Expert Q&A: Sleep Battles, Road safety and Behaviour

Sleep battle

Q
My two-year-old son fights me every step of the way at night to go to bed. I have tried no eye contact
or speaking, I’ve read all the sleep help books to no avail. He shares a room with our 10-month-old daughter so we put him to sleep in our bed first so his tantrums don’t disturb her, then move him over. Every morning at 2am he is back again. I’m expecting a third child and am exhausted, get no time to myself and am never alone with my partner.
Dee, Geraldton WA

A
I can only imagine how exhausted you are. To start, it might be worth putting your daughter to sleep somewhere else for a few days so your son can fall asleep in his own bed. I know it’s not easy but try being positive around bedtime, being gentle but firm. Keep bedtime consistent: decide on a routine and try to keep to it (bath, drink, clean teeth and quiet time with a story). He may still need a short day sleep for a while so he doesn’t get overtired. Say “It’s time for bed now,” as you put him to bed initially and repeat it every time you take him back to his own bed. Try sitting on the bed until he goes to sleep and gradually move to a chair next to the bed, then move out of the room over the next week or so. Tell him you can only stay if he goes to sleep and leave the room briefly if he doesn’t. A night light in his room might help. It’s important to take care of yourself, so try to enlist help from your partner or family if possible.

No fear!

Q
My toddler has just turned two and will run towards the road if he is not in a confined area or if we are not holding onto him. We have had a couple of close calls and I have nightmares about him being hit by a car. We can’t go to any unfenced parks or open areas and this limits possible outings. I’ve tried to teach him that roads are dangerous but the concept is not getting through.
Amy, Gold Coast QLD

A
Toddlers have no sense of danger and often give their parents and carers palpitations until they learn the necessary fear. Start by preparing your little boy at home: practise holding hands and crossing imaginary roads so he gets the idea. Keep your directions very simple and demonstrate what needs to happen using toys and dolls. When you do go out into the real world, reward him when he does as you’ve practised and listens to your instructions. If he’s still not responding you’ll need to attach physical reins to him, as it’s better to be sure about your toddler’s safety until he’s more mature and aware himself.

Bad influence

Q
My four-year-old son’s teachers say he is well-behaved at preschool but he’s learning some problem behaviours from another child and has been acting up at home. How can I help my son stop acting this way and how do I explain some children have behavioural and learning difficulties without arming him with too much sensitive information?
Kathleen, via email

A
I can understand your concerns but the best approach is to talk with your son about his behaviour at home and not mention anyone else. Children of this age typically copy inappropriate behaviour from many sources, so there’s no guarantee the boy you mention is the only influence. Help your toddler to understand why his actions are unacceptable and remind him of the behaviour you like. Reward him when he acts the way you want and be consistent with firm consequences for acting up.
Ian Wallace is a psychologist, a member of PP’s expert advisory board and a dad of two