Yahoo Lifestyle 52 Times Women Matched With A Nice-Looking Gentleman On A Dating App Only To Get The Most Horrifying Opener Imaginable
A while back, Reddit user IBuki_Meoda_neo asked, "Fellow ladies of Reddit, what was the worst first message someone sent you on a dating app?" and the answers were SPOOKY, y'all. Here are some of the worst first messages people have gotten — along with a few more terrible examples from Reddit.
1."One of my pictures was me at an amusement park, and he sent a long, detailed story about a time he got diarrhea on a rollercoaster there. He sent each sentence as its own individual message; my phone was pinging for like 10 minutes."
2."'How much of an Asian are you?' is what he led with because he can't date girls who are less than half Asian. They're less 'submissive.' 🤢🤢🤢"
3."'Call me Jim Crow because I wanna lynch that p*ssy.' Yes, he was white, and yes, I am Black."
4."I'm South Asian, and someone sent me a message saying '💣🧕this you?' I was very shocked at how someone could be so racist and think that was okay?"
5."'Damn girl, you got that Casey Anthony swag.' I wish I were kidding."
6."I had one guy, somewhere in the 70-80-year-old ballpark, tell me that he and his buddy wanted to lock me up in his basement as a free-use enslaved woman. He also added that that he and his buddy are both grandparents, so they'd make good, caring owners."
7."'Let me flay you alive and wear your skin as a coat.'"
8.'"I'd give your dad a blowjob for a chance to taste the recipe that made you.'"
9."'How's the tits?' I don't recall which app."
10."The worst first message I've ever received was from a guy 20+ years my senior who asked me to be his mail-order bride. That is not an exaggeration; his pitch was, 'Leave your life in NYC, come to Texas, raise my children, and clean my house.' I matched out of morbid curiosity and asked him why he felt the need to date like it was 1850, and why me specifically, and his response was: 'You're not getting any younger.' Again, he was over 20 years older than I am."
11."'I've been watching you.' He said he had been visiting my profile page numerous times a day and clicking through my three pictures non-stop. I ran like the wind."
12."A dude legitimately told me that I looked like Charles Manson in one of my photos and that he was into it."
13."I had a guy send me a small essay over several messages about how our life could look together living on a farm with me pregnant with his many children. It wasn't even copy pasted as it was filled with specifics about my appearance and profile prompts. It was really bizarre, especially for a first message."
14."One guy said hello and then brought up one of my photos that included one of my friends. He asked if she was single. What the hell, dude."
15."A picture of him lying on his bed with his three cats gathered lovingly around his boner."
16."'Is the downstairs ginger too?' Not even a hello first. Just straight into pubic research."
17."'I was three feet away from you today, and you didn't even know it.' (The guy was apparently in an elevator with me, recognized me in my picture on the app, and sent me this. I blocked him.)"
18."One I got: I’m not attracted to women like you, but I will still fuck you if you want."
19."Some guy was asking me to hook up. I told him no, as we hadn't met in person yet, and then he said, 'What about anal?'...I told him I don't do anal with strangers either, and then he started sending death threats LMAO."
20."I had a guy start with, 'why do you look like an eight in some pictures and a four in others?' Like damn, dude. That was unnecessary...but also which ones sucked?? 😂"
21."Just a dick pic. I replied, 'leading with your shortcomings is a bold choice.'"
22."This one dude messaged me on this app with some big spiel about how he's a nice guy and girls don't always talk to him because he's so nice and they take advantage of him because he's a nice guy blah blah...So I took a look at his profile and was like, eh, we have nothing in common, and he's not my type. Not even five minutes later, he sent me this message about how I'm a bitch and fat and ugly and who would want me anyway. All because in that time frame — while I was looking through his profile — I didn't answer. I've never seen someone switch up so fast…it was actually scary. All I said was, 'Yeah, you sure are a nice guy, huh?"
"I did not swipe right on this dude. I thought this would go without saying. On some dating apps, you can message anyone."
23."'If you were mine, I wouldn't let you out of the house without a collar and a leash.'"
24."'Looking for some fun, those melons look sweet. Nip reveal?'"
