25 Eye-Opening Confessions From A Trauma Therapist That Changed The Way I Think About Mental Health

Recently, on Reddit, a therapist specializing in treating trauma invited people to "Ask Me Anything," and they ended up answering so many questions I've always wanted to ask.

They started the conversation by writing, "Let's talk about how trauma isn't always what you think. I specialize in helping people work through the invisible ways trauma and chronic stress show up in their lives and their bodies.

Trauma isn’t always about big, catastrophic events. It often hides in the small, ordinary moments that teach you it’s not safe to be yourself, to say no, or to take up space. Over time, these experiences leave traces that shape how you show up in your relationships, work, and even your mind.

Here are a few examples of how trauma might show up:✅ That knot in your chest when you say “yes” while your soul screams for a “no.”✅ The “what-ifs” that hijack your rest and keep you wide awake when all you want is sleep.✅ The guilt when you try to set boundaries with a loved one.✅ The anxious buzz that makes you sell yourself short or repeat patterns you wish you could stop.✅ The shame that hits when your actions don’t align with what you know is right.

These patterns? They’re sneaky. They keep you stuck, feeling like you’re always just surviving.

I’ve spent years helping people untangle these traces of trauma so they can finally break free and start living instead of surviving.

So, let’s talk about it! Ask me anything. Whether it’s about how trauma sneaks in, why we fall into patterns we hate, or how healing is possible, I’m here to answer.

Let’s have an open, judgment-free conversation. Bring your questions, stories, and curiosity. I’m ready."

Here are some of the best questions and answers from the thread:

1.Q: What are your qualifications?

2.Q: Are you saying that everything that’s uncomfortable is trauma?

A: It can definitely feel that way sometimes, right? Especially with how widely the word ‘trauma’ gets used these days. But not everything uncomfortable is trauma. True trauma usually involves experiences that overwhelm a person’s ability to cope — leaving lasting emotional, physical, or relational impacts.

That said, it’s important to acknowledge that what’s ‘traumatic’ can look different for everyone based on their history, nervous system, and support system. Discomfort is part of life, but trauma is when that discomfort becomes something we get stuck in, unable to move through without help.

3.Q: What are your favorite ways to address trauma?

A: I love approaches that work with both the mind and body. Modalities like EMDR, Brainspotting, and Somatic Experiencing (SE) can help process trauma in a deeper way, especially when talk therapy alone doesn’t feel like enough.

4.Q: What do you think about EMDR? I had pretty terrible PTSD for over 30 years. I made a lot of progress in therapy, but trying EMDR last year was almost like magic for me. I don’t even qualify for a PTSD diagnosis anymore and have no more flashbacks. When I’ve spoken about it, I very often get people telling me it’s bunk and there’s no science behind it. Did I basically just get a great placebo effect?

5.Q: What is somatic therapy? My therapist recommends this, but it seems to be hubba jubba to me. Would appreciate a very layperson explanation

A: I get why somatic therapy might sound like ‘hubba-jubba’ at first. It’s not always explained well! At its core, somatic therapy focuses on how trauma and stress show up in the body, not just the mind.

When we go through something overwhelming, our bodies often hold onto the experience like tight muscles, a racing heart, stomach tension, or feeling frozen. Somatic therapy helps you notice and release these physical signs of stress or trauma, which can help you feel calmer, more connected, and less stuck.

It’s not just about talking; it might involve things like breathing exercises, gentle movements, or even focusing on sensations in your body. For example, if you notice your shoulders are tense, a therapist might guide you to explore that tension, breathe through it, and help your body relax.

It’s based on the idea that sometimes our bodies remember what our minds don’t, and by working with the body, we can process and heal in a deeper way. It might feel different at first, but for a lot of people, it’s really powerful.

6.Q: What are some subtle signs the nervous system isn’t regulated?

A: These signs might not scream ‘stress,’ but they’re often your system’s way of saying it’s overwhelmed:

Body:

Constant muscle tension (like tight shoulders or jaw clenching).

Digestive issues (bloating, nausea, or appetite changes).

Trouble sleeping—either falling asleep or waking up frequently.

Feeling exhausted, even after rest.

Shallow, fast breathing, or frequent sighing.

Emotions:

Feeling ‘on edge’ or overly irritable.

Numbness or a sense of disconnection, like you’re just going through the motions.

Feeling stuck in sadness or having unexpected emotional waves.

Behaviors:

Difficulty concentrating or constantly feeling distracted.

Being jumpy or startled easily.

Avoiding people, places, or activities you usually enjoy.

Overworking or staying constantly busy to avoid slowing down.

