Yahoo Lifestyle 34 Secrets People Kept — Or Are Still Keeping — From Their Partner That Range From Heartbreaking To Really, Really Dark
Recently, Reddit user Even_Prize_462 asked, "What’s the darkest secret you have kept from your partner?" and people had a lot to get off their chests. Here are 34 secrets people kept — or are still keeping — from their partners that range from heartbreaking to wildly shocking.
NOTE: There are mentions of sexual assault, abuse, and suicide.
1."She moved from her hometown to be with me. Her best friend from that hometown was in treatment for cancer. She would go visit him periodically. I was good friends with him too. She had not visited him in quite a while (maybe a year) and couldn't make it back for Christmas. She sent him a long letter and Christmas card but messed up the address. He passed away suddenly, and the card ended up being returned to our home. I saw the returned letter in the mail and realized what happened. I threw it away and told her that she could have some solace in that he knew she was thinking about him before he passed. I will never tell her the truth."
2."Several years ago, my husband's ex-best friend sexually assaulted me. My husband and I were separated at the time, and his friend tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state. We got back together shortly afterward."
"The same guy who assaulted me is now in jail for being a predator. With that, plus the assault, I know my husband would kill him or beat him within an inch of his life, at the very least. When the news broke about him being in jail, he often talked about how much he wanted to kick his ass. I'm mostly over it, but I'll probably take that one to my grave."
3."I found out while building an Ancestry.com family tree that my deceased father-in-law was married to another woman in another state when my wife was born. He divorced the other woman and married my mother-in-law within a month of my wife's birth. They were married for 40+ years when he died. I'm 100% certain my wife doesn't know this and 99% certain my mother-in-law doesn't either."
4."If I'm being honest, there was a time early in our relationship when I wasn't sure if we were going to last. I didn't want to break up, but I was curious about what I might be missing out on. So, for a few months, I secretly met up with someone else just to see if I was making the right choice with him. I never told anyone, and I ended it before it got serious. It was selfish and wrong, but it made me realize how much I actually loved him. I've carried that guilt ever since, and it's something I'll never repeat."
5."I love my wife about 5% less than before her affair. We've done a bunch of therapy, together and individually, and have reconciled and are doing well, but it's been years, and at this point, I don't think that 5% is ever coming back. I kinda miss it."
6."He never took his meds and was always a dick. So I crushed his leftover meds for bipolar disorder into his food every night so he would go to sleep and leave me alone. It was paradise while it lasted."
7."About six months after I gave birth to my daughter, I got pregnant again. My husband and I were living at his parent's house at the time rent-free, yet we still barely made enough money to support one child. I was devastated when I found out, not only because of the financial burden but also because my mental health made it a struggle to be a good mom to the kid I already had. I wanted an abortion, and my husband agreed with me that it was the best option for us at the time. He was supportive and had an upbeat attitude about the whole thing right up until we checked in at the clinic. He broke down in the lobby, and while he still supported my decision, he just couldn't keep up the facade that he was okay with this any longer."
"Until then, I had absolutely no clue how sad he was about this, and my heart broke because I should have noticed. This didn't change my decision, however. They make you get an ultrasound before the procedure, and I decided that I would try to spare him a small amount of guilt.
He didn't accompany me to the ultrasound, so when it was done, I went back to the lobby and gambled on a lie I hoped he would believe. I told him the ultrasound tech couldn't find a heartbeat and that the fetus was not viable, but they would still perform the D&C instead of waiting to miscarry. He seemed so relieved that the decision to end this life was no longer ours to make. I genuinely think he believed it, but if he didn't, he has never called me out on it or questioned it. That was a decade ago, and I still feel like shit for lying, but at least he doesn't have to live with the guilt or the regret for a decision I would have still made regardless."
8."Back in the '90s, two people were murdered in the house my boyfriend now owns. My boyfriend didn't grow up here, but my dad knew the victims, so not only did he tell me that it happened, but he also told me how it happened and where specifically in the house it happened. Where we live, there is no requirement for realtors to disclose if something like that happened in a house they're selling. ... I really feel like he has no idea, and I can't bring myself to ask him because I don't want to be the one who tells him."
9."I know of someone who didn't want children and so had a vasectomy but didn't tell his wife because she wanted children. He let her struggle on for years and even go through some fertility tests. It's one of the darkest things I've heard of anyone doing apart from the obvious things like murder."
10."My longtime girlfriend doesn't know my daughter is not mine. My ex-wife and her current husband are the parents. Only a few people know. I didn't find out until she was four when I took a paternity test after my ex told my mom that her only grandkid was not blood-related. I don't tell anyone since that blew up in my face. The fear of that lie destroying my relationship with my daughter eats me alive sometimes."
