Why this Father's Day tradition could be harming kids and needs to stop

When I was growing up my dad was a Father’s Day grinch. He didn’t want any fuss and saw the whole thing as a Hallmark holiday designed to make money. My school didn’t bother with it, back then the shops didn’t go mad marketing it and so for us, every year, the day passed by entirely unnoticed and unmarked.

Fast forward thirty years and there’s no getting away from Father’s Day anymore. I was accosted by a Big W Father’s Day card stand back in July and now you can hardly move through a mall without feeling obliged to “celebrate Dad” with a novelty BBQ item or stubby holder.

It’s the same at my kid’s two schools. It’s become almost as big as Christmas with one running a 'Doughnuts for Dad’s' hour, the other traditionally serving bacon and egg rolls. There are gift stalls at both spruiking an unholy array of Temu-style pens, mugs and bottle openers and there will be time in class dedicated to making craft for dad.

Father’s Day has officially blown up and while I’m all for appreciating the amazing work our fabulous fathers do, I think it’s time to tone things down, particularly at school. Dr Kimberley O'Brien, Principal Child Psychologist at the Quirky Kid Clinic tells Yahoo Lifestyle that the goal at schools should be that "no child feels alone or different” and, given the statistics, I couldn't agree more.

Sad statistics reveal issue with Father's Day celebrations

In Australia around 1 in 6 children live without their biological father at home.

That’s a lot of kids for whom Father’s Day might be a sensitive time.

“Father’s Day used to be the hardest day for me,” said Ally, a teacher from NSW, in a TikTok video that’s attracted a lot of attention this week.

“My dad wasn’t in my life until I was an adult. Imagine being that kid in class feeling left out while everyone else makes Father's Day cards.”

The post was flooded with comments, with one reading: “I hated this for my son growing up, it made my blood boil".

“I wish schools would move away from Mother/Father/Grandparent days and maybe have a big 'Special People' Day,” said another.

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Preparation is key

Dr O'Brien explains to Yahoo Lifestyle that being prepared is crucial in ensuring that kids don't feel ostracised when it comes to Father's Day celebrations.

“With a bit of preparation that doesn’t have to be the case [around Father’s Day], but it’s good to have options for those children who aren’t emotionally prepared," Kimberley said.

"There should be multiple teachers so there’s a plan for the kids who don’t have positive relationships with their fathers.

"Perhaps they could be in a separate room or make something for mum or another male role model instead.”

But Kimberley also said if there’s trauma it’s always going to come up, whether it’s Father’s Day or at another, less obvious, time.

“It always finds ways to be triggered,” she said. “It can be better to have these opportunities to repair and understand it rather than not mentioning it. Then it can be dealt with at a younger age.”

Do dads even want school-style celebrations?

In fairness, if schools were to avoid all possible triggers to support every child’s individual needs they wouldn’t do anything.

I suppose the question becomes whether the benefit of celebrating Father’s Day at schools is worth the problems it could cause for those, like Ally, who can’t participate.

Do dads even want the school celebrations? And are there benefits for the children involved?

Honestly, from the dad’s point of view, I don’t think they’re that bothered. A straw pole I took last night, asking a bunch of fathers' opinions came back with the WhatsApp version of a grunt and shrug.

Many said they couldn’t make the breakfast celebrations because they had to be at work so early and none expressed a desire for a new pen or water bottle.

With so many families feeling the pinch, that $10 would probably be better used elsewhere, saving pockets and the environment.

It’s all about the personal touch

I think the one thing no dad could refuse is a handmade card or gift. But not a poem copied off the board or a bookmark (because that’s an easy craft for 25 kids to make). Something really personal.

And they also want time. Quality time with their kids that’s not a rush before school or that’s being shared with a heap of other dads.

Kimberley says this is where the kids really benefit too.

“There are real advantages to that one-on-one celebration for a father and child. It’s about celebrating a special relationship and memory-making,” she says.

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“But it’s not about buying stuff. It’s all about experiences and if they [Dads] enjoy it, then they bring more of themselves to the space.”

There's a time and a place to celebrate

It means I’m not advocating an end to Father’s Day. Or Mother’s Day for that matter.

I think for those who are lucky enough to have them it’s important to celebrate these significant figures in our lives.

But I also think there’s a time and a place to do it and I don’t think that’s at school.

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