29 Secrets Men And Women Keep From Each Other That'll Make You Go, "God, NO ONE Is Trustworthy"

Reddit user Teen_dream91 asked the men of the community, "What are you unable to share fully, openly, and honestly about yourself with your spouse?"

Will Smith on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

Men didn't hold anythinggggg back, and revealed some pretty deep truths they keep locked in the vault.

Jake Johnson on "New Girl"

But do you know who else withholds deep, dark secrets? Women. They have a vault of their own, filled with personal things they rarely share with men.

Ayo Edebiri on "SNL"

So, here are some of the biggest truths men and women have kept from each other:

Note: Some submissions are from this Reddit thread by user u/iluvfreakyshit1 and the BuzzFeed Community.

Note: Some submissions include topics of suicide. Please proceed with caution.

1."We've both been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few months since we've both been sick with the flu. It's some of the best sleep I've had since she started snoring super loud many years ago. Once we recover, I don't know if I want to sleep together again."


2."We treat men with kid gloves. We try to keep men happy and fed, we turn down advances in whatever way will make men feel the best about themselves, and we work extremely hard to keep men from turning angry. We fear men’s anger because we know all too well that it can (and often) does end in death for us. So, we end up coddling all men for our own protection."


A person in a gray blazer sits at a desk, writing with a pen and looking up at another person standing in front of them, whose face is not visible
Nattakorn Maneerat / Getty Images/iStockphoto

3."Most of my anxieties and insecurities. I learned long ago that the only thing stopping her from 'spiraling' is that she thinks I have a handle on everything. If she panics and I panic with her, she'll go right past panic into full-on 'hysteria.'"


"On the rare occasion I share my feelings, particularly something I'm not happy about in our relationship, I instantly regret it. I don't know how much is ingrained in her personality, but she can't handle it.

I'm a pretty stoic guy in general, so 99% of the time, I'm fine with 'suck it up' as my strategy for adversity. But sometimes, I get a glimpse into someone else's relationship where there is more emotional openness, and I realize what I'm missing.

After decades, I'm resigned to the fact that it just is what it is."


4."If I buy a piece of jewelry, new shoes, a new purse, or anything for myself, I fib about the cost. If it's a $250 purse, I'll lie and say I 'splurged' and spent $100 on the handbag. It's just easier this way, and he has no clue about the cost of anything I buy for myself."


5."How sad our sexual situation makes me. She knows I’m not satisfied with it, but I don’t think she realizes how much it depresses me. I’m reluctant to tell her because I don’t see any good outcome from doing so. There seems to be no point in saying that I keep coming to bed hopeful night after night, only to feel miserable when she turns off the light and says, 'Goodnight' and drifts off to sleep. We had a talk about it 10 years ago, and the upshot was that she had no interest in having sex more often than we were. Our frequency has dropped more since then."

"I've accepted that that’s how it is because I don’t want to pressure her to have sex when she doesn’t want to. Nothing good could result from that. So, I never initiate (and talking about it would be one more form of unwelcome pressure). I continue not to share my feelings with her."


"I left my marriage because of this. Lack of intimacy brings about so much emotional damage. You don’t feel loved, and you envision yourself with other people because of it. I'm currently with my new girlfriend and her libido is sky-high compared to mine. We just had a son, so it’s slowed down a bit, but I’m not complaining."


A woman and a man sit on a bed with white bedding. The woman looks away, appearing thoughtful, while the man holds his head with one hand, looking distressed
Torwai / Getty Images/iStockphoto

6."I’ve never once had a man make me orgasm better than I’ve made myself."


7."Women have more hair than you might think, and we hide it pretty well. I'm talking about the stray hairs on our chin, nipples, and butt 😅."


8."I can't tell her how I feel about everything that involves her parents because, in her eyes, her parents feel more like family to her than me. I also can't tell her how much of a hypocrite she is. I confronted her a few times with the approach that we could solve our problems, but she turned it around and used it against me. Our son is six months old — I don't want him to grow up without a father."


Unhappy man faced with misunderstanding big family
Jackf / Getty Images/iStockphoto

9."When I was married, I had suicidal ideations frequently. When I was in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I was crying my eyes out, trying to hold myself together. Crying in front of her got me an earful of grief about not being 'a real man.' So, I did my crying in the bathroom."

