BIGGEST LITTLE STRESSORS

Maybe your right eye starts twitching when you glimpse your disappearing hairline in the mirror. Or perhaps you fling cushions across your lounge room every time your team blows yet another 20-point lead. This isn’t mere annoyance rearing its head – it’s bona fide stress, and proof that real anxiety can spring from far more than relationship angst, finances and work.

“These are the little things that men never think about, but should,” says Dr Glenn Good, a psychologist at the University of Missouri who specialises in male gender issues. “They can be chronic and ugly, and seriously compromise your health as they stack up.”

Indeed, stressed-out workers have a 68 per cent increased risk of heart disease, a University College London study found. And a Swedish study by researchers at Umeå University suggests that stress increases a man’s risk of developing diabetes.

So MH polled more than 1500 men to find out which stressors lurk in the backgrounds of their lives. Who knew that something as mundane as sharing a chequebook can cause so much tension? Or that simply finding time to exercise can seriously strain your mental muscles? You need a smart strategy to battle these nuisances. Use our tips, provided by experts who sweat the small stuff, so you can focus your energy on what really matters – the rest of your life.

INSECURITY

Not surprisingly, financial worries scored highest of all the stressors in our survey. But it’s not about the money, says Dr Thomas Miller, the author of Handbook of Stressful Life Transitions Across the Lifespan. “Much financial stress actually has to do with uncertainty – about your money situation, yes, but that really means your job. Not knowing specifics about where you stand eats at you like acid.”

Defuse it: go on a fact-finding mission, says Miller. Ask your boss how you fit into the company’s plans, or what you can do to make yourself more valuable. If he pauses or doesn’t appear truthful, push him with, “Can you be more specific?” or even, “So do you think I should be concerned?”. “The more answers you’re given about your situation, the more clarity you’ll have – clarity equals control,” says Miller.

HAIR LOSS

More than half the men in our poll felt stressed out about their images and many specified hair loss as the main culprit. They’re not alone: a 2005 Mayo Clinic Proceedings review cites multiple studies showing that male pattern baldness negatively affects men’s feelings of attractiveness and body image. “For those guys who are feeling judged by their hair loss, the stress is very real,” says Good.

Defuse it: reframe the problem as a medical issue, suggests Good. Treating hair loss with transplants can cost up to $10,000, while drug treatments can cost as much as $80 a month, for decades. Run the numbers and decide if the expense is truly worth it to you, says Good. If it is, then go for it. But if you think you can deal with it as a mere medical inconvenience, you’ll be more easily able to snuff out this stressor.

EXERCISE

How’s this for a bitter irony: exercise is a well-known stress-buster, yet nearly one-third of the men in our poll rated sticking to an exercise program a seven or higher on a 10-point stress scale. First, you stress about missing a workout or not exercising at all. Second, cramming in everything else to make time for exercise causes stress. And that struggle “may affect how and what you’re eating”, says Miller. “Now your food intake becomes a stressor.”

Defuse it: Miller suggests portion control – for your workout schedule. Shrink your exercise “portions” by boosting intensity. Turn your cardio routine into a shorter, interval workout that alternates sprints with your normal pace. (You’ll also boost fat burning this way.) If you’re lifting weights, cut your between-set rest in half. Then look for ways to condense other activities: showering, cooking, surfing the net, and so forth. You have the time; you simply have to own it.

CO-MANAGING THE CASH

Financial stress can be much worse for men when they’re in a relationship, because a man’s view of the situation is often different from a woman’s. “Sometimes the views are diametrically opposed,” says Dr Jay Zagorsky, an Ohio State University economist. His research, published in the Journal of Socio-Economics, found that men tended to report much higher values for assets such as a home or car, while women inflated debt totals. (Estimates of income and net worth varied, too.) This also shows that couples often don’t know how much money they have, or won’t talk about money honestly, says Good. “They refuse to address it because it’s awkward or embarrassing,” he says. Stress builds until the two of you collide over something like spending habits or large purchases. Then it explodes.

Defuse it: take 15 minutes over a weekend breakfast to write down your estimated assets, debts and net worth, suggests Good. Do this separately, and then compare your numbers with recent statements. If you share long-term financial goals and understand that you also share the day-to-day responsibility to work towards them, then the obvious imbalances in spending – you spend $50 more each month on coffee than she does, for instance – become easier to concede. A sense of mutual fairness allows your stress level to drop, explains Good.

YOUR TEAM

One in four men in our poll rated watching their team lose a seven or higher on the stress scale. Research shows that the deeper our dedication to a team or a player, the more likely we are to transform emotional reactions into hostility. You rip open the cushion, your day turns sour and friends and family hide.

Defuse it: find an online forum that discusses your favourite team – and dump your bile there. A University of Mississippi study found that fans posting on online message boards after their team lost a championship game posted “aggressive” comments, but the researchers argue that virtual venting may be a good thing. “Blogs and forums offer a place for socially acceptable displays of aggression,” writes the study’s lead author, Dr Brad Schultz. “The language may be rough and the attitudes tough, but the losers can commiserate, and no-one is hurt physically. Above all, it gives fans a place to go and share their experiences and look for understanding with other like-minded individuals.”

MORONS

One guy summed up the problem in two words: “stupid people”. Simply living your life means dealing with inconsiderate people, crappy service and the cloggers of society’s arteries. Remember, says Miller, you can’t influence them. “You see that these people aren’t making the best decisions and think you can do better. As a result, you feel less in control, and that’s a serious hidden stressor.”

Defuse it: don’t become embroiled in the morons’ messes. “I experience their nonsense every single day,” says business consultant Larry Winget, the author of People are Idiots and I Can Prove It. “Two things tend to bring me comfort. First, knowing that sometimes I’m an idiot, too. I also remind myself of a quote I heard many years ago: ‘When you give someone a piece of your mind, you’ve given up your peace of mind’. If you try to influence them, you give them control over you. I’ve driven myself crazy trying to fix people I know cannot be fixed and don’t want to be fixed. Now, I refuse to do that. It’s more fun if I just find them entertaining.”

THE JEDI WAY TO INNER CALM

If anxiety has already set in, banish it with “mindfulness stress-reduction exercises”. You’ll learn to “observe a negative experience without reacting to it emotionally”, says Good

MOVE When you feel stressed, take a walk. But don’t think about your troubles: pay attention only to physical things you see – plants, cars, people.

REFOCUS If thoughts relating to your anxiety intrude, say to yourself, “I can think about that later”. Wrestling with those thoughts just embeds them deeper.

DETACH Use this refocusing to train your brain to be able to observe negative events with detachment – to be able to say, “I won’t become anxious about this. I’m just going to focus on the problem.”