Ask Audrey: 'My friends think my boyfriend is a self-absorbed womanizer'

Audrey is a mother to a 15-year-old with another on the way. She probably should have taken into account who she was marrying (Osher Günsberg) much earlier, as she’s far more comfortable behind the camera as a freelance hair and makeup artist, than a TV host’s wife who doesn’t know how to work her angles for any on-camera duties.

Audrey loves to cook, decorate cakes, gardening, DIY and is very handy with a flat-pack, few of which you would pay her to do for you, but she’d happily give it a shot for free.

Audrey,

I’ve been dating a guy for six months now and things are going great. He’s charming and is always the centre of attention at parties because of his quick wit and banter. But most of all, he adores me and wants to spend all of his time with me, which is something I’ve never experienced before.

The only thing is, my friends think he’s a self-absorbed womanizer and have warned me off him, saying I should steer clear of getting into anything more serious with him because he’ll end up breaking my heart one day.

One of my best friends was in the same year as him at school and says he got a name for himself for being a bit of a player and dropping his girlfriends after a few months. That was four years ago now though and I believe that he’s changed since then.

I don’t want to bring this up with him just yet as I don’t want to cause tension between my friends and him, but they’ve started to cancel plans we’ve made together and I just know it’s because they don’t want to be around him.

One side of me thinks I should follow my heart and let him prove he’s grown and changed from his past mistakes but the other side of me is scared I’ll lose my friendship circle in the process. What should I do?

Dear Hopeful GF

What a place to be caught between your friends and your boyfriend of six months? It must be hard working out who to listen to; your friends who have your best interest at heart; or your heart, which is clearly enjoying the new found affection and attention from your boyfriend.

So your boyfriend has a bit of a reputation of being a womaniser. That can be a hard thing for him to shake, especially if your best friend has personally watched him break a lot of hearts in high school. When you’re young and your hormones are involved, it can be hard to listen to this sort of advice objectively, especially if it’s your first time being with someone who lavishes you with their attention. It can be dizzying and wonderful and overwhelming.

I dated, and for quite some time, a guy who was all charm and good looks, and he used to say all the right things too. He made me feel like there was no one else in the world for him and it was intoxicating. However, I can also remember after the first time that my cousin met him, she said to me to keep an eye on him, for exactly the reasons your friends are saying to you.

He says all the right things and is charming, but seems to have a wonky wondering eye and will one day break my heart. I filed it away under her being paranoid and seeing things that weren’t there. After a whirlwind first year together, little signs started appearing, showing me that perhaps he wasn’t all that he seemed to be. If I confronted him about them, he always had a reasonable explanation and would convince me that I was reading too much into things. I’ll be honest and say that my gut knew that he was bullshi**ing me, but by that stage I was head over heels and it hurt less to accept his excuses than to walk away from him. So I thought.

Cut to nearly three years later and the signs were in neon, on billboards, taped to lamp posts and right in front of my face. If he didn’t dump me (ghost me actually), I hate to think that I’d still be there wearing blindfolds and lying to myself about what kind of man he really was.

However, that experience is a part of my story, and my life experience, and we all have our own paths to walk, you need to find the right path for you.

My advice to you would be to enjoy the heady times with your boyfriend. Give him the opportunity to prove to you that he’s no longer the high school ladies’ man that he once was. But do so with your eyes wide open. He doesn’t need to be tested, if he’s genuinely into you, he will confirm that with how he treats you every day. Respectfully, lovingly and honestly. If you do find yourself listening to excuses that your gut and spidey senses are telling you are suspicious, heed them!

Regarding your friends, that is a complicated situation that I hope you all have an honest enough relationship to be able to discuss this situation with. Explain that you still need them in your life and that their support is invaluable, even if they don’t like your boyfriend. They’re opinions are noted and taken on board but it’s unfair to you and your new boyfriend to not have the chance to see how much he’s changed and to find out what the potential of your relationship is.

Take the opportunity to go out with just them every now and then and keep that connection, it’s so easy to let friendships slip when a new love is in our life, that’s totally normal and everybody does it at one time or another. If they’re true friends, they’ll be there for you whichever way your relationship turns out.

I wish you all the very best in figuring things out for yourself, listen to your friends, your heart and most importantly, your gut.

Audrey x

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