gigi Gorgeous. Oh my god. Gigi Gorgeous is standing in front of me. Gigi is an OG internet icon, documenting her trans journey on YouTube not dissimilar to mine on TikTok. I loved her vlogging style, and her videos were helpful on more than one occasion.

Paper Doll: Notes From a Late Bloomer is out now.

Credits

• Illustrations

• Debora Szpilman

• Photographer

• Christian Hogstedt

• Location

• Sunset Ranch in Hollywood

• Hair

• Angelina Panelli

• Makeup

• Laurel Charleston

• Stylists

• Annie Easton & Nora Foley

Read the original article on InStyle