Yahoo Lifestyle Susan Crandell, 61, 'I'd rather spend money on a safari than a face lift!'
Morning sun warmed our backs as we scrambled up a rock face, the river shimmering below. We four friends making our way up a steep bushwalking trail, represented three decades of life: Ali, a doctoral candidate at 40; Kaki, a new grandmother at 55; Star, a triathlete who, at 60, qualified for the world competition in London; and me, a writer and a year older than Star.
A generation or two ago, making this hike in your 60s would have been noteworthy.
Not anymore. On that bright summer day, there were lots of people our age on the mountain. It’s the happy side effect of my generation’s Peter Pan attitude: “What, me grow old? No way.” We’re breaking the rules and having fun doing it.
We’re learning to love our age, whatever it may be.
Here’s a sign of how much things have changed: I was reading a dog-eared book to my grandson, and the grandmother in it had the short, purple-grey permed hair my grandmas wore. I don’t look like that, and neither does Zeke’s other grandma, who hosts a volleyball game on Sundays that’s so cutthroat, I don’t dare play.
Like the late Nora Ephron, I’m no fan of my neck, but don’t spend a lot of time worrying about frown lines and sagging skin.
Frankly, there’s too much to do—and I’d much rather spend the bucks on a safari in Africa than on a face lift. Talking to my friends, I discover that while our outsides are ageing, we feel beautiful in a way many of us never have before. The packaging may be getting a little tattered, but we’ve never felt more sure of who we are. So we patch ourselves up and move on with our lives. And what amazing lives they are.
Midlife and later can be the best time of your life.
Researching a recent story on late-in-life athletes, I discovered a platform diver in her 80s, a 59-year-old barrel racer and a woman training for a 160km ultramarathon to celebrate her 70th birthday. Call it postmenopausal zest, as anthropologist Margaret Mead did, or generativity, the impulse—described by psychologist Erik Erikson—towards productivity, good works, even friskiness, which just happens to peak in middle age.
We know who we are.
All this experimentation can flourish because by midlife, it’s growing on the bedrock of a psyche that’s strong. If we were once bashful, we no longer are. We’ve also learned to say no. The other day, I tried a new class at the gym. As the instructor got in our faces, reprimanding us for not positioning our equipment precisely like hers, I thought to myself, I’ve spent decades learning not to take orders from somebody else, and I’m not starting now. I left that class and went straight to yoga.
Maybe there’s a reason for those nasty little pot bellies our bodies seem to want to grow: they focus us on what’s inside, the part that really counts. Whether it’s being a kind friend, doing volunteer work, or falling in love all over again, it’s how we live life that really matters.
It’s not that our lives are all rainbows and unicorns.
At midlife, we deal with some serious stuff. I attended four funerals in a month. Our ageing parents are losing their grip on life. Friends are coming down with diseases we used to just read about. We learn how to grieve and to console, finding our footing in another area of life. It’s sad work, but it’s critical, and it teaches us we are strong.
We're made out of grit.
There’s a relatively new tributary of positive psychology called grit. It’s perseverance, stick-to-itiveness, resilience. At midlife and beyond, we specialise in it. I call it rosy realism. We’re taking our knocks, but we’re not letting them knock us down. We have the big picture, and we get the long haul.
It helps to do things that make you feel ageless.
I’m a cyclist, and every year on my birthday, I ride my age in kilometres. Likewise, I challenge myself to do at least one scary thing every year: rock climbing, giving a speech. As we get older, jumping out of our comfort zones adds exhilaration—and reminds us that we need never stop growing. The other day, a friend asked what was the happiest time of my life. My answer was quick: right now. I hope to give the same answer 10, even 20 years down the road.
Five more things to love about life post 40
● Older definitely means wiser, as proven by a study published in Psychological Science. It found the insight we acquire over time equips us to make smarter decisions as we age.
● It’s time to put your feet up: science has found the more candles on your cake, the less you sweat the small stuff.
● Your wellbeing increases. A US study has found that happiness and satisfaction skyrocket as you get older.
● You’re more confident, thanks to a combination of wisdom, perspective and experience.
● Once you hit 60, you can apply for a Seniors card, where a whole world of discounts and cheap travel await. Consider it your badge of honour. You’ve earned it!
