Yahoo Lifestyle 5 Ways to Light Up Your Libido
Don't feel like sex tonight? Your libido is often the first casualty when you haven't had a solid sleep in weeks, the house needs a good clean and your kids are crying for attention.
Time to find the ignition. Overcome five common causes of low sexual energy and get ready to fire up your sex drive with advice from Dr Rosie King, author of Where Did My Libido Go? Practical Advice for Women With Low Desire ($34.95; Random House, available 1 June).
Problem: You're exhausted
You're not going to feel like having sex when you can hardly peel yourself off the sofa. "Let's face it, a tired woman is not a sexy woman," says King.
Try this: Take a short nap during the day or learn to meditate—meditation can help you relax and recharge in just a few minutes. If you're chronically tired, get your GP to rule out depression or other problems such as diabetes, anaemia, sleep apnoea or thyroid disease.
Problem: You're stressed
"If you're doing too much, prioritise your activities. Learn to delegate so you reduce your commitments," says King. "Rest and relaxation are important to your general health and vital to your libido."
Try this: Listen to a relaxation tape for 20 minutes every day. And when was the last time you had a real holiday? If it's been a while, schedule a break soon. What about recreation? Do you find time for leisure and fun? If not, try to find a balance between work and play.
Problem: You're time-poor
"If you have a busy life and you can't wait until you feel well-rested to have sex ... You and your partner might be waiting a long, long time," says King.
Try this: If it's been a while since you last had sex, make room in your schedule for lovemaking. If the day ahead isn't looking too hectic, plan to have sex that night. Turn off the TV, have a bath or shower before bed to relax you, and go to bed a little earlier than usual. And wear something sexy, you might even decide to surprise your partner and seduce him.
Problem: You're too busy with your kids
"The reality for women with young families is that unless a team of paid staff is available—a nanny, a cook, a chauffeur, a gardener, a housekeeper and someone to do the washing and ironing—there’s no avoiding the demands of the domestic treadmill," says King.
Try this: Most couples find that once children arrive, sex goes on the backburner for a number of years. By understanding and anticipating such change and the way it can impact their sex life, couples can approach it constructively rather than react negatively—a reaction that may damage their relationship.
Problem: Your sex drive is lower than your partner's
"A mismatch in sex drives is by no means a sexual dysfunction," says King. "In fact, out-of-sync libidos are inevitable in most long-term relationships."
Try this: To overcome a discrepancy in desire, both partners need to change their attitude and behaviour and work together to reach a sexual compromise. "Women with low desire cannot wait until they are overcome by lust before having sex—otherwise sex might never happen," adds King.
Instead of waiting to have 'desire-driven sex', women with low libidos can try engaging in 'decision-driven sex'. This is when a woman decides to initiate sex for the good of her relationship, herself and her partner, which doesn't necessarily mean having full intercourse.
Explore a range of sexual experiences that don't demand too much from you. "This could include stimulating your partner manually, orally or with a vibrator; or cuddling him while he stimulates himself," King advises.