These subtle signs are often your nervous system saying, ‘I’m stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode.’ If you notice these patterns, practices like deep breathing, grounding exercises, gentle movement, or even small breaks throughout the day can help your system return to a calmer, more regulated state.

7.Q: Do you have to be a certain level of stable before doing the work, or can you do it when you’re feeling destabilized from your trauma?

8.Q: Does therapy actually help? It looks expensive, and I don't want to pay someone $200 an hour just to talk about my problems.

A: Great question! Finding a therapist can feel overwhelming, especially when it comes to cost and insurance, so I’ll break it down:

Insurance vs. Private Pay: Some therapists only accept private pay, while others accept insurance. The easiest way to determine who’s covered is to call your insurance plan and ask for a list of in-network providers. It’s a quick way to narrow your options.

Affordable Options: If cost is a concern, free or discounted resources are available. Open Path Collective connects clients with therapists who offer significantly reduced rates, and organizations like Pro Bono Counseling provide low-cost or free options based on need.

As for whether therapy helps? It depends on the person, the therapist, and where you are in your journey. Therapy can be incredibly powerful for gaining insight, processing emotions, and breaking patterns that keep you stuck. For some people, therapy brings quick clarity; for others, it’s a slower process of peeling back layers.

The key is finding a therapist you feel safe with, someone who gets you and what you’re going through. When that connection is there, therapy can make a huge difference. Good luck to ya', you got this.

9.Q: If someone is looking for a trauma therapist, what should they look for to find a good match?

A: Look for someone trained in trauma modalities like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, or Brainspotting. It’s also important to feel safe and connected with them — trusting your gut about whether they "get" you matters just as much as their credentials. Don’t be afraid to ask about their approach and experience with trauma work.

10.Q: How long will it take to see results from trauma therapy?

11.Q: Is a pattern of choosing bad partners repeatedly a form of trauma? How does one recognize and categorize it?

A: Let's dissect this. Repeating patterns of choosing ‘bad’ partners can often be linked to trauma, though it’s not always apparent at first. Trauma, especially in relationships, can shape what feels familiar and even ‘safe,’ even if it’s unhealthy. For example, if early experiences taught you that love comes with chaos, inconsistency, or emotional unavailability, you might unknowingly gravitate toward those dynamics later in life.

Recognizing it: Start by noticing the patterns. Do these relationships share common themes, such as partners who are emotionally unavailable, controlling, or unpredictable? Do you often feel like you’re settling, trying to earn love, or replaying old dynamics? These are clues that past experiences may be driving present choices.

Categorizing it: It’s less about labeling the behavior than understanding it. Patterns like these often stem from attachment wounds, unhealed trauma, or learned survival strategies. The good news is, once you recognize the pattern, you can begin to disrupt it by exploring where it started, learning to identify red flags earlier, and redefining what healthy love feels like for you.

Healing this often involves rebuilding trust in oneself, one's boundaries, and one's ability to choose relationships that honor one's needs.

12.Q: Do you see differences in how trauma affects different neurotypes?

A: Yes, trauma can show up differently in neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals. For example, someone with ADHD might experience more intense emotional dysregulation or someone with autism may process and express trauma in ways that are unique to their sensory or social experience. A therapist familiar with neurodivergence can help tailor the work to fit those needs.

13.Q: Is hyper-independence an actual trauma response, or is that just something TikTok is trying to convince me of?

14.Q: When a traumatic event is unfolding, how can you protect yourself or minimize lasting trauma from it?

A: While you can’t always control what’s happening, you can care for yourself in the process to help minimize the impact.

Ground yourself in the moment: Focus on your breath, notice physical sensations (like your feet on the floor), or use grounding techniques to stay present.

Lean on support: Talk to trusted people about what you’re experiencing. You don’t have to hold this alone.

Give yourself permission to feel: Shock, fear, anger, sadness; there’s no ‘right’ way to respond. Letting yourself process what’s happening is key.

Consider professional support: A therapist can help you work through this event now, which can reduce how it lingers over time.

Be gentle with yourself, friend. Taking care of your own well-being is essential.

15.Q: Is there a good way to tell if you are actually handling a traumatic event well or just masking it? I had a traumatic event this year, and I did some therapy, but I have seen a lot of messed up things in my career. There are certain things that bother me now that didn’t used to, but, otherwise, I feel pretty normal. Would love your insight.

A: First and foremost, self-awareness is a huge piece, and it reads this way to me: You have some understanding of yourself.

