“The Bachelorette” recap: A blow up Down Under

Jenn and her 18 potential husbands head to Melbourne, Australia, where all the men take a real dislike to Devin.

This week on The Bachelorette, Jenn and her suitors fled the (rat-infested?) Hummingbird Nest Ranch and began their international “journey” to find “love.”

Let’s recap!

Welcome to Melbourne — Jenn’s right, it’s pronounced MEL-ben — Australia, rose lovers! Jenn is really excited to see her 18 “very, very hot” men, who have just touched down at Tullamarine Airport. Um, Aaron Erb, would you please put your shirt back on? You’re in public, bro!

Honestly, apologies to all Australians for having to listen to the contestants attempt Aussie accents while saying things like “G’day, mate” and “land down undah.” (Though I will say, “none of these other guys koala-fy as husband material” was a pretty great pun.)

The first international outing of the season goes to Sam “Love Virgin” N., Marvin, Brian, Jonathan, Aaron Erb, Grant, Jeremy, and Devin. (Producers break with tradition and have Thomas N. read the date card, even though he’s not included in the group date.)

The guys meet Jenn at the Queen Victoria Market for a consumption-oriented hang. First up: Vegemite tasting! Grant describes the taste as “soy sauce peanut butter,” which honestly doesn’t sound that bad to me. But clearly, Jenn does NOT love it.

To wash it down, a nice vendor serves the group some “desert oyster shots,” which is a shot of local whiskey featuring a kangaroo meatball. But not just any meatball.

Love how the salesman waited until after Grant started chewing the meatball to announce this. (By the way, if there are any Australians reading this, is the “desert oyster shot” a real thing in your country, or did producers just make it up to torture the contestants? Please let us know!)

“It’s been a crazy day,” says Jenn. “I had a kangaroo testicle in my mouth.” Still, she appreciates how the men on the date are doing what they can to create “special moments” with her by sampling the new foods. All of them except Sam N., that is. Strike one was when he told Jenn he doesn’t like olives (“I love olives!” she replied), and now he won’t try the cheese because he “can’t do dairy.” I mean, the guy’s gotta look out for his GI system, for sure, but Sam N. fears that he’s “falling behind on a race that hasn’t even started yet.”

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On the other hand, Devin is determined not to get “lost” in this octo-pod. “I have a surprise for you,” he murmurs to Jenn. “But we have to be quiet.” As he whisks her away from the stall where they’re shopping, the other guys start to grumble. “I feel disrespected,” says Aaron Erb. “We’re on a group date. It should be a group date. For Devin to pull Jenn away, it’s like, ‘Who do you think you are?’” A contestant on The Bachelorette, bro! Who do you think you are?

Jeremy suggests that they go “take her back” and leave Devin “in the dust.” But first, they’ll have to find them — and I’m sure producers gave Jenn and Devin a serious head start.

The Bachelorette is impressed by Devin's initiative. “It’s all about those little moments, and Devin wants to make his own little moment, which I love,” she gushes. That said, Jenn admits that “it is a little bit awkward when the boys come.” And come they do. Aaron Erb jokes about their date being “interrupted,” and when Jenn says she feels bad about it, he is quick to take a shot at Devin: “That’s all right — it wasn’t you.”

Perhaps it’s time to lighten the mood! Jenn and her suitors head inside a comedy show, and as soon as they sit down, a woman named Bec Charlwood immediately begins roasting the men. “Ooh, we’ve got some latecomers here,” she says. “That’s so interesting. You look like the kind of guys that usually come early.” (BURN!) Of course, we know where this is going, rose lovers. Ms. Charlwood informs the guys that they have 10 minutes to write some “zingers” and perform them in front of a group. Jenn needs a man with a sense of humor, after all. Instantly, the men start sweating.

That’s okay, Jonathon. Self-awareness is important, too.

Devin goes first, and he razzes the guys for “bro’ing out” rather than focusing their attention on Jenn. (A few bonus points for his use of “fraternal,” which I’m guessing most Bachelorette contestants can’t spell, let alone use in a sentence. (The bar is very low with this group, rose lovers.)) Naturally, many of the other men try to insult Devin during their time on stage. Jeremy calls him “ugly”; Grant says he’s “full of s---”; and Aaron Erb has the best line, calling Devin the “budget Pete Davidson.”

That should have been the end of it — but Aaron Erb just can’t let it go. He goes into the afterparty determined to make Devin “come clean” about stealing Jenn away. Bro, didn’t your twin brother tell you ANYTHING about how this show works? Your naiveté is a little embarrassing. As soon as he has an opportunity, Aaron Erb needles Devin for his bold “steal” during the date. “It seemed maybe a little too soon,” he says. Devin is completely unbothered, which makes Aaron Erb even more bothered.

