“The Challenge”'s Michele reveals how she feels about Johnny Bananas after season 40 drama

Warning: This article contains spoilers for The Challenge: Battle of the Eras finale.

Karma was not a friend to Michele Fitzgerald at the end of The Challenge season 40.

While the Survivor winner dominated her first-ever Challenge final in Battle of the Eras, finishing in second place behind Jenny West, she was ultimately bumped down to third place due to her low Karma score — meanwhile, Rachel Robinson was elevated from third place to tied for first with Jenny.

After host TJ Lavin announced the results, Michele began to cry, and her former friend-turned-enemy Johnny Bananas Devenanzio celebrated her disappointment. "Nothing surprises me when it comes to Bananas anymore, but it hurts my feelings," Michele tells Entertainment Weekly.

Below, Michele breaks down her shocking and devastating end to the season, which rookie mistakes cost her the win, how she feels about Bananas now, and more.

Related: Johnny Bananas calls out 'bulls---' final twist on The Challenge season 40

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: You were so close to making it a three-way tie for first place. Not bad for your first final!

MICHELE FITZGERALD: I was the only female there who had never competed in a final before, so right away that's going to be a disadvantage for me. But I've competed in Survivor finals, and Survivor basically prepared me for the total mental breaking point that you reach and learning how to overcome that. We see Jenny struggling with it. I get frustrated at certain points in the final, but I never felt like, "this is my absolute limit." Everybody was sleep deprived and we weren't eating and I was like, "I am at home." Everybody was like, "We've never seen Survivor Michele so much before." I was lucky with the format of this final.

I don't think anyone knew just how much of a threat you are when it comes to swimming.

Look at the girls I'm up against — I knew that physically, I am not as strong as them. I think that their endurance is probably better. But what I did know is that I was a good swimmer and I'm good at puzzles. If you look at my placings, I was either totally fumbling the bag or dominating, and I wish I was a little bit more consistent. I do think that that has to do with the first time of me ever running a final and just not understanding how to not let the pressure overwhelm me when I was falling behind. Some of those last-place checkpoints will haunt me for the rest of my entire life knowing that I just lost by one point. But that's okay. That's what sleeping medications are for.

Which checkpoint do you think could have gone better for you? Like you said, only one point separated you from third and making first place a three-way tie.

Both of the ones that I came in last place, because what is so devastating and frustrating is that I was in the lead for both of those. Not seeing the skull in the barrel is such a rookie move. And the other one where my oar floats away, I was so frazzled at that point. But part of what you're not seeing is I was under the impression that we had to truly unwrap the cage completely to get the thing out, and when you're going down and you're so oxygen deprived, you're weak. That's why I was struggling to get up onto the platform. I really untied the whole thing, whereas people like Tori or whoever, they all just broke into the cage, which I was like, I am an idiot. I just wasted all of that time and so much energy diving down and down and down and down, and I did myself a disservice. If they don't specify that you have to untie the whole thing, then find your own way. There's always a shortcut that you could potentially take. As long as they don't say the rule, then it's not really a rule. That's really what I found in this entire experience, is that I truly am still a rookie compared to them.

You got second place, but Karma bumped you down to third while Jenny and Rachel tied for first. How do you feel about that now that you've had some time to process it and seen it all onscreen?

It's really strange because when it was happening, I was devastated. And then I was overjoyed because I was like, "Wait, I just f---ing crushed that. My family's going to watch it and they're going to be so proud. And it's over and I get to go see Devin." And then I'm now watching it back and I feel it all over again, and I'm reliving a lot of the bad feelings about it. My sister reminded me this was my first final and I should be proud of that. I've come in third place on Survivor, that was a jury vote. I'm well-versed in the fact that the things that you do in the game will come back and have an impact, so I guess I'm at peace with it. But anybody who I see that gave me ones and zeros, I'm f---ing coming for you. That being said, what the f---, Kaycee? What the hell? Why did I deserve that? I've worked with you every season that we've been on together. I thought she had more respect for me than that.

Related: The Challenge season 40 female winners talk historic tie: 'It's really a feel-good ending'

How do you feel about the Karma vote impacting the final results in such a big way for the women?