What you’re describing is pretty common, especially for people who have seen or experienced a lot. Over time, we develop coping mechanisms that help us ‘function’ after traumatic events. Still, it can sometimes be tricky to tell whether we’re genuinely processing the experience or just masking it. I would invite you to consider the following:

1) Are there small shifts or patterns in your emotions, behaviors, or body that feel different? You mentioned certain things bother you now that you weren’t used to, like irritability, avoidance, or feeling on edge in specific situations. These subtle changes might be your system signaling that there’s still some residual processing to do, even if it’s under the surface.

2) How does "normal" feel for you? Feeling "pretty normal" might mean you’ve been able to integrate this experience, especially if you’ve built strong coping skills. But if "normal" involves a lot of pushing through, numbing out, or avoiding triggers, it might mean that part of the trauma is still sitting beneath the surface.

3) Your career experience matters here too. People who have seen difficult things professionally often compare their responses to others; it’s a way we try to gauge how we’re doing. But trauma is personal. Just because you’ve experienced other intense situations doesn’t mean this one isn’t affecting you in its own unique way. It’s okay if this event feels different or hits you in unexpected places.

If you feel mostly at peace and these thoughts or sensations don’t interfere with your day-to-day, that’s a good sign you’ve processed much of it. If, on the other hand, you notice specific triggers, discomfort, or lingering heaviness, it doesn’t mean you’re failing to "handle it"; it might just mean there’s more to explore in a way that feels safe for you. Sometimes, going back to therapy for a session or two can help clarify what’s still and is already resolved.

Ultimately, trust yourself. You’re already asking the right questions, which shows you’re tuned into your experience. Healing doesn’t always mean you’re bothered by something; it means you’ve given yourself the space to feel what needs to be felt so it doesn’t linger in ways that disrupt your life later on. Be easy on yourself.

16.Q: I’m very elderly, and now memories I haven’t thought of for years seem to be coming back to "haunt" me. I don’t understand why these memories are all flooding back now with such clarity — even in dreams/nightmares at times. Is it simply because, being old and retired, my brain now has time to reflect on things it never had time to do before? Or is it something else?

17.Q: Can I just take shrooms and heal my trauma?

A: I get why that idea is appealing, especially with psychedelics like psilocybin (‘shrooms’) getting a lot of attention for trauma healing. While they can open doors to deeper insight or release, they’re not a magic fix. Healing trauma typically requires support, integration, and a safe container to process what comes up.

If you’re curious, I’d encourage you to approach it with care, ideally with guidance from professionals trained in psychedelic integration so it becomes part of a larger, intentional healing journey rather than a standalone experience.

18.Q: Do you think that small traumas can sort of build up over time? Every day that I go to work, I'm walking into someone's nightmare. I don't feel like it's ever taking much of an emotional toll on me because these nightmares are very much my everyday experience. I have, however, noticed over time that my general anxiety around people has increased, as well as just being more reactive and emotional. Is this something that you've ever seen with your clients?

A: Yes, absolutely. Small, repeated traumas, especially in high-stress or traumatic environments, can build up over time. This is sometimes referred to as cumulative trauma or chronic stress, and it can have a sneaky way of showing up in your body and emotions, even if it feels like you’re used to it.

I often think of small traumas like papercuts. One or two might not feel like much, but when you get them day after day, they can add up to something really painful, even if you don’t notice it right away.

What you’re describing, general anxiety, increased reactivity, and feeling more emotional, are all things I’ve seen with patients in similar situations. It’s like the system gets overloaded over time, even if each individual stressor feels manageable in the moment.

If this resonates, it might be worth exploring ways to process and release that buildup, whether through therapy, somatic practices, or finding ways to create a sense of safety and regulation for yourself outside of work. It’s not about being ‘weak’ or unable to handle it; it’s about acknowledging that carrying other people’s nightmares every day is heavy, and you deserve space to let go of some of that weight. Please prioritize your well-being. No one deserves you more than you.

19.Q: What is your advice on developing self-esteem after dealing with emotional abuse?

20.Q: When trauma gets to the point where its fingers reach into every thought, waking or sleeping, where do you start unraveling it?

A: When trauma feels like it’s woven into every thought — waking or sleeping — it can feel overwhelming to even know where to begin. But you don’t have to untangle everything all at once. Here’s where you can start:

Start with safety: Begin by creating small moments of safety in your day. This could be through grounding exercises, focusing on your breath, or noticing things that make you feel calm or secure, even briefly. This helps your nervous system regulate and gives you a stronger foundation to work from.

Focus on the present: Trauma keeps us stuck in the past, but grounding into the here and now can be powerful. Try simple grounding techniques like naming five things you see, hear, or feel around you when the thoughts get overwhelming.