"Also, when I was a stay-at-home dad, we had a two-year-old and a newborn. I was struggling with keeping up with housework and cooking and all that. She didn't understand why it was so difficult.

One day she told me 'If I had hired you for this job, I would have fired you by now.' A couple of years later, when the kids were older, we switched and she stayed home. She eventually apologized for what she said to me. I said it was okay, but I never forgave her for that."


10."How much I compare their actions to my father's. If I see something too similar, it raises a red flag for me. I can feel myself emotionally withdraw from a man when something they do or say reminds me of the way my dad used to make me feel growing up. I'm married to a great man who is the opposite of my dad. I'm grateful every day that our future children won't have to feel as small as I did growing up."


11."My wife tells me things she's unhappy about with me and expects me to take it and work on improving. But the second I mention something about things I'd like her to work on, it's flipped around to make her the 'victim' and I'm the one who's really at fault. I stopped communicating that way to her, and then she's upset about that. I can't fucking win."


Two people sit on a couch with their arms crossed, facing slightly away from each other, suggesting a disagreement or conflict
Bymuratdeniz / Getty Images

12."While I love my spouse deeply, I struggle to share my childhood traumas. The memories are painful and sometimes I feel like shielding her from that darkness."


"Every once in a blue moon I’ll share something with my partner because the topic naturally comes up, and there's a look of horror on their face when I was simply sharing an experience. I forget that what I’ve become numb to isn’t always relatable to a lot of people."


13."My child (18 months) is legitimately well-behaved, compliant, and enjoyable to be around when she’s not in the home and it’s just me and him. But when she’s around, he’s combative, whiney, rude, and a little terror."


14."That sometimes I can be jealous of a platonic relationship. It occurs more with male friends than with female friends. It's not the hugest issue in the world, but it's not something I want to admit to him either openly."


Three men take a joyful selfie outdoors on an urban patio with one holding a camera
Peter Muller / Getty Images/Image Source

15."Sometimes the things she says to me in arguments break my heart."


"I use, 'When you said X, I heard Y.' For example: 'When you said I don’t feel like having chicken again tonight, I heard I’m sick of your cooking, and 'Why can’t you make better meals?' Then you have the opportunity (or she does) to say, “Oh, hun, that isn’t what I meant at all…'

If you can both be honest and use this, you will end up having conversations that really help you understand each other’s state of mind at the moment, BEFORE it escalates to saying things that can’t be unheard."


16."I’m scared of not being able to provide a half-decent life for her and my kids. Life’s getting so expensive and challenging."


"I definitely feel you, brother. I'm scared to even get married because I don't want to go into debt, just trying to put food on the table. I'm only 22, and even I can see significant changes from inflation."


17."I don’t put effort into my appearance to attract attention from men ('male attention is abundant and low-value'). I do it because it feels like putting on armor, another layer of protection against being vulnerable. There’s also a sense of being intimidating and 'above reproach' that feels safe — like, you can try to critique me, but not my appearance."

"It really just reflects how messed-up social dynamics can be (and shoutout to the childhood trauma of habitual bullying 💕)."


A woman partially covers her face with a cozy, knit sweater, showing only her wide eyes and bangs
Peter Dazeley / Getty Images

18."She's always in the way. If she's in the kitchen when I'm cooking, she's always standing in front of the next place I need to be. If I'm working outside, she's always in the next place I'm going to go. If I'm fixing something, she's always standing right in front of whatever I'm going to be working on next. If I'm trying to leave a room, she's always in the doorway. I realize she wants to spend time with me, but I really wish she'd just get out of the way when I'm doing something."


19."No matter how much he tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful, I'm the best thing since bacon, he's not going anywhere, and he buys me flowers and chocolate, I am absolutely terrified of losing him. Because at some point, he'll get sick of me, or he'll meet someone prettier, more clever, or more into the same things he is. I know it will happen eventually, and I know I will completely fall apart when it happens. But until then, he's not going to know. I'm just enjoying it while it lasts."


20."Literally anything that isn't within the realm of her personal interests. Otherwise, she clarifies that she's not interested in what interests me. Sometimes I do talk about my interests because I can't keep everything to myself forever, but it feels like a child bothering their parents talking about how cool their toys are."