Other guys, like Jonathon, choose to focus on their time with Jenn. He and Jenn bond over being awkward kids who later had a “glow-up.” When Jonathon asks Jenn when she came out of her awkward phase, she jokes, “I don’t know — yesterday?” (Ahoy! Do I spot a personality on the horizon?) (Sorry, that was mean.)

Grant goes in hard, asking Jenn what shaped her into the woman she is today. Kind of a broad question, but at least he seems to listen to her answer: Growing up with divorced parents, working since she was 14, learning to be grateful for what she has. And Jenn appreciates that Grant is ready for a family — in fact, that’s his current “mission” in life. “It really touched my heart,” she admits. Meanwhile, I appreciate that Grant seems open to taking Jenn’s last name — on the off chance they ever get married.

Oh my God, is Aaron Erb still yapping about Devin stealing Jenn on the date? Okay, this is now starting to smell more like “maneuver to get extra camera time” than “genuine grievance.” It’s bad enough that he calls Devin “Dylan,” but then to accuse him of not being “ready” to settle down when he’s literally known the guy for like 48 hours? Noah, call your bro and tell him to stop being so thirsty for a slot on Paradise. It’s really cringe.

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As annoying as Devin is, he handles this unprovoked attack calmly. “I’m not here saying your way is wrong, or your way is right,” he tells Aaron Erb. “So, I don’t think it’s fair for you to say my way is wrong or my way is right.” All he did, Devin continues, is take advantage of an opportunity to spend time with Jenn. “I haven’t seen you take charge,” he tells Aaron Erb. “I don’t think that she wants somebody that’s going to sit around and focus on what other people are doing.” Ugh, not Aaron Erb making me take sides with budget Pete Davidson.

After all that, the elder Erb has the audacity to announce that he doesn’t want to “get pulled into drama.” Instead, he sits down with Jenn and playfully whines about how hard the group date was for him because he’s sometimes “passive” when it comes to “asserting himself.” (Oooh, what every single woman wants to hear from a potential partner!)

In case you were wondering what the producers have been doing this whole time, wonder no more.

Yep, they gave Devin a room-service cart and a big bowl of ice cream and sent him in to interrupt Aaron Erb’s chat with Jenn. (The demented “Pop Goes the Weasel” ice cream truck music was a nice touch, too.) Aaron Erb asks for a minute to finish up his chat with the Bachelorette, but Devin declines. “The ice cream’s melting, Aaron,” he says. “I really can’t.” Say it with me, rose lovers: The devil works hard, but Bachelorette producers work harder.

While Jenn and Devin have their chat, Aaron Erb stands outside and stews in his own hate juices. Jeremy encourages him to go back in and kick Devin out, which the elder Erb does. Jenn is clearly uncomfortable, as anyone would be in this situation, so she assures Devin that there’s “plenty of me to go around” and that everyone will get their time. Honestly, I wish producers would just let the lead handle these conflicts themselves — but that’s not how they roll.

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Oh my God, is that Devin walking in again to interrupt Aaron’s interruption? This is getting ridiculous. “I feel like I’m in a tug-of-war,” Jenn says with a sigh. “Don’t make a fool of yourself, man,” Devin murmurs. “Get up.” Aaron Erb declines, and the bickering continues. Yo, boys, READ THE ROOM! This dick-swinging nonsense is not scoring you any points with the Bachelorette.

“I’m not loving that Aaron and Devin are battling it out right now,” says Jenn. “It’s not really up my alley.” She asks Devin point-blank if he’s getting along with the other guys. “Absolutely,” he lies. Still, she kisses him. Blech. The true tragedy of all this toxic masculinity is that it kept us from seeing more from this handsome gentleman.

Justice for Marvin!

Let’s just get this night over with. I’m going to skip over the rest of the Aaron Erb-Devin silliness and move right to the date rose. And the “winner” is…

Congrats, buddy. Okay, Devin and Aaron Erb — please go back to the hotel with the guys and think about what you did. The Bachelorette has some ice cream to finish.

Relatable.

On to the first one-on-one date of the season, which goes to Marcus the Army Ranger. As we know from his intro, Marcus is no stranger to jumping out of planes — and this franchise is no stranger to making people plunge into the void while screaming “love is like a leap of faaaaaaaith!” In other words, rose lovers…

The Bachelorette does NOT love it. She hates heights and is nervous as hell. (“You ready?” “No!”) As they’re ascending to 15,000 feet, Marcus tries to calm Jenn’s nerves. “No matter what happens, like, you’ll never forget — I’ll never forget this first date.” Unless your parachute doesn’t open, pal. Then you’ll never remember anything again. I kid, I kid. Everything goes smoothly.

