Yahoo Lifestyle The boy sober movement has finally found its anthem
It’s no secret that heterosexual relationships are in crisis. Men don’t seem to particularly like women; women don’t seem to particularly like men. There’s a growing divide between the two when it comes to political views. And the dating landscape is, as everyone keeps telling us, harder to navigate than ever.
All of this has led to a lot of straight women rethinking their priorities, putting their relationships with themselves and their friends before romantic ones — and sometimes, like with the boy sober and celibacy movements, even forgoing sex and dating completely. (Men, meanwhile, aren’t handling the heterosexual crisis all too well, with some of them blaming feminism for all their problems and turning to inceldom, Tate, and Trump for guidance.)
I know what you’re thinking, though: the one thing lacking from this actually pretty serious hetty crisis is a really good soundtrack. Well, worry no more! Now, this romantic malaise finally has its own anthem — courtesy, of course, of TikTok.
Young single women are using the app to announce that they have finally listened to the lyrics of Candi Staton’s “Young Hearts Run Free”, and are realising that, actually, being single can be great. In case you, too, have often drunkenly screamed along to Staton’s renowned track without properly taking in what you’re singing about, here’s a snippet of the lyrics: “What’s the sense in sharing this one and only life? / Ending up just another lost and lonely wife? / You’ll count up the years and they will be filled with tears.”
Relatable, I know. The song continues: “My mind must be free to learn all I can about me / I’m gonna love me, for the rest of my days.”
Crucially, people are acknowledging that there’s no rush to ‘settle down’ with someone — especially if the relationship isn’t a particularly happy one — and that your 20s should be all about fun, experimentation, and, yes, sometimes learning from dating mistakes. “Don’t get me started on how every woman should be single in their 20s,” one TikToker captioned a video of her singing along to the track. Another wrote: “The way this song made me wanna be single for the rest of my life.”
The trend is yet another notch in the belt of the single positivity movement, which has gained traction over the last few years, with people — mostly straight women — rebranding singledom as an empowering choice, as opposed to its former reputation as something to be ashamed of. Celebs have gotten involved, too, with Emma Watson once describing herself as “self-partnered” and Taylor Swift recently reclaiming the stereotype of the “childless cat lady”. There’s even scientific evidence to back up this positivity, with studies showing that unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population. (Admittedly, the movement has its flaws: by blindly championing singledom as ‘empowering’, it has a habit of erasing those for whom being single tends to be more lonely than empowering, like the elderly, socially isolated, or otherwise marginalised in society.)
The boy sober movement is an off-shoot of this — it’s a reaction to dating app fatigue and the continual disappointment of modern dating, defined by ghosting, situationships, and the endless swipe. But it also encourages women to take a step back, ruminate on what they really want out of their love lives, and, in the meantime, to forge deeper connections with themselves and their friends. Or, as Candi Staton puts it, to “run free / Never be hung up / Hung up like my man and me”.
Of course, we should all work towards solving the growing divide between men and women, and keep in mind that, when good, romantic relationships can be fulfilling, transformative, and — surprise! — fun. But, at a time of political upheaval and romantic turbulence, it is also nice to have a little dance and remember that life is (hopefully) long, love comes in lots of different forms, and to be thankful that, as a single girlie, you’re at least not having petty arguments over whose turn it is to cook dinner.
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