25."He said that he knew by my choice of comedy that I’d be cool with getting an abortion if he got me pregnant. This was his opening line."
26."Are you down to choke on this small white dick?"
27."'Your eyes are so pretty, I want to gouge them out with a spoon.' 💀 I still don't think I've recovered years later; it was such an extreme way to say you like someone's eyes. 😭"
28."'I have a Dom personality due to having an abusive childhood.' No hello, no small talk, just this. Never noped out quicker."
29."'How pink is it?'"
30."He typed hello...and then made a video call that I made the mistake of answering. All I saw was a dick being jerked off. I blocked him."
"Another time, a guy started chatting casually for like five minutes, then said he wanted to move in with me; I blocked him. He phoned me from a different number to shout and swear at me."
31."When I was nineteen, I was in a dating app, and this guy messaged me saying, 'Let me use your cum in a s’more' and I blocked him.💀"
32."'I'm golfing right now, but you can be the 19th hole.' Hard pass."
33."'You seem fertile.' 🤢"
34."I have a small collection of vintage prescription eyewear that I use daily. I'm paraphrasing, but it was along the lines of, 'Women who wear glasses like yours have a lot of opinions.'.........Okay?"
35."'You look like my dead wife, kinda. What's your cup size?'"
36."'Wow, I can't tell if you're really good with filters or just really fucking pretty.' So, being a wise-ass I am, I told him I'm actually a hideous beast. He said back, 'I don't even know how to reply to that.' And I unmatched."
37."As an East Asian woman, one guy sent a DM just saying 'yellow fever.' 🤮"
38.'Would you wear high heels and film yourself stamping a crab to death?'...When I responded with 'wtf,' he came back with, 'you could do it with a mouse.' Like that's better???! Freaky."
39."One guy opened by saying that I am probably really embarrassed about my big ears, but they make him just want to nibble on them. My ears are not even big. I am not embarrassed by them at all."
40."'Would you be willing to pretend you're a bird? Because I've got a little worm for you.'"
41."'Good morning BIG BOOBS.' Note: there were no pictures of my boobs (or body generally) in the profile. And that was his capitalization."
42."'We could make some beautiful blue-eyed Asian babies.' He was not Asian, and neither am I, but he apparently thought otherwise. Either way, a wildly inappropriate thing to say."
43."I had a guy try to correct me on what my favorite video game was. There have been a ton of cringey openers, but that always stuck out to me. The gatekeeping guys are the worst. I almost want to match with them to tell them off, but it's not worth it."
44."I got, 'bitch who the fuck, why you look like the wendy’s logo' (which I didn’t). But I asked him if he had a problem with that, and his response was: 'No, I love Wendy’s, do you have a problem with anal?'"
45."'I like Asians.' 'I like not to be fetishized.' 'WELL, BASED ON YOUR SECOND PICTURE, YOUR SHOULDER INDICATED YOU HAVE TOO HIGH A BODY FAT PERCENTAGE FOR ME ANYWAYS.' I laughed, showed all my friends the message, and then blocked him."
46."'You look like my next ex-wife.' Kinda made me laugh, but starting out with a negative does not work for me. My 14-year old daughter suggested my response: 'You look like my next ATM.'"
47."'I will convince you that having children is actually a really bad idea.' My profile said I want kids; his said he didn't. Respectfully, just fuck off."
48."I once had a guy whose first message to me was, 'wanna shit on my chest?'"
49.Similarly..."'I bet your farts taste delicious.'"
50."Dude started with, 'I want to wear your skin.' And I unmatched immediately."
51."That I look like Nicolas Cage, lol."
52.And finally, we'll end on one with a happy ending: "My first message to my wife was 'great rack.' I was drunk and just messaging tons of girls 'great rack' or similar messages, and I had no intention of ever meeting her. She came back with 'thanks, I grew them all by myself,' and I responded while sober the next morning."
"She ended up being very cool, very hot, very smart. We went on a date to an ice cream place, and I knew I was going to marry her at the end of the first date. Been together nine years now."
What's the worst first message you've ever received on a daring app? Let us know in the comments!
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
