Why you shouldn't tell your partner you cheated

·Yahoo Style UK deputy editor
Upset frustrated sad millennial woman feeling troubled with unwanted pregnancy, jealousy, abortion or bad relationship problems thinking of breaking up or divorce while boyfriend sleeping in bed
An illicit one night stand might not be worth confessing to your partner, an expert has claimed. Photo: Getty Images

Honesty is always the best policy – apart from when it isn’t, a leading relationship expert says.

Infidelity isn’t worth telling your partner about in certain cases, says New York based coach Susan Winter.

This is because it’s more ‘cruel’ to tell your partner about an affair in some cases rather than to keep it to yourself, she claims.

One in five British adults admit to having had an affair, according to a YouGov survey. And while for some keeping an infidelity secret might be morally reprehensible, Winter advises keeping it secret might be a better policy in cases of a brief, regretful fling.

Far from being a further slight against your partner, she claims it is out of consideration for the other party – saving them from the ‘burden’ of knowing you’ve cheated.

“The truth is that relieving one’s guilt comes at the direct expense of their mate,” Winter explains in an interview with The Independent.

“While honesty is indeed the hallmark of true intimacy, there are times when unburdening yourself results in cruel and unnecessary information that then burdens your mate.”

The litmus test for Winter? If you can’t remember what you did – think a drunken mistake – it might not be worth telling your partner about your unfaithful behaviour.

“If so, think twice before revealing an interlude you can barely remember the next day,” she said.

“This confession can only create harm, not good. Commit to moderation and learn your limits of indulgence.”

Different cases

It could be more selfish to tell your partner you've cheated, than to hide it. Photo: Getty Images
It could be more selfish to tell your partner you've cheated, than to hide it. Photo: Getty Images

So when should you confess to infidelity? If it’s a full-blown affair – rather than just a regretful one-night stand – that’s when you should think about confessing, she said.

“This was a choice made repeatedly that diverted your love and sexual expression away from your partner.

Such behaviour points to “a problem (that) exists within the relationship, or within yourself.”

However, she suggests you first consult a therapist to help you “express your personal needs within the relationship, and address the issues that are out of balance.”

Got a story tip or just want to get in touch? Email us at lifestyle.tips@verizonmedia.com

Want more lifestyle and celebrity news? Follow Yahoo Lifestyle onFacebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Or sign up to our daily newsletter here.

Our goal is to create a safe and engaging place for users to connect over interests and passions. In order to improve our community experience, we are temporarily suspending article commenting