Yahoo Lifestyle 21 "I'm Dating An Idiot" Stories That Are Sooooo Funny
A while ago, we shared some stories from people who had dated someone...well, kinda stupid. The comments in that post were filled with folks from the BuzzFeed Community sharing their own "I'm dating an idiot" stories, so here are some of the best ones!
1.
"Went to the museum on a date and she was laughing when we got to the dinosaur bones. I asked what was so funny, and she confidently said that dinosaurs never existed. She thought they didn’t exist because she had seen them in cartoons so they couldn’t possibly be real. She was 22."
2.
"My ex-boyfriend back in high school thought that when a woman had her monthly cycle, it was blue liquid like how they portrayed it in the commercials for feminine products. Couldn’t get out of that relationship fast enough!"
—anonymous
3.
"My husband and I were looking for a new car. I wanted a regular car, and he wanted a convertible. It was 74 degrees outside and sunny, and he got mad at me for opening the sunroof in my car. The sun was burning his face, he said. We did not buy a convertible."
—anonymous
4.
"I told him my best friend and I were planning a trip to Australia. After telling him how long the flights would be, he said, 'You guys don’t want to drive there?' We live in Canada."
—anonymous
5.
"My ex and I had a big fight over birds being mammals. It was late at night, and she was insisting because she 'used to be a marine biologist major' that birds are mammals because they are warm-blooded. I knew they were warm-blooded, but I had to get up out of bed and use dial-up internet to prove they had their own category: BIRDS."
6.
"He didn’t know what toes were. I thought I had broken the fourth toe on my foot. He asked to see it, and I showed him that it was bruised and swollen. He then said, 'I thought you said you hurt your toe?' I pointed again at the discolored toe and said, 'Yes, this one.' He stared at it and then back at me and said, 'I thought only the big ones were toes...'
To this day, I don’t know what he thought the other things on the end of his foot were. Maybe it had just never occurred to him to ask? Or maybe he thought of them as piggies."
—anonymous
7.
"My ex-fiancé thought women just walk around with milk in their boobs, willy-nilly."
8.
"My ex and I were getting frisky, when he suddenly jerked upright and exclaimed, 'Oh my god, I felt a lump!'
My nipple. He felt my nipple, and thought it was a cancerous lump."
9.
"We were going to smoke weed, and he said he had a vaporizer. This man pulls out a HUMIDIFIER and proceeds to put the weed in the basin for water and is confused about how to turn it on to get the smoke..."
—anonymous
10.
"I’m a male. My date wanted to know when I was on my period so that we could have sex and she would not get pregnant. She was over 25 years old."
—anonymous
11.
"A friend introduced me to one of her roommates, and we hit it off really well. I went to pick her up to go to a concert a few weeks into our relationship, and she was still getting ready, so her roommates let me in. They were all smiling and kind of giggling when I walked in, and there was a strange smell in the air. After a few minutes of small talk, her roommate (my friend) couldn’t hold back any longer and walked me to the kitchen to show me something. I looked at the stove to see a plastic bowl melted to the burner. My date had tried to make mac and cheese (unsupervised) on the stove using a plastic bowl to heat the water…"
—anonymous
12.
"I dated this girl who worked in a grocery store. She told me she asked a customer from Pennsylvania if it is true that there are vampires in Pennsylvania."
—anonymous
13.
"We were fooling around, completely dressed, and he dry-humped me. Again, fully clothed. We stopped, and he went home. Two days later, he came over crying, worried sick. I asked what was going on. He wanted to take me to a doctor to confirm my pregnancy for what 'he did to me.' Again, we were fully clothed only two days prior. Also, we were college sophomores."
—anonymous
14.
"Guy asked me to a graduation party. I had mono at the time. After the party, he pulled off the road and leaned over to kiss me. I again said that I have mono. His response: 'Kissing cures mono.' What?!"
—anonymous
15.
"She was having a debate with an employee and finally said, 'Vietnam isn’t a COUNTRY, it’s a WAR.'"
—anonymous
16.
"When Charles Whitman committed mass murder using rifles atop the clock tower of the University of Texas in 1966, my then GF said, 'They should ban towers!' Not guns; towers. 🤷🏻♂️"
—anonymous
17.
"I was dating a lady in her mid-twenties, and we decided to go to the Metro Zoo with four generations of women from her family. It was my girlfriend, her mother, her grandmother, and her daughter (7). The zoo was having a major showing of dinosaurs. Since I had already seen the display, I decided to check out the reptile pavilion, and we would meet back in an hour. When I met them, they were not happy. I asked what was wrong. The three older ones, in unison, said, 'What a waste of time; it is just a bunch of skeletons.' To which I replied, 'The last dinosaur on earth has been extinct for at least 65 million years.' To which the mother replied, 'Well, they should have let us know it was only going to be a bunch of bones instead of real dinosaurs.' Uh, ya."
—anonymous
18.
"I was cooking rice, and my ex-husband asked how the rice multiplies. I asked what he meant. He thought the rice multiplied to fill up the pot. Litany of reasons why he is an ex."
—anonymous
19.
"While living on the East Coast, I had a lunch date with a New Yorker who was the embodiment of the famous New Yorker magazine cover about a New York resident's idea of US geography. When I told him I was from Minnesota, he paused for a moment and asked, 'Does Minnesota have a seacoast?'
After spending a few seconds in shock at his ignorance, I said, 'Not in this geological era.'"
20.
"A guy I had been dating was staying over at my place a couple of days a week when I noticed that every day he made toast, he would pick up the entire toaster and carry it across my large kitchen to plug it in and use there. After observing this on several occasions, I asked him why he was doing this. He replied that he was moving the toaster closer to the loaf of bread. I was dumbfounded for a second, then asked him if he thought it might be a tad easier to take the bread to the toaster. The blank stare was all I needed to back slowly away from this Einstein."
—anonymous
21.
"First date with a girl, and before we get to the restaurant, she mentions she’s vegetarian. No problem, I chose a place that serves a lot of choices. We sit down, and she orders a steak. I asked her to clarify if she was vegetarian. She says, 'Yes, but this is from the meat factory, so it’s OK.' This was decades before the whole Impossible Meat craze. The waitress looked at me and said to me, 'I don’t think she’s going to work out for us, babe.' Playing along, I said, 'Prob not.' The girl got mad and left, so I got to enjoy a nice steak with the waitress on her break, who I later married."
—anonymous
If you have a story like this to share (and don't we all?), tell us about it in the comments or using this anonymous form! The best stories may be featured in a future BuzzFeed Community post or video.
