I Swear I'm Going To Tell My Doctor I Did Cardio After Laughing At These 34 Fails From Last Week
Kelley Greene
·3-min read
Editor's Note: While we can't endorse what X has become, we can bring you the fun moments that still exist there, curated and free of the surrounding chaos.
Well, well, well — we did it, team! Monday was a total nothing-burger. Sure, it was a federal holiday, but from my perspective, Mondays have been defeated. Seems like the best course of action for us now is to enjoy the fruits of our labor along with these 34 hilarious internet fails from last week:
1.There goes your retirement savings.
Broken eggs and a cracked carton on a kitchen floor, reflecting a light source
2.Yum, "cheessteaks!"
Sign on building reads "CHEESESTEAKS" with "#1 SOUTH JERSEY'S CHEESESTEAKS" below
3.These are the complaints of a person who does not own a plunger.
Text exchange with humorous request to use the restroom before visiting, stating, "cus u a toilet killer fr."
4.See you there!
Tweet expressing dissatisfaction after spending an hour scrolling on Twitter, sarcastically noting feeling worse
5.Beverly!! Get back here!
Tweet: A man in his mid-30s at Pan Pacific Park is pleading with his dog, named Beverly, to behave, saying, "Beverly, please!!"
6.At least she was nice about it.
Tweet recounting an amusing encounter with Amy Poehler, mistaken for a family friend
7.The real stages of life are finishing school, getting a job, and playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
Tweet from Meg about catching up, mentioning wedding planning and playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure
8.It's the "my ex just texted me" for me.
Screenshot of Instagram notifications with messages like "sorry hey how you doing," "my ex just texted me," and "you work today??"
9.A, B, C...you know the rest.
A person reorganizing CDs with an alphabet chart on their phone for reference
10.Instant regret.
Text exchange with two messages: "hi" and "you're the prettiest girl I've seen in my life" from July 15, 2021, followed by a photo response and "NOOOOOOOOOOOO"
11.The true definition of "puppy love."
Small puppy sits next to a heart-shaped pee puddle on a wooden floor
12.And why not?
Screenshot of a tweet: "Benny Blanco gets Selena Gomez a bath full of queso dip for Valentine's Day." Comment below: "So I'm not gonna click that."
13.Honestly, kind of surprised MTV doesn't have a show called "Asshole."
Image of text messages about a person holding a "Be Mine" heart and a rose. A name "Cody" comments, with humorous text responses below
14.Aging comes for us all.
Zinc and Vitamin D3 supplements next to a small square box with a circular design, placed on a table with books in the background
15.How rude.
Tweet by Colm Flynn: He shares disappointment about not receiving a Valentine's card from a longstanding secret admirer for the first time in 20 years
16.Expenting something exciiting, eh? Is it frossy pesta?
Chalkboard sign with "Something exciting, expect soon" and food illustrations like pasta, tacos, beer, and cocktails
17.Maybe I'm meeting someone there, sir!
Tweet from user saying they asked an Uber driver to speed up so they won't be late to a movie and the driver humorously responds with a dramatic joke
18.A simple misunderstanding.
Text conversation about playing Magic: The Gathering and joking about self-harm in context
19.Shoes off or on?
Tweet about a traveler making a mistake at TSA, removing a laptop while it was still in the bag, and wanting to be flawless on the return trip
20.Your package is being held; just click this link and enter your social security number.
Notification showing a suspicious email from an address mimicking the USPS at 7:27 AM. Tweet caption reads, "oh i'm sure"
21.The thief is a debut author trying to make the bestseller lists.
Tweet by @4theloveofRay_ about a $600 fraudulent charge at Barnes & Noble, described as "academic thug behavior" with crying face emojis
22.Human Torch, is that you?
Burned scissors with melted plastic handle on a desk; caption jokes about trouble using scissors
23.X marks the spot.
A hand holds a sour candy shaped like a chromosome in a kitchen setting
24.So, should I assume now that if my food does *not* have a "no monkey labor" label, monkey labor was involved?
Hand holding coconut milk can labeled "No Monkey Labor," with a comment expressing surprise about the use of monkey labor
25.Happens to the best of us.
Tweet by @slameronburger: "I forgot to get an internship when I was 17 now everything in my life is like this."
A kitchen sink with dishes and utensils, accompanied by a tweet humorously mentioning feeding someone hot oil
27.iPhone is glass half-empty, AirPod is glass half-full.
Tweet shows a comparison: 54% battery on a phone (yellow) feels bad, while 54% on AirPods (green) feels good. Reflects on being positive
28.Well, I guess that means it's fixed.
Tweet about discovering a mechanic driving the user's car due to auto-payment notification for EZ tag; 32 trips mentioned humorously
29.I only check my messages when I'm taking my pills.
Text message reads: "Why u text me once a day like im a vitamin" with a time stamp of 9:53 PM
30.Honestly, though, we don't know what those apples did to deserve it.
Tweet by Rodney Lacroix jokingly suggests a grocery cashier is handling apples roughly, as if they wronged her personally
31.The bathroom's in the back, sir.
Tweet by Lindsay: "I was at a hair salon and a guy with a buzz cut sat down beside me and told the hairstylist: 'I’m going to do a Number Two.'"
32.Never hurts to take a quick glance at the ingredients list.
Tweet by Julie: "I just saw a mom act all holier than thou for 'using acetaminophen instead of Tylenol' for her kids and I just want to sit her down and tell her something..."
33."Downfall apparent."
Two phone notification previews: One from "mother conference," about delaying a transition for safety; the other from "Logan," about renewing a license and getting new glasses
34.And finally, "I got crumbs in my bed, and they won't go..."
A tweet reads: "My wife woke me up at 3am by tearing open a package of graham crackers and eating them in bed next to me."
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