Yahoo Lifestyle This Mama's-Boy Boyfriend's Christmas Faux Pas Has United The Internet In Asking, "Why Are Men???"
I've written many stories on "red flags" in relationships, and more often than not, many women consider a guy who is a mama's boy to be a red flag (and I honestly agree). Recently, I came across this story posted in the r/relationship_advice subreddit that talks about a woman's boyfriend of three years getting a much nicer (and more expensive) Christmas gift for his mom compared to what she (thinks) he got her.
Before we get into it, I have one slightly nosy little question for you:
Before I give away too much, here is the full story posted by the OP (original poster): "I (25F) have been dating my BF (26M) for about three years now. The relationship is great; we never fight and agree on basically everything. We have the same timeline for the next steps, etc. However, one thing has always been touchy: his mom. I’m very close with my mom, and I think having a relationship with your parents is important, but his mom is definitely a 'classic boy mom, like, no one is better than mommy.' He doesn’t really seem to realize it, which is also bothersome."
"Here are a few interactions I’ve had with her: the first time I met her, I made oatmeal-chia-banana bread (my own recipe) and added some other fruits because I was told she eats very clean and so do I, but she didn’t eat any of it, lol. Not a huge deal, I guess, but I made it specifically for her, so I felt weird. A bit after this interaction, my boyfriend was distant, and I could just say something was up, so I asked him if his mom said anything about me.
He was honest and told me that she thought I wanted a ring on my finger right now, wanted to trap him, would follow him to his next city with no plans of my own, etc. This was all said following the first time I met her, and I gave her no indication of any of those things. I actually did the opposite, as I told her my career goal was to get a master's degree. I was frustrated that he switched up on me because of things his mom said, things I had never said/or even indicated to him," the OP added.
The OP continued by writing, "I told him that all those things she said were untrue and that if I wanted those things, I would have just said them. The second time I met her was at a dinner, and she was very distant, not talking to me (it was a four-person dinner, like her husband, son, and me). Then, the third time I met her, we went to her son's concert, and she knew that I was going to, but got separate seats for her and her husband, so I was sitting alone. There are more interactions than this, but these were some of the most memorable."
"His mom told me she was the reason he and his ex broke up. I thought she was joking, but she wasn’t. Okay, here's more backstory on the issue of the presents: my boyfriend is an awful gift-giver when it involves me. He got me a ring, one like a love knot ring, which was super sweet, and he told his mom, and she freaked. So ever since this, he’s been giving me basic gifts, and I feel like it’s because of what she says," wrote the OP.
So that brings us to this Christmas. The OP finished by explaining, "So he had some packages come into the apartment, and I was moving them out of the living area (very tiny apartment), and a card from a luxury jewelry company slipped out with the receipt and a card that says 'to mom.' He spent over a thousand on her, and I think he got me a sweatshirt from my college because he asked me my sweatshirt size and then sent me what he got his sister, which is a vintage sweatshirt from her college, too. I just feel weird; he gave his sister and me the same gift. His parents are millionaires, and she’s frequently gifted jewelry and cars," she continued.
Before we continue, I have another question for you:
I felt for the OP while reading this, and I personally think she has a long road ahead of her with this mama's boy dynamic if she stays with him. Here's what the rest of Reddit had to say:
"Even if you ignore all the mom parts of the story, it seems like it comes down to him not valuing you normally and meeting your relationship needs.
For someone you have dated for 3 years, this suggests the relationship has no good future, and it might be best for you to break up. Maybe he is leading you on about other things; managing parents is hard enough even when they aren't openly hostile."
"You will never have a healthy relationship with this guy as his mother doesn’t like you, and he will always defer to his mother. Honestly, no woman will ever be good enough for him other than her in her (and his) eyes."
"This won’t get better. You should have dumped him after the literal first time you met his mom, she talked made up shit about you to him, and it GOT TO HIM and he started treating you badly as a result of her influence.
It’s still happening and you’ve been putting up with it for 3 years. No more."
"He's a mama's boy. Don't date mama's boys. Mom will make your life hell. She'll never be wrong and he'll do whatever she says/wants. As you see, he puts her first and hasn't ever stood up for you."
"As someone with a monster-in-law, you must sit down with your boyfriend. Explain what you want from life and how you expect others to treat you. That you are done with his mom’s meddling. He will either stand up to his mom or he won’t. You make decisions based on that."
"You're always gonna play second fiddle to his mum, unless you want to be in a three-way relationship with him and his mother. I'd say get out while you can"
"He should know better than to get his sister and his romantic partner the same thing. But also yeah dude he’s a mommy’s boy. Nothing to be done nothing can be taught (or should be, it’s 2024 there’s really no excuse)."
Sheesh! What are your thoughts on all of this? Share it all with me in the comments below!
