Yahoo Lifestyle This Woman Asked How To Split The Hospital Bill For Her Baby's Birth With Her Husband, And The Internet Is NOT Having It
Recently, a post from the BabyBumps subreddit went viral after a woman asked how she should approach her husband about contributing to the hospital bill for the birth of their baby.
In a now-deleted post, she asked, "My baby was born over a month ago, and now the hospital bills have started coming up. I had planned for this already and maxed out my HSA account. I am wondering, though, if I should expect my husband to contribute to the bill, too, given that this is our baby. He hasn't brought it up, and I haven't been able to figure out how to ask without making it an awkward conversation. How did all of you manage the expenses?"
She later added, "Wow! I think a lot of flak for my husband is unnecessary. Firstly, I haven't had a conversation with him, and this is all in my head at the moment. The bills came two days ago. Also, I prefer to keep finances separate. That has been my decision, and my husband has been supportive.
I respect people who have 100% joint expenses, but that isn't for me. So far, we have a joint account, and we manage household expenses through it. I am just generally bad at having financial discussions in an objective way. While initially, I thought using tax-free dollars was a better way of doing things, I was second-guessing my decision.
This question was specifically for the cost of delivery and hospital expenses. While I have contributed to my HSA, I know I should probably have a conversation with my husband about hospital bill payments. Thanks to some of the moms who have shared great ways of kicking off the conversation. Again, it is me who has this whole 'I got it, I'll take care of it' streak, which is why I find financial conversations uncomfortable even though they are very important. Hope the context helps."
Many commenters were confused by the separation of finances.
"You need to ask your husband to help pay the hospital bill for the birth of his child? What's the point of even being married then? Sounds more like roommates."
"We didn’t split it. We’re a married team and have shared finances long before we had a child. Just worked it into the budget. If you can’t discuss this, how are you going to discuss who is paying for literally everything else? The baby bills don’t stop here."
"I, like the others, was shocked to read this, but I took a minute before answering so I didn’t come off snarky. This is a family expense, not a 'mine' or 'yours' expense. I get that not everyone puts their finances together like the rest of us who are shocked by this, and that’s okay, too."
"You guys should consider a monthly 'family/household' budget/bank account that covers all things kids and family life so you don’t have to have conversations about things. You just pay the bills from that account. Once kids get here, 'mine' and 'yours' really go out the window in many ways.
But the most important point I want to make is this is not on you to pay on your own. You guys made this child together, and now you’ll pay to give birth and raise this child together."
"Split? The hospital bill? With a husband?? I don't know what to say there, but I'm just glad this is not the life I'm living."
"I think separate works in VERY limited circumstances, and it generally involves a couple on very even playing fields income and asset wise, no medical issues, and no kids. Once you throw a wrench in ANY of those items, it becomes extremely difficult very quickly, and always unfair to the party with the 'difficulty' (illness, childbirth, job loss, etc)."
"I have a sibling doing separate, but this is their circumstances, equal income, no kids ever. I think it’s odd, but they like it, and they are very open with each other about their individual finances. They still work as a team for things like financing their new house (and therefore know exactly what each makes, debts/savings, expenses, etc). They also would 100% abandon the separate accounts if anything changed regarding employment/health; it’s just easy for them right now since they’re young and have already established that way.
The other thing — and OP admits this in her edit, is that it also ONLY works with very open and honest communication; separate accounts cannot be used to be secretive or hide things. I cannot imagine a long-term successful marriage where you can’t be open about finances, at least not one I’d want to be in."
"If we didn’t have joint finances, he’d pay for all of it. I did my part for nine months. Now, he can pay."
"I can't imagine having to deal with the stress of figuring out bill-splitting on top of childbirth and caring for a newborn. I never get why some people will get married and then lead separate financial lives. When you're married, you're a joint team. If you don't want to be joint, then don't get married. Nothing wrong with that."
