Yahoo Lifestyle Answering Constant Questions From a Toddler
Why is the sky blue?” “Why are boys different to girls?” “Where do babies come from?” Parents of toddlers don’t need to be told that kids can be extremely inquisitive! But it may surprise you to learn that, between the ages of three and five, the average kid asks up to 100 questions a day.
The good news is that when your tot heads off to school, his teachers will become new fountains of knowledge and the number of queries he has for you is likely to reduce. And by late primary school, the number of questions will have dropped to between one and five a day. Funnily enough, by the time your child hits his teenage years, you probably won’t be cool enough to answer questions anymore!
Growing minds
Developmentally, toddlers are quite active in gathering knowledge and linking information, and it’s through the asking of questions that your tyke satisfies his natural curiosity and inquisitiveness and tries to make sense of his bewildering world. And research now suggests toddlers are more capable of understanding basic associations than previously thought, with girls’ understanding of basic associations developing atabout 30 months and boys gettinginto it around 34 to 36 months.
As a parent, though, constant querying can wear you out and leave you feeling frustrated. Toddlers are egocentric little characters who can only really understand their own needs. They haven’t yet developed social perception and are unable to read the body language that is telling them that Mum or Dad has had enough for the moment.
Beware the non-answer!
The need for relief for parents is often behind the common strategy of answering questions from kiddies with ‘non-answers’ such as, “The sky is blue because of magic”. However, this tactic is ineffective. In the journal Child Development, it was reported that toddlers are twice as likely to re-ask questions if they get half-hearted non-answers. This same study also showed that, when given genuine answers, toddlers slow down their questioning, think more and converse at a higher level.
Deflection strategies
The good news for parents is that you don’t need to feel honour bound to answer every question your tot throws at you each day – you won’t stunt his development if you ask for a little bit of quiet time. A good way to go about this is to deploy simple delaying tactics: “Mummy can’t answer questions right now, because the traffic’s bad and I need to concentrate on driving.”
This will, of course, most likely be met with another question (“But why is the traffic bad?”), but it’s quite okay for you to defuse the situation. “No more questions now – Mummy needs to drive safely, please.” You may need to be repetitive at this point, but be brief: “Mummy’s driving, no more questions for now.” And remember, don’t fall into the trap of answering questions along any new tangents!
It’s ok to admit you don’t know
When your toddler is in this highly inquisitive stage, you may worry that you need to know all of the answers, or at least be able to come up with something that sounds plausible, fast. But the fact is, it’s perfectly fine to admit that you don’t know. If you’re not sure if snakes can hear without ears or why oranges are orange, try answering with, “I’m not sure – why don’t we look it up together on the computer when we get home?” This will not only delay further questioning, but it will provide an opportunity for the two of you to learn together, fostering an interest in reading for information and interest in your child along the way.
Mr. Know-it-all
Lastly, it’s important to note that incessant questioning might not always be your toddler’s natural curiosity – it can also be a form of attention seeking. If you think this might be the case, it’s okay to redirect or postpone questioning. A simple tactic is to put the question back to your toddler: “That’s a great question. What do you think the answer might be?”
Similarly, hinting at answers can be a good way to stem the flow of questions. Endless questions can drive us all mad from time to time, but remembering that the questioning is linked to important life skills, such as creative thinking, language development and adaptive thinking, can make them more bearable! Try to give correct answers, but look after yourself as well when a little bit of peace and quiet is what you need.
Oh, and by the way, the sky is blue because the light from the sun bounces off all the particles in the air, which scatters it into its true rainbow of colours. Blue is the colour that gets scattered the most. Just in case it comes up some time.
When you just don’t have the answer:
1. Admit you don’t know the answer.
2. Agree to try to find the answer later.
3. Seek answers: “Maybe Daddy or Grandma knows?”
4. Distract by asking, “What do you think the answer might be?”
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