This Woman Is Going Viral For Sharing All The Ways Her Ex Tried To Change Her Looks, And I Am Absolutely Gobsmacked

Note: This article contains brief mention of abuse and suicidal ideation.

If you've been on a date in the last few decades, you already know dating is TOUGH. But one woman's story may have some people ready to retire from the dating game forever.

User @broadwaybabyto on X is a 41-year-old writer and advocate for people who are disabled. In a thread viewed by almost 4 million people, she shared the absolutely unbelievable things her ex wanted her to change about herself. "Years ago, I was dating a guy I thought had real long-term potential. It was the first relationship I had after a slew of not-nice men, and I was surprised by how kind, attentive, and respectful he was," she wrote.

"When it began to get serious he sat me down to talk about meeting his family... He said they were traditional and I would need to 'make some changes,'" she said.

"He proceeded to give me a long list of the ways in which I wasn’t enough of a 'traditional woman.' 'The bright red hair dye? It had to go. Oh, you’re a natural ginger? Can you dye it brown? We prefer brunettes,'" she recalled.

"My hands, they needed to be manicured. Tasteful, though, no bright colors. '[And] not too long, but make them look feminine. Perhaps you could get a pedicure, too? And consider getting your eyebrows done while you’re at it.'"

"Then he delved into makeup. I hate makeup, a fact I had never hidden from him," she said. "He said I needed to start wearing it. Tasteful colors only. He offered to send me some YouTube tutorials that would teach me the looks 'they' liked."

"Clothing. Everything needed to change. I wore sweatpants too often. I didn’t wear enough skirts. 'No spaghetti straps as they’re slutty, but could you wear heels instead of frumpy flats?' This went on and on and on. He basically wanted to change ME."

"The only thing that I changed was my relationship status," she declared. "I immediately broke up with him and informed him that he should find someone who meets his exacting standards, not force them on someone who has her own. He did NOT take it well."

"I held my ground and asked him to leave, and he said, 'I'm not taking no for an answer'... He didn't want to 'let' me break up with him, yet he didn't want to date ME."

"He did finally leave but he spent two weeks texting and calling every day. I ignored him. Then he started showing up at my house with flowers and saying he 'always gets what he wants.' Thankfully, I had a male roommate who told him if he didn't stop, we would call the police... That did the trick. I never heard from him again."

"I think about him all the time. I think about the level of entitlement a guy has to have to do that to someone and then refuse to acknowledge a breakup," she said.

"He didn't rape me, but he scared the crap out of me. He didn't harm me physically, but he threatened and stalked me for two weeks. He didn't lay hands on me, but he also didn't respect my boundaries or stop the triggering behavior until another man stepped in and MADE him stop," she said.

"I don't want my safety to be based on luck. I don't want to have to maintain a constant state of vigilance. Sadly, that's what women must do. We are constantly on guard because while we know it's 'not all men,' we also know we can't tell the good from the bad."

In the comments, a lot of women could relate to her experience. "When I broke up with my first bf, he sat outside my house with a knife and said he'd kill himself if I didn't take him back... My dad had to call his dad and tell him to leave me alone," one person said.

"It always scares the shit out of you. I've never given any indication that I'd be receptive to being pushed around. So I wonder what started it. The answer is always that I was a woman and he wasn't, which was enough to have him threaten me when I didn't do what he wanted," this person shared.

Meanwhile, a lot of men tried to make light of the story, saying they experience this all the time. "Years ago I dated a girl who demanded I look clean, sharp, use deodorant, clean my apartment etc. smh! We got married and we are happy," this person shared.

"This is what happen to most men in a relationship. Sooner or later the wife is buying his clothes, cuts his hair and lecture him about how to behave. Most men are grateful though and love her for it, I know I do," this person said.

But there were also people who were sympathetic and encouraging of women who have had this experience. "I want all women here to know: I work in IT and I wear jeans and hoodies / T-shirts at all times. I don’t use makeup, don’t wear heels, etc. He loves me, wants me, he introduced me to all of his friends and we celebrated this New Year with his family. This is what normal is," this person shared.

In an interview with BuzzFeed, @broadwaybabyto said she wanted to share her story to show "how you can find yourself in an abusive scenario without even knowing it. I want to encourage women to set strong boundaries and walk away at the first sign of a dangerous red flag."

"I would like women to know that it's OK to walk away from any relationship that isn't serving you. If you feel unsafe, trust your gut. If someone mistreats you, don't give them the opportunity to do it again. Some men are excellent at delivering a convincing apology and gaslighting us into thinking whatever they did was our fault; it is not our fault," she said.

"Don't be afraid to tell your stories either. Abuse thrives in the dark. It relies on us being too afraid to speak up. If we get loud, if we refuse to suffer in silence, we may make men think twice before hurting us."

What do you think? Have you ever had to leave a toxic relationship? Let us know in the comments.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.

Dial 988 in the United States to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7/365. Your conversations are free and confidential. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.