After A Therapist Shared A Shocking Revelation About People-Pleasers And Narcissists, I'll Never Look At People-Pleasers The Same Way Ever Again

While the terms people-pleasing and narcissism have become more widely known as of late, they are not often thought about as having similar personality traits.

For instance, people-pleasers are often defined as individuals who may put their own needs aside to please others to avoid feeling abandoned, whereas narcissists are defined as people who have an inflated sense of self that they ignore the needs of others.

However, Matthias James Barker, LMHC, psychotherapist and the CEO and co-founder of the Trauma Institute, says these two psychological traits have more similar attributes than people may realize. His claim? That people-pleasers and narcissists both "perform" to soothe their insecurities.

He further explains in a video he posted on Instagram: "People-pleasing is 'I'll clean up, I'll cancel plans, I'll do whatever you want — just don't leave me! It's anxious underneath. And if I fail, I fall into panic."

As for narcissism, it isn't anxious like that, Matthias explained. It's shame-driven. "They believe if I'm not the best, if I'm not desirable, if I'm not perfect, then what am I? I'm a loser; I'm nothing. I need you to acknowledge how great I am, or I crumble inside."

He further explained that, in the event of failure, narcissists won't panic. Instead, they'll fall into a deep depression or rage towards themselves or toward themselves.

The thing is, both of these personality traits are dealing with insecurity, he said. "People-pleasing is 'I'm trying to fit myself into everyone else's expectations. Narcissism is 'I'm trying to fit everyone else into my expectations."

To dive a little bit deeper, according to PsychCentral, some examples of people-pleasing are:

• Conforming to harmful behaviors.

• Disregarding your self-interests for the sake of others.

• Attempting to maintain closeness by self-sacrificing.

• Telling others what they want to hear to avoid conflict.

• Having challenges with advocating for your own needs.

• Exhibiting a lack of personal boundaries.

• Apologizing excessively to others.

• Rarely expressing criticism and rarely disagreeing with others.

As for narcissism, this behavioral trait falls on a spectrum. While we technically all have elements of narcissism inside of us, some may have the mental health condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

According to MedicalNewsToday, people with NPD typically:

• Have a grandiose sense of self-importance.

• Feel they are special and expect special treatment.

• Deliberately manipulate or exploit others for personal gain.

• Develop tactics to conceal or justify their behavior.

• Lack empathy.

After Matthias posted the video, a lot of people praised his explanation.

But I'm curious: what do you think about this? Do you know someone who behaves like a people-pleaser or a narcissist, and does this sound right to you? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.