Obviously, Jenny took a hit as well; she has to split her first-place prize pot. But I do feel like I was the one who most personally was the victim of the Karma vote. We're having people who left episode 1 dictate who is going to win at the end. I think that it's tricky to give that much power to people who haven't really gotten a chance to play the game and know me. We see juries on Survivor and on Big Brother, and it's something that you tailor your game around. If the Karma vote was something that would be brought back, I think that it's in everybody's best interest to know that and to know that we're catering to the jury. I got crucified when I entered The Challenge because I did what people perceived as jury management, and jury management is what I could have used a little bit more of here. I've burned a lot of bridges in my years here, so there's that.

What did you think about how there is no second place? If Rachel and Jenny tied for first, you still should technically be second place.

Yeah, I would've loved for them to split their first place and then give me second place, give Tori third. That sucks. I would've placed third out of everyone if it was not divided male and female. Me, Jenny, and Jordan were top three for majority of things. But Jenny won $400,000 without the Karma vote and now she has to split that, so I'm trying to look at it as we're all sort of taking some Ls here. Like Tori won nothing, so it sucks. I'll find ways to cope. I lay my head down every night thinking about the million dollars that I won on Survivor, and I try not to be a greedy bitch. Share the wealth! It was interesting seeing two people who were sort of my nemesis on the season sweep it out from under me, so there was a little bit of bitterness there. Bananas was rubbing it in during the episode, but ultimately I had no real ill will towards anybody. I think people would have been unhappy if the Karma votes had bumped me up and bumped Rachel down or something. But I think people will be happy that Rachel is placing first.

Did Bananas surprise you with how much he was celebrating your disappointment there?

Nothing surprises me when it comes to Bananas anymore, but it hurts my feelings. It doesn't get easier to watch. When somebody who was my friend prior to this says things like he loves seeing me lose, it's f---ed up. We would've got the picture if he just said, "I'm so grateful to see my girls Jenny and Rachel win." You don't have to do the dig, but Bananas has to do the dig. That's just what I'm learning about him, is that he has to do the one last thing to seal the deal. He said it's poetic justice that I lost, but it's truly poetic justice that me and him, who have been just at each other's throats this whole season, came in the same exact place. Me and Bananas did all of the dirty work, and then we both landed in third. It's funny that it ended this way. Bananas, you can't really make fun of me. You landed in the same spot as me and you have 12 finals that prepped you for this moment.

Related: The Challenge's Cara Maria reveals why final season 40 elimination got so intense

How are you and Bananas now?

We have talked a lot about it after the show. I have a hard time letting go of things. You can see I'm a very emotional person, but I also am a very forgiving person and understanding, especially as somebody who makes a lot of mistakes. He was very much like, "This was for the game, but you're my friend in real life." And for me it was a little bit harder to separate those two things. Where we sit now, I mean, he keeps coming for my boyfriend online, which is a little bit annoying, but I love Bananas. I find him to be really fun and funny. Devin knows that, Bananas knows that. But I think that forever there's going to be this kind of asterisk on our relationship after the season. I think that's inevitable, sadly.

This all started because you and Devin got together this season, so it was a mix of both game and personal all around.

And we get into it at the reunion. We air it out publicly and really dissect why it and how it all actually came about and maybe get down to some intentions. It was a little bit therapeutic. And turns out, every one of us was hurt. And at the end of the day, everybody wants the same thing, which is the respect of the other person.

How did this season affect you as you look ahead to future seasons?

I'm going to take a little bit of a breather. I obviously am in a relationship with Devin, and we both have some goals outside of this to set our lives up a bit. And also just because I've run so many back-to-back, I have literally been either filming or it's been airing consistently for me for maybe about two-and-a-half years. I don't want it to be my whole thing. When it starts to become your entire thing, then it becomes much more personal. Getting a little bit of balance back in my life is necessary. Then I'll reenter the world and I'll get my second life with a little bit more experience [under my] belt. Maybe I'll start training cardio. Maybe I'll come back looking like Jenny. Nah, I love wine too much.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

The Challenge: Battle of the Eras reunion airs Wednesday, Jan. 15, at 8 p.m. ET/PT on MTV.

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