This Woman Refused To Sleep In Her Boyfriend's "Dirty" Bed And Bailed On A Morning Outing With His Family — Now She Wants To Know If She's In The Wrong

Everyone knows there are a number of things that can make or break a relationship. Money? Of course. Communication? Sure thing. But what about hygiene?

Well, Reddit user Upper-Term-7185 recently posted about exactly that in the Am I The Asshole subreddit where she wondered if she was the A-hole for refusing to sleep over at her boyfriend's house because of his dirty bed. Here's the full story:

"Last night, I (41F) had planned to stay the night at my boyfriend’s place (39), who lives about an hour away from me. We went out to watch a band play, had a good time, and grabbed some food on the way back. My BF knows that I’m particular about the bed, and I almost always change his bedsheets when I come over because he rarely changes them."

"Well, last night, when I was going to change the bed, he wouldn’t let me. He had a dirty, ripped-up fitted sheet that wasn’t even stretched over the entire mattress, leaving half of it bare. And the side that was covered was full of big holes, revealing the dirty mattress underneath. I told him there was no way I was sleeping in a bed like that and asked him to let me fix it. It would have taken me three minutes, and he didn’t have to do anything. He said the bed was fine, turned out the lights, and hopped in."

"I continued to beg him to let me put fresh sheets on and threatened to drive home, but he said I was being ridiculous. I asked if I could get a blanket to lie on the couch, and he threw a dirty, stained mattress cover at me and said, 'Use this.' So I left and drove all the way home at 2 a.m. We had planned to go to his family’s the next morning, but I told him as I was leaving that I wasn’t driving all the way back. The next morning, he was calling me asking why I wasn’t at his family’s as planned. I told him I wasn’t driving all the way back after having to drive home last night. He said I was rude for not going to his family’s and is now mad at me."

Well! As you might imagine, there were tons of answers for this one, with most people agreeing that OP (original poster) is not the A-hole.

User Candid-Sense-7523 wrote, "Any boyfriend/girlfriend who cares about their partner’s comfort would make a decent effort to provide them with a clean bed to sleep on. That this man expects you to sleep on a dirty mattress, with sheets that are dirty and torn, speaks quite plainly as to the level of effort he is willing to go to for you to be comfortable. Add to that, he is actively preventing you from making yourself comfortable even though it would cost him nothing more than a few minutes and absolutely no effort from him. Think about that. NTA."

SarahLucyLahey called OP's boyfriend a degenerate: "What kind of degenerate does that? Even in my most stoner, druggy, party, blacked-out era, I’d never make my friend sleep on a used mattress with no clean sheet, throw a dirty blanket on them, or make them feel so disrespected in my own home that they’d drive off at 2 a.m."

Many comments encouraged OP to dump her BF. Confident-Ladder425 wrote, "He’s 39 and living like this? Run." CarrottBacon said, "I'm just wondering why you're with this guy? He's apparently nasty. Wanting a decently clean bed is not 'being particular' — it's called being a functional adult. His lack of hygiene and overall nastiness obviously bothers you. This is how he is, he's NOT changing, and the fact that he wouldn't even 'let' you change his sheets for him is just... something else."

Strange_Lady was super grossed out and wrote, "Eeewwww, lady. You are too old to be entertaining this level of nonsense (coming from a fellow 40-year-old lady). This is something teenage and college-age kids do, and even that is not the norm. A 39-year-old man acting like that is just yuckkkk. Heed the very obvious red flag this man is quite literally throwing at you and dump his nasty ass."

As for the people who voted YTA? Well, they did so because they felt like OP was being an A-hole to herself, LOL.

Kaltics wrote, "YTA to yourself. Seriously, dating a guy who at 39 still can't figure out how to change the sheets and doesn't care about it, knowing it matters to you?" Imaswellfella added, "You’re the A-hole if you stay with the pig. Possibly understandable if he was in college. He’s a loser."

Now I'm curious how you would act in this situation:

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.