Are you a dieting jerk?

By Laura Tedesco

Congratulations! You got rid of your belly. So why isn’t your significant other swooning over your emerging six-pack? Turns out, losing weight may compromise your love life, reveals a new study in the journal Health Communication.

Researchers surveyed 21 couples, each of which had one partner who dropped 13 or more kilos within two years. Most couples said they saw positive relationship results after the weight loss.

The person who shed the pounds was more likely to motivate his or her partner to engage in healthy lifestyle changes. When both were receptive to the weight loss, they reported an increase in communication and intimacy, and they felt closer than before.

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However, a small number of people who lost weight began to badger their significant partner to do the same. Other partners who hadn’t lost weight felt threatened by their successful lover, and they were more resistant to the changes. In the end, the relationships suffered from the tension.

Obviously, this study shouldn’t dissuade you from losing weight or banishing unhealthy habits. But it should make you conscious of the possible consequences weight loss can have on your relationship, says study author Dr Lynsey Kluever Romo.

So how do you lose the extra flab without losing your love? Communication is key, says Romo. We often find ourselves playing certain roles in a relationship—the healthy one, the goofy partner, the romantic one. But when your role is suddenly altered, your significant other may feel uneasy.

Sit down with your wife or girlfriend and explain what’s motivating you to drop the weight in the first place. If she knows your specific goal—relieving joint pain or running your first 10K, for instance—then she’ll be more likely to help you reach it. If you aren’t clear with her from the start, then she may be insecure about your reasons for wanting to lose weight, says Romo.

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And don’t bug her to step on the scale every day, either. “When one partner pressures the other to lose weight, it never goes over well,” says Romo. “Instead of losing weight for health and well-being, she does it to please her partner.”

Find ways to spend quality time together by doing physical activities that you both enjoy—like walking the dog, yoga, or kayaking. People who work out with their partner feel more comfortable, energetic, and happier than those who work out alone, report Santa Clara University scientists. You’ll both be more likely to stick with your weight-loss goals if you support one another and have fun along the way.

—Additonal reporting by Jill Fanslau