'I Struggled With Anxiety for Decades,' Mel Robbins Reveals—Here's What Made the Biggest Difference (Exclusive)

Struggling with anxiety seems to be an almost-universal experience. From "worry burnout," chronic stress and people-pleasing to negative rumination and overthinking, many of us are well-familiar with this mental health concern.

And although it can feel impossible to "stop the spiral," Mel Robbins, an award-winning podcast host, NYT best-selling author and expert in mindset, behavior change and life improvement, wants individuals who struggle with anxiety to know that they have the power to start taking back their thoughts.

"Anxiety is just a moment in life where you feel a little uncertain about what's going to happen or what somebody's going to say, and in that moment, you actually doubt your capability to handle it," Robbins explains. "That's all that anxiety is."

Telling Parade that she used to be a "tightly-wound" person, Robbins spent years battling anxiety—and she's learned that this type of unease or concern is not necessarily a bad thing.

"The reason why your anxiety gets worse and worse and worse—because I struggled with anxiety for decades—is in those moments of uncertainty," she continues. "'How is this presentation gonna go?' or 'How is this hard conversation going to go?' or 'How is this day going to go?'—that kind of that stress that you feel is normal. It's actually a sign that you're functioning in a mentally healthy way."

But that doesn't mean you have to live in that stress.

Robbins tells Parade the one thing that made the biggest difference in lowering her anxiety—and how you can do it in your life as well.

Related: A Trauma-Informed Psychotherapist Is Begging People With Anxiety To Try This 3-Minute Coping Strategy

How To Help Lower Anxiety, According to Mel Robbins

According to Robbins, it's all about "letting them" and "letting me." Confused? It has to do with how you respond to an anxious thought or situation causing you stress.

"The issue is when you doubt your capability and your capacity to handle it, you immediately either try to control the other person or the situation, or you avoid it," she tells Parade. "And so when [you start] saying, 'Let them have a negative thought, let them be upset with me, let them be disappointed, let them not say yes to my business pitch,' you release control."

Once you accept that you cannot control the other person or the circumstance, it's about focusing on what you can control.

"And then every time you say, 'Let me,' what you're doing? You're actually reminding yourself that you're capable: 'Let me remind myself that I can think what I want about this,'" Robbins, the author of The Let Them Theory explains.

Related: 14 Habits of People Who Never (Or Rarely) Get Anxious, According to Therapists

"So that's a reframe in the world of anxiety," she continues. "Instead of saying, 'What if that happens?' I get to choose and I could say, 'What if it all works out?' And that simple distinction between how you think about something actually lowers anxiety."

Even if your "default" is to avoid, procrastinate or not do something because of anxiety, Robbins recommends a simple refrain:

"You literally say, 'Let me remind myself that I'm capable. So, I'm going to try,'" she tells Parade. "Every time you do that, you are now lowering your anxiety and proving through your action that you believe you're capable. And your anxiety will literally start to disappear."

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Source

• Mel Robbins, an award-winning podcast host, NYT best-selling author and expert in mindset, behavior change and life improvement