A woman has been defended for cancelling her best friend’s bachelorette party after she was kicked out of the wedding party.
In a recent post shared to the viral “Am I The A**hole?”, the woman, who goes by the username u/Firm_Tomatillo_6320, asked if she was in the wrong for cancelling the party after being “fired” as a bridesmaid. She first gave some context about the situation, noting that she’s a full-time student who has many student loans and only works a few hours “outside of school”. She also claimed that she’s spent around “$1,000 on [her] best friend’s wedding so far,” which included getting a bridesmaid dress and gift for the bridal shower.
She went on to describe some of the work she did to plan the bachelorette party, which was supposed to be a secret. She also noted that she agreed to plan the event because the maid-of-honour is pregnant and going through a difficult time.
“I planned it perfectly and had it as a surprise. I messaged the other girls the plan. When they all agreed I went ahead and booked my idea,” she wrote about the party. “I spent (this is on top of the $1,000 I spent earlier) $400 on a limo to go bar hopping (the bride loves bar hopping) and I booked us a $700 AirBnB to crash in afterwards. As of right now the other bridesmaids did not chip in, this was out of pocket, but they said they would pay me back later.”
The woman revealed that a month after that planning, she and two other bridesmaids got kicked out of “the bridal party group chat”. According to the Reddit user, the three women received a “long paragraph” from the bride saying they were no longer invited to be in the wedding party because they “weren’t honouring her wishes”. She said that when they asked what they did wrong, the bride didn’t answer.
However, she noted that two days later, the three women were re-added to the group chat and wedding party, with the bride apologising and “saying she’s just stressed”. Although the group “talked and made up,” she said a similar incident happened again.
“Same thing happened, except this time I’m the only one removed with a paragraph going off on me, telling me I’m not respecting her or her wishes, that she wishes she never invited me or asked me to be a bridesmaid,” she explained. “When asked what happened or what I did wrong, again, radio silence.”
She added that her friend later reached out to apologise “for lashing out”. She also said that her friend wanted her at the wedding, but “not as a bridesmaid as it would make [the bride] ‘uncomfortable’”. However, the Reddit user did not accept the offer, which led to an argument.
“I told her I respectfully declined, as I couldn’t afford another dress since I’ve already spent too much on this wedding,” she wrote.” [I also said] that I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable on her big day. She then lashes out telling me I should just take more from my student loans to buy a second dress.”
From there, she said she “cancelled the Airbnb and the limo”, as the bridesmaids agreed that was “fair” after hearing what happened. However, the bride eventually found out about the surprise bachelorette party and wasn’t pleased about it being cancelled.
“One of [the bridesmaids] must have told the bride about the secret bachelorette party, as she messaged me telling me I’m an a**hole and I’ve ruined her entire wedding,” she continued. “[She also expressed that she] now doesn’t have time to book a new bachelorette party in time, and she nor any of the other bridesmaids have the money or savings to book anything.”
The Reddit user specified that she got her money back for the bachelorette party, limo, and flight, so she was only losing about $450 on wedding expenses, which were for the bridal shower gift and her dress.
In the comments, the woman clarified that when she was kicked out of the bridal party the second time, the bride said “she’d be uncomfortable due to the fact [they] had a fight”. However, according to the Reddit user, the bride never told her she “wasn’t respecting her wishes” until she was kicked out of the wedding party the first time.
The Reddit post has gone viral, with more than 8,800 upvotes. In the comments, many people defended the woman for cancelling the party, and criticised the bride for not being considerate of her friend’s finances.
“Any ‘best’ friend’ who is okay with you spending that much money on HER wedding and not even checking in with you if you can handle the expense of all the bookings, especially you were asked to plan the bachelorette party when you are a student with student loan, is NOT your best friend and shouldn’t be your friend at all from this point forward,” one wrote.
“You absolutely did the right thing! I was involved in a wedding party where a girl was singled out by the bride and the girl just continued. She was even going through her own breakup during the time. It was awful. And it made for a very uncomfortable experience,” another wrote.
“You were literally spending thousands of dollars for someone else’s wedding then on top of that wanted to fork out more money off of you even though it’ll put you in debt,” a third added. “Good thing she showed herself early before you spent more for her than what she deserved and just got a (hopefully) cute dress out of it.”
The Independent has contacted u/Firm_Tomatillo_6320 for comment.