"Not only should your husband absolutely contribute to the medical expenses of his child, but if you are not going to combine finances, the split you come up with should take into account your monetary and non-monetary contributions to the baby. It’s not actually 50/50 if you pay half the bills and then you also took, presumably, some form of a pay cut for your likely longer parental leave and general cut to your lifetime earnings through the baby penalty."
"All contributions to the household provide value to the household. We combined finances long ago, but regardless, I do not consider my husband and I to have unequal contributions even though I contribute primarily through income, and he contributes primarily through childcare and domestic labor. Combined finances make it much smoother, though, to be able to balance these contributions without awkwardness since it’s just our money, our childcare, our domestic labor obligations."
"For us, marriage money is commingled money. Going forward, you will continue to have these money issues if the money is separate. Who will pay for diapers and wipes this week? What about formula? Doctors expenses? This needs to be sorted out before it becomes an issue down the line."
Some commenters didn't find this unusual at all, saying they kept their finances separate, even if they had children.
"I paid for my son on my own because my husband's transmission blew up the day before he was born, meaning he had to buy a new car just days after he was born. I am now pregnant again, and I told him I would appreciate help on this one, especially now that we have a better guess of how much we will pay. Last time, the birthing center had my insurance info wrong and had estimated me to pay much less than what I actually ended up owing. So, now that we know we are going to owe a lot of money, we can plan more accordingly, and we are going to split the bill."
"Husband and I do not split bills, considering we are married and having a child. We each have personal accounts for our hobbies, but 90% of our income is deposited into a joint account. For the sake of your child, you should definitely figure out a healthier financial situation before they arrive, considering money is the leading cause of divorce."
"My husband has an HSA; I have a low deductible plan. So far, we’ve been paying everything out of his account (prenatal visits) and will use it for the hospital bills as well. Then he’ll take the amount out of our joint account to 'reimburse' himself."
"(We contribute to it 50/50, so it’s the same as if I gave him half. I know HSA is pre-tax, but we’re too lazy to do the math). I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your husband to contribute to your medical expenses."
"You’re getting a lot of flak, but every relationship is different. My husband and I do not share bank accounts. He is responsible for some bills, and I am for others. I make more, so I contribute a bit more. After that, our money is our own to do as we please. This is our third baby, and I’ve paid for the other two out of my FSA."
"This third birth will be more expensive than expected (planned C-section), so I do plan on having him contribute the difference between what I have in my FSA and what the bills total. We generally do not talk about finances, but it works really well for us personally."
"Wow, so much sass in this comment section! You are one month postpartum — please don't feel bad about asking how to approach this. Everyone here should know that you're in a delicate stage right now, sending you love and healing."
"Some partners might not know how to or even consider approaching this. My partner and I typically don't discuss who will take care of what. We just handle things. Sometimes together, sometimes individually, but all bills get paid on time. I enjoy that we don't have many discussions surrounding finances. I am an autopay type; he is not. We approach bills differently and have yet to discuss medical bills. It's not like Dad sees the bills; they are solely coming to Mom, and we are constantly reminded.
I am waiting until after birth to get itemized bills. I'll try to get some knocked off and then approach him with what is owed. I'm not sure what I expect him to help with yet, as he pays most of our rent and will probably take care of all bills for a portion of my leave. I know he will help with my medical bills if I ask, but I'm also not sure how I will go about this yet."
"I carry the insurance and have an HSA, and after our baby was born, I paid the bills, showed them to my husband, and said here's your half, pay me back. No big deal. We have split finances and one shared account, which we both contribute to. Works for us. Still married five years later.""
The post also went viral on Twitter, where users continued to discuss the issue. "i would drop that baby off at the fire station to punish him," said one user.
"If you can't talk to your husband about medical expenses for birthing his child, you should not have had kids together," said another.
And finally, one user said, "Wondering if your husband should contribute to the cost for the baby you made together that you alone pushed out of your vagina? EXCUSE ME, WHAT?"
Now, I really want to know what you think. Do you share finances with your spouse or partner? If so, do you also have children? And if you don't, how do you handle joint bills for yourselves and/or your kids? Let us know in the comments.
Comments have been edited for length and clarity.