11."I had a friend who dated someone long-term whose father died in a freak accident when they were young. When things got more serious, and they planned on getting married, my friend's future MIL confided to them that their partner's father had actually died by suicide. She asked that my friend never tell her partner, as she feared for her child's mental health if they knew. We kind of drifted apart, so I have no idea how it is now, but my friend felt incredibly conflicted about this and wished she had never been told. "
12."He doesn't know that the reason the shower didn't get fixed properly was because I was busy fooling around with the guy who was supposed to be fixing it. He knows I cheated; he doesn't know I told him because I thought he'd actually finally leave me. I've tried about a hundred times to leave him."
13."The biggest secret I've kept from my significant other is that his friend tried to sleep with me. We were all at a party drinking, and by the end, everyone was pretty drunk, so we all decided to just sleep at said friend's house. I was on the couch, and my significant other was asleep on the floor a few feet from me. I hadn't fallen asleep yet, and his friend stumbled out of the room and sat on the couch next to where I was lying. He started rubbing my feet, which I didn't think was all too weird, but then he started to get really touchy. I kept pushing him away, but he wouldn't stop. He got on top of me and told me it was fine because my significant other could sleep with the friend's girlfriend tomorrow. I ended up pinching him hard on his underarm, and he jumped up off of me. I told him it would never happen, then crawled over and laid down next to my significant other."
"I was awake all night, scared he would try something. After that, I excused myself from any outing he would be at, and eventually, the friend and my significant other had a falling out over something else, and we no longer talk to or see him at all."
14."I was cleaning out our office and found a random, unmarked notebook. Turns out my now husband was once lamenting the fact that an attractive female coworker would never be into him. This was several months after we started dating, had said 'I love you,' and spent every weekend together. It was a punch to the gut. He said he loved me but was pining after a coworker. And apparently, I'm ugly enough to be with him."
15."I just want my wife back. I want my wife who asked how my day was. I want my wife who reached for my hand on long car rides. I want my wife who would search slowly for my body in the dark. Depression is a thief. (Yes, she has seen help, and she's medicated; it’s been 10 years.) I know she loves me. But I wish I could tell her that her depression has robbed us both. That I know it's not her fault. That I wish that even through the depression, she would see that I'm still here. I still care, and I yearn for the woman I fell in love with. I yearn for her to care for me the way I care for her."
16."I had an STI from an affair and tricked my girlfriend into taking antibiotics by inventing a story involving a fake food poisoning to prevent her from getting sick and finding out."
17."I know my wife had a years-long affair with a kid who was only a year older than our oldest son. I've since been slowly separating everything from our finances to property. Because my job is a work-from-home situation that only requires a laptop, I'm just going to leave and not file for divorce. I am going to let her file. I'm walking away after almost 30 years."
18."I never told my wife of five years that I had a son with a woman who had left me when I was 20, never to hear from her again. I married my (now ex-) wife when I was 39. After learning of her infidelity, we divorced. I was bummed out and decided to search for my son from decades ago. We met for the first time last spring. He’s an amazing man in his mid-twenties, and we've become best friends. I'm so happy to know him and so happy to know that my ex-wife doesn't get to know him. She doesn't deserve to know him."
19."I am only staying in my marriage because my spouse can't financially survive alone. They are almost 70, trans, and don't have other family. I care about them, but not like a normal marriage."
20."My (43m) deepest darkest shit my current wife will never know, unless perhaps we divorced, was that my father whispered to me on his deathbed in 2010 (she was my girlfriend then and in the room), IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, not to marry her. I did end up married to her (in 2014). We now have two kids, a boring ass suburban life, and the sex is almost nonexistent. However, there is not much fighting, and we get along fine. But goddammit, there are better ways to live life."
21."I adore my husband and don't regret marrying him, but I do regret moving to the US to be with him. I don't know if that makes any sense. I just hate it here. I've always hated it. I keep hoping I'll get used to it and learn to love it, but it's been almost 15 years, and I still fucking hate it. We can't leave because he has a disability that makes it virtually impossible for him to learn a second language, and with us both being disabled and without a degree, there are no English-speaking countries we can move to (please don't tell us to move to Canada, lol, everybody says that — it's literally impossible for us). I don't want to leave him because, like I said, I adore him. So I stay here, and I stay miserable."
22."My secret was that I was genuinely scared he would sexually abuse any kids we had together, even before I married him. I convinced myself I was being paranoid and overly dramatic, downplaying years of abuse. This time last year, I was sneaking off to the gym to plan my escape. Luckily, I got out before we had kids, but I'm definitely grieving what was likely my only realistic choice to have had them. I wish I'd had the bravery to demand I be treated better, but I am happy that at least I had the bravery to prevent giving this man access to any potential children."
