By Siski Green
If she’s too gentle . . .
ON ONE HAND
When she’s engaged in that manual labour of love, imagine she’s blind and needs to be shown the way home.
“Place your hand on top of hers, finger against finger, to guide her when she’s giving you a hand job,” says Dr Sadie Allison, author of Tickle His Pickle. “Be firm and keep going until you’re done so that she can replicate the experience next time.”
ON THE OTHER
“If she’s going down on you, take her hand and show her how to use it as she sucks you,” advises Allison. “Many women think it’s all about the mouth, not realising how much easier – not to mention quicker – the whole ‘job’ can be using hands as well.” And she says you never lift a finger to help.
WET ‘N’ WILD
The friction of dry hand on dry penis can make her touch tentative – she’s worried she’ll hurt you.
“Add a bit of lubrication and you’ll be slipping through her fingers with ease,” reckons Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: The Woman’s Guide to Casual Sex. “It’s the best way to encourage firmer, faster action.”
GALLERY: 35 sex positions to keep the fire burning
A BIT ON THE SIDE
If you’ve seen how things go down on seedy celluloid, rethink your position.
“Blow jobs are often depicted in films with women kneeling in front, but unless you’re short or she’s skilled at controlling her gag reflex, it’s a tricky position,” warns Allison.
“Instead, have her sit at your side as you lie down – the angle allows much easier access.”
THE RIGHT SQUEEZE
If her tunnel of love doesn’t feel as snug as you’d like, sign her up for a pilates course.
“Pilates will help strengthen her core muscles, including the pelvic floor,” according to Alvin Quek of Pilates International. “Practised regularly, it’ll tighten the vaginal canal to develop extra squeeze and stimulation.”
Plus, she regularly wears lycra to do it, which has to be a good thing.
If she’s shy . . .
There’s a reason to rise early.
“Coming out of sleep, inhibitions are lower and testosterone levels peak, making you both more easily aroused and giving her more confidence,” says psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford, author of Overcoming Sexual Problems.
PUT THE BLINKERS ON
If you want to see her complete the transformation from mild-mannered to minx, stop watching.
“By wearing a blindfold, you allow her to explore her naughtier side without feeling self-conscious, like she’s being observed or appraised,” reveals Dubberley.
But hopefully not so naughty that she nips downstairs to watch neighbours.
SPICE UP YOUR TEXT LIFE
“Many women have wild fantasies, but can’t express them in the bedroom,” says Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sensational Sex. “Let her tell you her dirty thoughts in a more anonymous way and she might just ’fess up. Start with texts or e-mails, working your way up to phone sex.”
DON’T PUT OUT
Chastity seems an odd tactic for sex-life improvement, but stay with us.
“Sometimes women become sexually defensive or shy, because their partner is always there first, asking or angling for some action,” according to relationship counsellor Paula Hall. “Stop asking and you may find her sexual appetite gets the better of her, revealing a hunger that brings out her more confident side.”
Try backing off for 14 days. If she’s still not interested, maybe you should change your deodorant.
TURN THE OTHER CHEEKS
If she’s shy, tires easily on top (or she just doesn’t fancy you), turn her around to face your feet, keeping your legs together.
“When she’s kneeling with her legs around your torso, the wide angle of her knees means her thigh muscles have to work hard,” reveals Spurr.
“When she faces your feet, she can bring her knees closer together around your thighs, making the up-and-down motion less strenuous.”
If she won’t experiment . . .
TOY WITH HER
“If you fancy using some props in the bedroom, start with innocent-looking toys like I Rub My Ducky,” suggests Sarah Hedley, Editor of UK women’s sex magazine Scarlet.
“It’s a vibrator disguised as a rubber, bath duck, which is inoffensive and fun, but introduces the notion of using ‘tools’ to enhance sex.”
“Buy some velcro handcuffs, but ask her to slap them on yourself, not the other way around,” adds Spurr. “That way, you’re not asking her to do something that makes her feel vulnerable.”
If she starts reading you your rights, consider cooling the role-play.
MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF
“Getting her to the level of orgasm can be a hard slog,” admits Spurr. So stage your own industrial revolution and bring some machinery to bed.
The Clit Flicker with Wireless Stimulator is a cock ring with a vibrating bullet that will stimulate her clitoris, while intensifying your erection and orgasm.
And no, just because it’s a ring of sorts, it doesn’t count as a present.
If she’s lazy . . .
GIVE HER A BREAK
“If you abide by the principle of ‘ladies first’ and find her a little lacklustre after she comes, give her some time to recover,” says Ford. “Women, like men, feel sleepy after they come, so spend 10 minutes caressing her while she regains her composure.” (Nipping in first and then passing out immediately afterwards works as well, but you won’t be very popular at breakfast.)
BURN YOUR Y-FRONTS
“In the past few decades, women have learnt that orgasms, like voting and equal pay, are their right,” says Spurr.
This tide of female emancipation has led to a “princess-and-the-pea syndrome” – her “pea” gets all the attention, while everything else gets sidelined.
“The pea’s demands will eclipse those of your penis,” warns Spurr. So stand up for your rights, man!