Break it into small pieces: You don’t have to face everything all at once. Start by noticing which thoughts or triggers feel the heaviest right now and get curious about them. Writing them down or saying them out loud to yourself can help them feel less tangled.

Seek out support: If it feels safe for you, talking to someone you trust, whether a therapist, friend, or support group, can help you start to process the weight of it. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Be gentle with yourself: Trauma recovery isn’t linear. Some days might feel harder than others, and that’s okay. Even small steps, like recognizing that trauma is affecting your thoughts, are a sign you’re beginning to unravel its hold.

Healing starts with meeting yourself where you are, one moment at a time. You don’t have to untangle everything today. Just take the first small step toward creating space for yourself.

21.Q: I see that phrase a lot: "be gentle with yourself." But I don't really get it. What are some examples of that?

A: I get it because "be gentle with yourself" can feel vague. Here are some concrete examples:

Talk to yourself like you would a friend: If a friend made a mistake or was struggling, you wouldn’t call them ‘lazy’ or ‘a failure.’ Try saying something kinder to yourself, like ‘I’m doing my best,’ or ‘It’s okay to have hard days.’

Lower the bar when you need to: If you’re overwhelmed, let yourself do ‘good enough’ instead of perfect, like making a simple meal instead of cooking from scratch or resting when you need to, not just when you ‘earn it.’

Take breaks without guilt: Whether it’s 10 minutes of quiet, a short walk, or listening to music, give yourself permission to pause. Rest isn’t a reward; it’s a necessity.

Acknowledge small wins: Even small steps — getting out of bed, responding to one email, or taking a shower — deserve credit when you’re struggling.

Let yourself feel without judgment: If you’re sad, anxious, or frustrated, it’s okay. ‘Being gentle’ means allowing those feelings without shaming yourself for having them.

At its core, being gentle with yourself means treating yourself with patience and compassion, especially when things are hard. You’re human, and you don’t have to have it all figured out.

22.Q: How common is medical trauma?

23.Q: Thoughts on ketamine therapy?

A: I’m not a licensed ketamine provider, but I do work with several patients who are receiving ketamine treatment as part of their healing journey. For many, it’s been a powerful and complementary tool alongside traditional talk therapy.

Ketamine therapy can create a kind of ‘opening,’ helping people access thoughts, emotions, or memories that might feel blocked or difficult to approach in a typical therapy session. It can offer new perspectives and reduce the emotional weight of trauma, which can make processing it in therapy more manageable.

That said, like any treatment, it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach. Success often depends on having the right support structure, including integration work with a therapist to help make sense of what comes up during the sessions. If it’s something you’re considering, I’d encourage you to speak with a licensed provider and ensure you have a plan for ongoing therapeutic support to get the most benefit.

24.Q: I’ve been diagnosed with chronic PTSD. I am very bothered, angry even, when people self-diagnose PTSD and use therapy speak to discuss everyday occurrences. People seem very comfortable using terms like trauma or PTSD to describe what I perceive to be something very different than what I and others like me experience. Have you noticed this at all in your work? Do you have any advice on how to respond to this phenomenon?

A: I can understand why this feels frustrating and even angering. It’s incredibly painful to have a diagnosis like chronic PTSD stemming from a significant trauma, and to see those terms used casually can feel invalidating or minimizing of your experience.

In my work, I’ve noticed this shift too. Terms like ‘trauma’ or ‘PTSD’ have entered everyday language, especially online, and while some people are genuinely seeking to understand their experiences, others might misuse these words to describe stress or discomfort that doesn’t rise to the clinical level.

I think part of this comes from people wanting to express that they’re struggling but not always having the language to articulate it well. At the same time, for those who do live with PTSD or significant trauma, it can feel like their experience is being diluted.

How to respond? That depends on your energy and comfort level:

You might choose to gently share your perspective when it feels right: ‘I’ve experienced chronic PTSD, and it’s different from what you’re describing. These terms carry a lot of weight for people living with real trauma.’

Sometimes, it can help to step back and remind yourself that others using these words doesn’t take away from the validity of your experience, even though it can feel that way.

It’s okay to feel angry about this. Your pain and healing are real, and you deserve for that to be acknowledged. I hope you can hold onto the truth of your story, no matter how others use the language.

25.Q: Can you share any success stories or breakthroughs you've seen in your practice?

Can you relate to any of the questions or answers that were shared in this thread? Let's talk about it in the comments.

And if you've had a life experience that you'd like to answer questions about for a future BuzzFeed post, let me know in this anonymous Google form.