Bride Mails Wedding Invitation with Confusing Letter to Groom’s Ex: 'So Sorry You Became Collateral Damage'

• In January, Cara Kim was mailed a wedding invitation and a letter from her ex-boyfriend's fiancée, whom she has never met

• The handwritten letter was masked as an apology, but Kim interpreted what was written as that she "never mattered" to the groom and was only a "rebound" or "placeholder"

• Kim ultimately ignored the message and did not attend the wedding in May

A woman explained how she took the high road after being mailed a letter and wedding invitation from her ex-boyfriend's fiancée.

In a TikTok posted on Dec. 18, Cara Kim shared photo proof of the wedding "Save the Date" and a handwritten letter, dated Jan. 18, 2024. "Being hard on myself feeling like I didn't achieve enough this year," she wrote alongside the photographs. "What I actually achieved: Received a letter and wedding invite from my ex-boyfriend's (now) wife saying I never mattered to him (he was my first love 😀) and chose to ignore it instead of being petty."

On the surface, the letter isn't nasty and instead apologetic. "Dear Cara: I had a few extra that I used for prototyping, so I figured I'd send you one with this note," the bride wrote on a notepad decorated with pink and red hearts. "Thank you for keeping Martin company while I was figuring out what it was that I wanted. I'm so sorry you became collateral damage as soon as I did. I apologized to Martin for my indecision causing him so much pain, but I never got the chance to apologize to you. I wish you all the best!"

Related: Bride Says Fiancé's Wish for a 400-Person Wedding ‘Makes Me Want to Crawl into a Corner and Hide’

The bride, whom Kim has never met, signed the letter with an "xoxo" before adding a postscript message with her phone number, though noting that a response from her wasn't necessary.

Kim was confused as to why she was receiving an apology and said she could read between the lines.

"It just felt like she wanted to show me that they're getting married and basically explain that I was just like a placeholder or like a rebound for Martin and that's why he was with me, which I didn't know that," Kim said in a second TikTok video. "I just feel like she wanted to let me know that, so didn't feel very nice."

She added that she doesn't know why the woman would think she cares, considering they broke up years ago. "We broke up so long ago. He's so far removed from my life."

Kim, who graduated from Vanderbilt University in May 2024 per her LinkedIn, explained that her former relationship with Martin began during her freshman year when he was a senior.

"It was a pretty serious relationship," Kim said in her second video. "At the beginning of our relationship, we went over our previous romantic history. He told me that he had this best friend in college and they became a thing, and then she ended it, and then they were no longer best friends."

Because her then-boyfriend "seemed really sad" about losing his friendship with his ex, she decided to not ask any follow-up questions and "dropped it."

At the end of that school year in May 2022, the couple planned to have a long-distance relationship for three years because Kim was still in school while Martin had just graduated and was relocating to another city to start a new job.

"He dumps me at the beginning of my sophomore year. I literally never stood a chance," Kim noted. "I was heartbroken, literally shattered. Just kidding, it was fine. I was sad but I had to move on."

But Martin didn't just break up with her, he blocked her on everything — "literally every platform that you could name" — which left her with no way to contact him.

It didn't take long for Kim's ex to move on by dating his former best friend.

"They started dating like a month or two after he dumped me," she shared. "So obviously, I was like 'Oh, my God. What the hell?' "

Although Kim was upset, there was nothing she could do about it so she moved on with her life. She hadn't thought or cared about the relationship until the end of her senior year this January when she received the letter and wedding invitation in her college's mailroom.

At the time, she was expecting a pink keyboard cover that she had recently ordered, but was shocked to see Martin's girlfriend's name on the envelope. She thought, "Oh, my God. That's such a weird coincidence," and ripped open the mail to find the "Save the Date" and the handwritten letter.

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The wedding took place on May 26 in Little Rock, Ark., though Kim did not respond to the letter or attend the nuptials.

Commenters on TikTok called Martin's wife "insecure" and "insane" for sending her the letter and invitation, and joked that Kim should send her a "Get Well Soon" card.

"She probably felt like she 'won' but did she? She's still thinking about her husband's ex," one TikTok comment that Kim liked highlighted.

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