“Being able to overcome that fear, I realize that I have a lot more strength and courage than I thought,” says Jenn, who giddily smooches Marcus once they’re both on the ground. “I feel like this is a great beginning to maybe a beautiful love story,” she says.

That night, they go to dinner at the State Library Victoria. Marcus diligently Opens Up™ about his traumatic final deployment as an Army Ranger, which ended with him being blown up by a grenade. “It changed my life,” he says solemnly. “But a bunch of my best friends — who are all brothers and sons and uncles and husbands and dads — risked everything to come back and make sure that I went home.”

Over the next few months, Marcus had multiple surgeries and had to learn how to walk again. “Now I’m just kind of hyper aware of the fragility of life,” he says, tearing up. “I want to live a life that is worth saving.” Oh my God, Jenn — just give him the date rose NOW! (If you don’t, I’ll get divorced, apply for this show, become the next Bachelorette and give him the final rose myself.)

Phew.

It’s a beautiful day in the Outback, and Jenn is posing for pictures with a koala. “I love animals so much,” she says. “I like them more than I like people.” (Same, girl.) This brings us to the second group date of the week: A wildlife photo shoot. Because Jenn needs a man with a sense of humor and a love for animals.

Jenn greets Spencer, Sam M., Tomas A., Hakeem, Thomas N., Austin, John, Jahaar, and Dylan, and introduces them to Xavier, a wildlife expert, and Eric, a photographer. Xavier explains to the men that they’ll be posing with some of Australia’s most famous (and potentially deadly) wildlife. Eric adds that the man who does the best job will get a romantic dinner with the Bachelorette, while the rest will have to “mosey on back to the hotel.”

Please welcome Blue the lace monitor lizard to the proceedings!

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Very photogenic. All the animals are cute in their own ways — the barn owl, the woylie, the sugar gliders, the thing on Thomas N.’s shoulder that may be a bandicoot. But with every successive creature, Hakeem gets more and more nervous. “It’s so important to get that special dinner, and I’m going embrace whatever is given to me,” he says. “But I do not like this Australian wildlife — specifically those big-ass, furry spiders.”

Come on, Hakeem! You know better than that! Voicing a specific fear out loud on The Bachelorette is akin to saying “I’ll be right back” in a horror movie — it means you’re screwed, buddy. Don’t just take my word for it.

Behold, the most honest Bachelor franchise caption of all time. Cut to:

Yes, that is a big-ass spider on Hakeem’s hand. And he is absolutely losing his mind. “Stop f---ing moving! Stop f---ing moving!” Hakeem shouts at the arachnid, which is making good time as it crawls up his arm. When Xavier scoops Goldie the spider off Hakeem’s shoulder, he still can’t relax. “Don’t put that s--t on my neck!” he screams. Jenn, who has been urging Hakeem to take deep breaths throughout this entire ordeal, gently assures him that the spider is not, in fact, on his neck.

I’m sorry, but we simply cannot end this segment of the recap without pausing to admire a few of Hakeem’s best “freaked out by wildlife” reaction shots.

At least he didn’t wet himself when Xavier put the spider on his hand — which I probably would have done. (Normalize men showing fear on camera!)

The final animal model of the day is Melanie, a black-headed python. Jenn does NOT love the idea of posing with said reptile, so Dylan steps up to keep her company.

And guess what? Dylan’s kindness earns him the one-on-one dinner. Though Hakeem is disappointed, he believes his mom would be proud of him. “She knows I’m afraid of bugs,” he adds. (I’m sure she is, you adorable goofball!)

Back at the hotel, the losers arrive, and they are — as Thomas N.’s caption reads — Crocodile Angree. “Everyone’s a little bit frustrated,” says Thomas N. Addressing the men who went on the first group date, Jahaar asks that they let him and everyone else who didn’t get time with Jenn today speak to her first at the next cocktail party. The camera zooms in on Devin, who agrees that the men who went home from the date early “deserve” extra time. (This is called foreshadowing, rose lovers.)

At dinner, Dylan shares that his parents got married after just six months. “I feel like I get the romantic side from my dad,” he says. Still, Dylan admits that he sometimes feels “insecure” in a house full of “amazing” guys. The Bachelorette LOVES it. “I appreciate his vulnerability so much tonight,” she says. “He’s continuing to surprise me.” Awwww, give him that date rose, mama!

I cannot believe I’m writing this, but Aaron Erb has just buttonholed Devin for a third time to complain about #icecreamgate. “I’m sorry for the way that I handled things at the end of the night,” says Devin. “But I didn’t appreciate that you were questioning my character and my depth. We don’t know each other that well.”

