This Woman Told Her Sister She Couldn’t Bring A Dish To Thanksgiving, And Now She’s Wondering If She’s The A**Hole

Recently, on the Am I The Asshole subreddit, a woman went viral after asking if she is an asshole for telling her sister she wasn't allowed to bring food to the family's Thanksgiving meal.

User SocietyTiny784 explained in her post, "Every year, our family does a big Thanksgiving dinner, and we all typically bring a dish or two. My sister, who’s a lovely person in every other way, insists on cooking something homemade every time. The issue? She’s…not a great cook. And I don’t mean just 'not great' — I mean she has somehow managed to turn classic dishes into borderline inedible creations."

"This year, I’m hosting Thanksgiving. Since I’m responsible for putting it all together, I wanted to keep the menu consistent so that people could actually enjoy a cohesive meal. I thought I’d avoid drama by asking her to bring non-food items instead — like wine, soda, or even some flowers. I explained to her (very kindly, I thought) that I just wanted to make things easy and streamlined, and I’d handle the main dishes. But she didn’t take it well."

"She got offended and told me I was being 'controlling' and 'shutting her out' of the family gathering. She then accused me of making her feel inadequate and said that Thanksgiving is about everyone contributing, not me deciding what’s 'acceptable.' I told her that everyone appreciates her effort but that she could contribute in other ways and still be part of it. She doubled down and said she’s bringing her 'famous' green bean casserole whether I like it or not."

"Now, my mom and a couple of other family members have chimed in, saying I should just let her bring whatever she wants because 'it’s Thanksgiving' and 'it’s the thought that counts.' They’re acting like I’m committing some huge offense by wanting the food to be enjoyable for everyone and not have random experimental dishes that no one will eat."

She also followed up with an update, saying, "After our last conversation, my sister was being pretty cagey about what she planned to make, so I reached out to my mom, hoping she could help smooth things over. Instead, she got defensive, saying I was 'overthinking' and that it was just one dish. I told her I wasn’t sure it was just one dish anymore, especially after hearing about my sister’s grocery haul (including canned oysters and edible glitter)."

"Then my mom let slip that my sister has been 'hard at work' on some 'creative menu' she’s planning as her 'Thanksgiving surprise.' Apparently, she’s been telling the family group chat (which I wasn’t included in, by the way) that I’m being 'controlling' and that she wants to 'expand everyone’s palate' with something 'truly unique.'"

"To top it off, my cousin sent me a screenshot from the group chat where my sister said she’s bringing not one, but three dishes to Thanksgiving now. She’s calling them her 'Thanksgiving Trio Experience,' complete with their own place settings and little menu cards she’s designing. I’m officially panicking because I have no idea what she’s planning to serve, and from what I’ve heard, it’s not remotely traditional."

Brian Hagiwara / Getty Images, Adrienne Bresnahan / Getty Images

"At this point, half the family thinks I’m overreacting, while the other half is texting me with things like, 'Is she really bringing glittered sweet potatoes?' I feel stuck—if I try to control it anymore, I’m the bad guy, but if I don’t, Thanksgiving might turn into a tasting event for my sister’s avant-garde cooking.

So yeah, Thanksgiving is weeks away, and it’s already become a family spectacle. I don’t know whether to brace myself or just preemptively order pizza."

Some commenters, like user Savings_Ad3556, agreed with her stance and felt the family needed to back her up. "This is not about people enjoying her food for her. She KNOWS that they don’t enjoy it. This is about control for her."

"You all have made a grave error in not correcting her inappropriate behavior from the beginning. Every family has someone who can not cook and is the designated drinks, cups, and ice person.

What she is doing is RUDE to you. YOU are the host, and YOU decide what is brought to an event you are hosting."

And user PunctualDromedary agreed. "At this point, she’s just hijacking the dinner. Hosting Thanksgiving is stressful enough. Sister is the asshole here."

User yesletslift was on board as well. "I’d be pissed too if someone brought some ungodly dish every year and wasted food because no one ate it."

"If sis will take home the leftovers and eat it, fine. But if she’s making something that keeps getting thrown away, then [you're] not the asshole, because that’s just wasteful."

Some users, like iamnotbetterthanyou, had their own nightmarish memories of Thanksgiving dishes past. "Not the asshole. Nobody else is allowed to cook for our Thanksgiving."

"Water chestnuts in the green bean casserole, hummus in the mashed potatoes, and other crimes against humanity have been performed by my relatives. I feel your pain."

And user sweetautumnbabe felt that the original poster had handled the situation well. "Not the asshole. You’re not trying to be mean; you’re just trying to create a meal that everyone can enjoy without the guessing game of 'What mystery ingredient did she throw in this year?'"

"It sounds like you handled it pretty tactfully by suggesting she bring non-food items. There’s still a way for her to feel involved without risking another experimental disaster."

User Rowana133 thought the original poster had overreacted but changed their mind after seeing the update from the phone call. "Just let her bring the green bean casserole and make an actually edible one as a backup. It's not worth it to die on this hill."

'Edit after seeing the original poster's update: Glittered sweet potatoes? What in the unholy hell spawn is THAT?! I'm scared about the oysters. My advice now would be to make so much food that there is absolutely NO room on the table and have her set up her trio somewhere else away from the normal people food. Or cancel it and have someone else host. She's doing it to disrespect YOU in your home, so maybe it's not worth it."

Other users, like arianrhodd, felt the original poster was overreacting. "This is not the hill to die on. People don't even have to try it, let alone eat an entire serving."

User Kristmaus agreed. "Soft 'you're the asshole.' She enjoys cooking, brings her meal, and for what you have written, doesn't throw a tantrum if nobody eats her dish...so what's the main issue you have with her food?"

"It looks like you are A BIT controlling, for the words you use ('cohesive meal,' 'consistent menu,' 'enjoyable')... since when has a badly cooked dish ruined an entire meal if nobody is being forced to eat it?"

"Honestly, you're being a bit of an asshole here. At this point, your entire family knows her cooking isn't great, so whatever monstrosity she creates isn't that big of a deal," user Anxious-Routine-5526 said.

"As long as there's enough food people can and will eat, leave her alone. If she wants to waste her time and money on creating something no one will eat, let her. What's the harm?"

User GarlicAndSapphire agreed. "This is the best Thanksgiving drama to have. Think of all of the possibilities! I'm a dayum good cook, and my family still laughs about the paella I made one year with horribly undercooked rice."

"I bring it up! All of us picked out the chicken, sausage, and seafood! Scraping the sad, hard grains of undercooked rice off the food! I still can't eat chorizo without imagining hard little yellow pellets attached to it. Make it fun. Don't stress. Enjoy the madness! Mild you're the asshole. It's not the big deal you're making it out to be."

And finally, user drawnnquarter felt that bad food at Thanksgiving could actually make good memories. "Be grateful you never had to eat my Aunt Betsy's 'famous oyster dressing,' more like infamous. She was a sweetie, so no one wanted to insult her."

"There was also Uncle Fred's liver dumpling soup; thank God a timely divorce removed him from the list after three terrible meals. But you need to learn that the food is secondary; I'll remember the laughs and fun a lot longer than some badly conceived gourmet treats."

Now, I want to know what you think. Should she let her sister bring an experimental dish everyone is likely to hate or try to stop her from bringing it all together?