Yahoo Lifestyle How to develop 'main character energy' – and why you need it
Stephanie Yeboah is the walking embodiment of 'main character energy'. Over the past few years, it’s a term that’s become part of the pop culture lexicon, a way of describing someone who treats life as if they’re the star of their own story. It’s about knowing who you are and taking control of your narrative. Main character energy might be viral on Instagram and TikTok, but it goes beyond that. Becoming our own leading lady requires the tough stuff: self-awareness, self-acceptance and solid self-esteem. As a well-travelled body positive activist and author, Yeboah has worked hard to shed any supporting role spirit.
Her second book, Chaotic Energy, stars a heroine who challenges how a lead protagonist should look and behave. Tems is a plus-size black woman, who – with all her flaws and missteps – shows unwavering commitment to her own storyline. No one puts Tems in the corner. “When I’m having a bad week, I now think, ‘What would Tems do?’” Yeboah tells me, with a laugh. “She’s chaotic, but she’s not scared to be vulnerable and – especially as a Black woman, where we are always taught to be strong and uncomplaining – it was important to me that she was very open. She knows who she is.”
Here, Yeboah offers her seven-step guide to mastering main character energy. Here's how to become the hero of your own life...
1/ Start your day with intention
“I have a notebook that I keep next to my bed and every morning when I wake up, I write five things that I am happy about when it comes to who I am. It could be something as a small as, 'I like the way my hair looks today', or it could be something nice I did for a friend. These things become a hymn I recite back throughout the day, and it has a real confidence-boosting quality.”
2/ Advocate for yourself
“When you show up for yourself at work or with your friends, it reinforces who you are and what you stand for. It’s another form of kindness and self-care. Advocating for yourself is seeing a doctor and, if he or she is telling you that they think you have a certain issue when you know it’s something else, voicing that concern. It’s calling someone out when they say something you really disagree with – and there is a way of doing that without causing a scene. Long-term speaking up will see you through. We might have great friends and family, but ultimately we only have ourselves to rely on 24/7. Trust yourself; treat your mind and body with the respect you deserve.”
3/ Learn to accept and love your body
“It’s been a long journey in learning how to accept myself physically, but it’s so important. For me, the change came when I started viewing my body as its own separate entity. I wrote a letter to my body as if it was a person, apologising for all the hatred I’d felt towards it. I finished that letter by saying: ‘No more. I am going to be unapologetic about taking up space in this world.’ My identity has been so tied up in how I look because of my afro, my size and the darkness of my skin. Simply existing was a political act – even if I didn’t want it to be. Existing in this body and wearing a mini skirt was political. Wearing a crop top was political. Fashion has enabled me to tell my story and defy the expectations placed on me by society in how I should present myself.”
4/ Own your hang-ups
"I used to have really low self-esteem over the stretch marks I have on my shoulders, which look yellow on my brown skin. I used to do everything to try and get rid of them; I even tried treatments that hadn’t been medically approved. One day, I decided to take pictures of my arms, which at that point I always kept hidden, with my very visible stretch marks and shared them on Instagram. I then deleted the app because I was so worried of the trolling, and at the end of the day I re-downloaded it, and couldn’t believe the positive stream of comments. It was exposure therapy; I took pictures of something that’s often perceived as a flaw and posted it on Instagram so that my followers were confronted with it. It helped me to reclaim my confidence.”
5/ Embrace solo travel
“I do a lot of solo travel, and it’s really helped me develop that sense of main character energy. When you travel on your own, it teaches you to fend for yourself, but also gives you the freedom to do whatever you want. It has increased my sense of self and confidence. The first time I went to Japan in 2019, I went alone. I climbed a mountain, broke my ankle and had to make my way to a hospital without speaking the language. When you manage to navigate a difficult situation solo, it makes you feel proud and empowered.”
6/ Don't confuse being confident with being an extrovert
“It's not about being extroverted. It’s about having a high degree of esteem and the confidence that comes from knowing that you are enough. When you know that, you can embody that feeling, both physically and mentally; people can see that and gravitate towards it. Self-knowledge and self-satisfaction – not to be confused with smugness which is a very different thing – are attractive to others.”
7/ Share the bad as well as the good
“We don’t have to show the best sides of ourselves on social media all the time. We have been conditioned to think that’s what will make us more popular. We think we have to share how carefree, busy or successful we are. I try to be honest – show how stressed you are if you feel comfortable enough. It’s important to balance the good and bad; no one is positive all the time. It’s great to post about the good, but when we tip the scale too much, it contributes to an unrealistic standard of how we should live. It’s also OK to share a photo of you with your feet up watching Family Guy because you’ve had a long week. A lot of our favourite heroines have (or had) bad days too, that’s why we love and relate to them. It’s what makes them – and us – human.”
Chaotic Energy
Chaotic Energy by Stephanie Yeboah, published by Trapeze, is available to order now.
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