It’s a very valid point, one that Aaron Erb should hear and accept. But he does not. Instead of saying “you’re right, I made a snap judgment and that wasn’t fair,” Aaron Erb insists that he’s right — and in the same breath, he calls Devin by the wrong name again.

“You’re asking me about my depth, but you don’t even know my name!” Devin gripes. Aaron Erb insists that when he said Devin wasn’t deep enough for Jenn, it was coming “from a place of love.” He then inexplicably calls Devin a “bully” — which is the ultimate bully move.

What happens next nearly made my brain explode. Remember when Bennett the Harvard snob gave Noah Erb a book on emotional intelligence during Tayshia’s season? Welp, now it’s Aaron Erb’s turn to patronize someone with a self-help tome. "I brought this with me. It’s my own book,” he says. “It’s something I’ve read a few times. It’s helped me grow as a person.” He’s giving it to Devin, he says, because “I just want to see you do your best.”

Look, I’m not saying that this book doesn’t actually exist, or that producers made one of the interns whip up a fake book cover on Canva, but I will say there is *literally no record* of Principles for Self-Growth (or an author named “Dr. Brandon O. Conner”) on our World Wide Web. Not on Amazon, Google Books, or websites that specialize in out-of-print titles. Please let me know if you find it, rose lovers.

The cocktail party begins exactly the way we knew it would: With Devin stealing Jenn away first. Even so, many of the men are shocked — shocked! — that he would be so bold in this competitive reality TV environment. Anyway, Devin uses his time with Jenn to explain that while he may be “a little bit louder” than the rest of the guys, he’s also knows better than to try to change his personality for someone else. “You’re always going to get the good, the bad, and the ugly of me,” he explains.

Suddenly, Thomas N. barges into the room and literally attempts to drag Devin away by the hand. “Let me talk to you for a second, big man,” he huffs. Rather than make (another) scene in front of Jenn, Devin gets up and follows Thomas into the other room.

“You sat in front of me and eight men yesterday and said, ‘Hey, you guys get first [dibs],’” Thomas N. whisper-yells. Devin (accurately) points out that he didn’t say that, adding, “Somebody has to go first… Why can’t it be me?” As they argue back and forth, Jenn decides to move a little closer so she can hear better. Devin accuses Thomas of being entitled — “‘Oh, this is my time! I deserve to be first!’ Nobody deserves anything in this life, Thomas!” — and Jenn seems to agree.

Eventually, Devin extricates himself from the situation and heads back to the Holding Pen, where he starts ranting at the other men for “talking s---” about him. The men push back on this, and Grant is all, “We don’t have a problem, brah — I think you’ve got balls.” None of them are pleased to hear that Thomas N. put Jenn in such an awkward situation. “I don’t know exactly what Thomas did,” says Jeremy, “but I don’t think it was, like, a friendly thing, and I don’t think it was considerate of Jenn, either.”

Jenn agrees. She asks Thomas N. to explain his actions, and she doesn’t like what she hears — especially when Thomas says the guys had already determined that Austin would have the first chat of the night. “But then you guys are making decisions for me,” she complains. “You’re taking my independence out of that, and I don’t think that’s in your power.” HELL YEAH! Tell him, mama!

Oh, and our Bachelorette is not done. “Do you really think those ten minutes right there,” she says, gesturing to where Thomas and Devin were arguing, “and me sitting here alone was, like, worth it?” Thomas N. is appropriately chastened. “I messed up,” he admits in his confessional. “I don’t feel great about how I left things with Jenn.” Don’t worry, pal. She’s moved on to making out with Sam M.

Thomas N. takes breather outside and vents to Other Tomas about Devin — and that’s precisely when producers send Devin in to keep the fight going. “Dude, you embarrassed yourself,” Devin barks. “You ruined her night.” Voices are raised, a few F-bombs are dropped, and the argument continues as Devin and Thomas N. head inside, but it does not come to blows — perhaps because this guy shows up

Thank God for Jesse Palmer and his Butter Knife of Bad News™. Rose ceremony roll call!

Austin, Hakeem, Spencer, Jeremy, Jonathon, John, Tomas A., Sam M., Devin, Sam N., Aaron Erb, and Thomas N. join Marcus, Dylan, and Grant in the Circle of Safety™. That means we must say goodbye to Brian, marvelous Marvin, and Jahaan — and it also means we’re going to be subjected to more Devin-centric drama next week. Pardon me while I heave the heaviest of sighs.

Welp, rose lovers, we made it through week two. Who is your favorite guy (and why is it Marcus)? Are you surprised Thomas N. turned out to be such a hothead? And seriously, have any of you found proof that Principles for Self-Growth is a real book? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin or on Bluesky at @kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

Read the original article on Entertainment Weekly.