Are you having enough sex? While the right number of times to have sex per week or per month will vary by person or couple, if you feel like you’re not having enough sex it could be time to schedule in a session.
Scheduling sex is what one intimacy expert credits with “saving” her own relationship, and she says it can have “huge” benefits for sexual wellbeing, likening it to “scheduling therapy for mental health”.
“I genuinely don’t think my relationship would have survived if it weren’t for scheduling intimacy,” co-founder of Hormone Hub, Holly Robinson, says.
“We both work, we both have kids, we have devices coming out of our ears and it can be really disconnecting. We had to consciously choose to reconnect with each other. Obviously I’d much rather have spontaneous sex as and when the moment is right, but realistically that can be challenging.
“Why not just schedule an hour a day to be with each other completely? This doesn’t have to just be about sex - if I’m not in the mood for it, it could just be something as simple as a cuddle. Then, if it leads to sex, it leads to sex.
“I’d absolutely recommend making space for intimacy in our busy lives. It can save relationships.”
The 34-year-old recommends scheduling sex for different times of the day rather than only ever having sex just before bed.
“We’re all really busy - a lot of us have children and sex will often be the last thing we do with our partners at the end of the night, just before we go to sleep. It drops down the list of priorities,” she explains.
“Going from only having sex before bed to scheduling sex can cause some unnecessary pressure - which can then be a turn-off.
“But, if we start by holding space for intimacy - kisses, cuddles, massages - even some variations of mindful sex like tantra, it can have a huge impact on struggling relationships.”
While it may feel like other people are having sex all the time - the real number is probably less than you think. A recent survey from YouGov found that just 27% of Brits are having sex once a week, including those that have sex two (7%), three (4%) and four or more (5%) times per week.
A third (30%) of respondents said they hadn’t had sex in the past week, while 29% weren’t sexually active.
As well as scheduling sex, Robinson recommends setting aside time to speak to your partner about sex and intimacy too, as this can help to show your partner that they matter and allow you to “make yourself heard”.
“During this time, you can talk about what you need from your intimacy and sex - maybe it’s more foreplay, or less focus on penetration,” she adds.
“You can also ask questions such as - ‘how can I make you feel nice?’”
For those who would like to explore the idea of scheduling sex, Robinson recommends making time for more kissing, cuddling, intimate conversation, and massages too so the emphasis isn’t only on sex.
She also recommends being open-minded about scheduling sex, as “fine-tuning” your sex life can be “as important” as therapy is for our mental health.
Additional reporting by SWNS.
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