23."I'm not entirely sure if this counts, but it's a secret my husband kept from me for 16 years from when I was 20 to just a few weeks ago. He admitted to me that, before we had even met properly, he had been stalking me for nearly a year before he planned our meeting. He charmed me, making jokes and making references to TV shows and bands I like. Anyway, on our first date, he gave me my favorite flowers, which are specifically chrysanthemums and daisies (still no idea how he found that out), and talked to me about Sylvia Plath for half an hour (I worked in a library at the time I was stalked, so he was probably there and heard me talking about her to people borrowing books). All in all, I fell in love with him, and no, this didn't call for a messy divorce or anything; I was just majorly creeped out."
24."I hid cash to pay for a lawyer. I was up to about $12,000. My husband was always drunk, and it was destroying our family. He retired from the toxic corporate job and stopped self-medicating with alcohol, so with therapy and time, we are in a good place now. He was pretty gobsmacked when I told him about it. We used some of the cash to pay for house maintenance, but there's still about $10k locked up in the house for an emergency fund."
25."My ex doesn't know that I missed my big career opportunity with better pay, location, and most importantly, better mental health. I did that because I wanted to give her attention and support all the time. She was not doing good at that time. Well, she ended up cheating on me."
26."She got fired from her last job because I paid her boss to do so — so that I could hire her at my company (the only other company with the same area of interest in my town). I just wanted her to be closer. After that, things got serious. We are still a couple six years after, and she still knows nothing about what happened."
27."His stepdad died, and he and his whole family were, of course, devastated. I didn't cry once because I thought he was a trash example of a father and a lazy deadbeat. I'm glad he died and hopefully it gives my mother-in-law a chance to date someone better."
28."I used to sleep with his arch-nemesis coworker (before we were ever a thing). If he knew, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to be with me anymore."
29."In college, my boyfriend cheated on me. We stayed together, but I should have broken up with him because it screwed with my head. Eventually, I cheated back by kissing someone else because I thought I would feel better if we were 'even.' I never told the boyfriend, and he carried the guilt of being the 'cheater' in the relationship until we eventually ended it several years later. I still feel bad about that."
30."The only real secret I've kept is stupid and I regret it...When I met my wife, she pointed out that my female best friend was really hot and asked me if we'd ever hooked up. We did a couple of times when we were both single years prior, and we had promised each other never to tell anyone, so I kind of felt like it wasn't my 'secret' to disclose. I didn't know that this girl I had just started seeing would become my wife. Years later, she asked me again and even said, 'I wouldn't be surprised if you did but you both promised to never tell...'"
The reason I feel dumb about it is my wife is not the jealous type — she wouldn't have cared. However, she is the type to overthink things, so if I went to her and said, 'I should've said something five years ago...' she'd start wondering what else I haven't told her — and really, that's it."
31."I have TONS of porn. Well, I think it's a lot. Almost a terabyte. Some of it is organized; most is not. It's everything from the first furry porn I had ever seen to scapes of entire Tumblr blogs from just before the purge. Lots of odd fetish stuff. All legal, but some questionable enough that if it were found, I'd have to move into a cabin in the woods to avoid seeing anyone I knew ever again."
32.And finally, we'll end on a few wholesome ones: "I don't like mini golf. We went mini golfing on our first official date. It was fun because he is fun. Now we go mini golfing at least once a year on summer vacation — we bring the kids now, and it's this whole day. The kids love it, my husband talks about our first date, and the whole thing is so damn cute. But I hate mini golf. I'll never tell him. Why would I? It won't do any good. After 20+ years, it would just be mean. So, every year, I go and make the best of it. It's only fun because they're fun."
33."I think the only secret I’ve kept is that she is honestly a terrible gift buyer. She is easily the sweetest and most caring person I’ve ever met, and she would do anything for anyone. And when she buys gifts, in her heart of hearts, she really thinks she did so well and is so proud of herself. I will die with that secret because that beautiful soul does not need to be tarnished with that, but while I am a grown man who loves The Office, nothing about me screams that I would like a music box that plays The Office theme, lol."
34."When my spouse and I first started casually seeing each other, I had just taken my dream job, which was requiring me to relocate. It would've been waaaay too early to go long-distance, and we definitely wouldn't have lasted if I had moved away. I quit the job to stay in the town of my now-husband. I told him, at the time, that it was because the job wasn't for me after all (even though I loved it). Worth it."
What huge secret have you kept from your partner — or what was your partner's huge secret that was kept from you? Let us know in the comments below or via this anonymous form, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