"I feel this. Her eyes just start to glaze over, and I can see she's mentally checking out. I end the conversation and go do a chore or something. She doesn't ask questions or find gifts that align with my interests. However, and I'm probably a little bitter, I'm expected to be engaged with her interests and pay attention to the little things, or else she will not feel like I'm bonding with her. It's a little maddening."


A person is playing video games on a computer setup with a controller in hand, illuminated by ambient purple and blue lighting
Alessandro Biascioli / Getty Images

21."Deep down, I really just want to be lazy. I don’t want to go to work, cook, change the bedding every week, or find part-time income streams. In my heart, I just want to lounge about, get a bit drunk, and read books or watch YouTube videos. I do as much as possible so that she’s comfortable and happy, but I don’t want to admit that I don’t really WANT to do anything useful."


"I feel this one. What is wrong with me that I largely only feel any gratification when I’m doing things that are completely unproductive, and everything else feels like an imposition? I wish I could get even a modicum of satisfaction from completing a project around the house, running an errand, or cleaning. I’m only happy when I’m sitting on my ass."


22."We generally are not impressed by your ham-fisted attempt to play the bass guitar. Maybe a song or two, but we didn't sign up for an exclusive, five-hour solo bass concert featuring Dave from Tinder. Take the non-specific compliment and put the guitar down."


Man in a red sweater and green hat playing an acoustic guitar with a content expression on his face
Webfluential / Getty Images

23."The fact that she won't let me put any of my 'hobby toys' (mostly miniatures and random knickknacks) in our shared spaces without it being in an 'approved' location. Meanwhile, the entire house is her canvas for her aesthetic. It makes me feel really lonely and small sometimes, and she doesn't care. It's been a topic of conversation — she just doesn't get that delegating me a tiny shelf isn't the same as letting me actually decorate some."


24."How much I don't want them talking to me when I don't know them. I've already seen numerous times that they can't handle it because they feel entitled to attention from women. I'm talking about when I'm out in nature taking photos, and they think I should answer their questions about what I'm taking photos of and their long, dumb stories of crap they see in their backyard. Or when I'm sitting reading in a cafe, eating alone, or even when I'm grocery shopping. I actually don't want to talk to you, and I don't want you to come up to me to ask random questions. Most other women don't either, believe me."


A man in a casual gray shirt and a woman in a sleeveless top sit at a café table outdoors, each with a cup of coffee. The woman looks slightly away
Anyaberkut / Getty Images/iStockphoto

25."That she almost ended the relationship. It took years for me to forgive her when she said, 'You’re not a parent, so you don’t know.' I spent years raising her children as my own."


26."When she wants to go out with her girlfriends or away overnight with some friends, she thinks I’m upset I’m not included. In reality, I’m praising the lord for a day or two alone."


"I look forward to the once-a-month, 'I want to go hang out with my friend Sarah' 'Awww shucks, I guess I’ll go play cards' conversation.

I’d go play cards once a week if I could!"


27."At least for me, the period-related mood swings are less about irrationally disproportionate emotional responses and more about a weakening of the filter that usually holds back an emotional response. The things that piss me off when I'm on my period still piss me off when I'm not on my period — I just normally try not to express them."


A woman with shoulder-length hair, wearing a white dress with black polka dots, is dramatically laughing or yelling in front of a mirror
Enes Evren / Getty Images

28."When she says she feels like I'm not listening, it's because I'm not. I told her how to solve a certain problem in five minutes with no downsides last week, and I've heard about it enough times that I don't have to listen. I know the next six sentences she's going to say word for word right down to the hand gestures and facial expression."

"I'm very abundantly aware that sometimes she just wants to be heard. What I'm saying is how many times do I have to hear the exact same thing that could easily be solved in five minutes before I'm allowed to suggest something if it bothers her so much?"


29.And finally, "Sometimes I suggest watching porn while we have sex because I feel bad that they have to have sex with me. This way, they can pretend they're having sex with someone else."


A man and a woman are close to kissing, with the woman's hand gently touching the man's chin. Their faces are partially visible and intimate
Proud_natalia / Getty Images/iStockphoto

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.