People Got Real About The Most Eye-Opening Things They Notice In Couples Who Don't Actually Stay Together

Some relationships just give that forever kind of vibe; whereas, others lead to a breakup...oftentimes for a reason.

Gina Rodriguez and LaKeith Stanfield in Someone Great
Sarah Shatz / Courtesy Netflix

Redditor u/ADTID recently asked "What screams 'we are not going to last long' for couples?" People shared all sorts of eye-opening responses, ranging from small, subtle signs to the glaring red flags most couples may not see in the heat of the moment. Here's what they had to say:

1."When you start calculating how much you give and receive in a relationship."

Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

2."When [they] both make the atmosphere so uncomfortable when you are in their house."


3."If the relationship started by one of them cheating on their previous partner and then leaving them to be with this new person. I've witnessed two of these IRL, and both of them ended with, surprise, more cheating. I don't know why you'd possibly think starting a relationship with someone who you already know isn't faithful would be a good idea."

Catherine O'Hara in Schitt's Creek

4."Breaking up every few minutes and then [getting] back together again."


5."Moving in together after two weeks. Saying I love you after two dates. Basically anything that happens way faster than it feels it should."

Jenna Fischer and Seann William Scott in The Promotion

6."Based on a study of relationship survivability: the number of negative events vs. positive events. You need five to one positive moments for a relationship to succeed."


7."When one person wants to 'fix' the other. If your relationship is a repair project, you didn't fall in love with who they are. You fell in love with what you want them to be."

Lola Tung and Christopher Briney in The Summer I Turned Pretty

8."When they argue over insignificant things like buying the wrong type of spaghetti sauce."


9."If one or both of the people are controlling over the other."

Gina Rodriguez and LaKeith Stanfield in Someone Great

10."The way they speak to each other when they're not alone. I noticed this after my divorce and I started dating again, because you speak to these new people with a lot of respect and kindness. Then, we'd get around married couples, and they'd say awful things to each other in nasty, snappy tones, and it was jarring. Fast-forward 10 years and all those couples I noticed doing that are divorced now."


11."Having a kid to 'fix' their relationship."

Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver with a little boy in Marriage Story

12."Walking on eggshells around your partner in terms of what you can and can't say. If you feel you can't disagree with your partner and/or voice your opinion without it turning into an argument."


13."Settling because you feel like you're running out of time."

Anne Hathaway in Bride Wars

14."Insecurity. It manifests in different ways, but it seems to be a common denominator in the breakdown of most relationships."


15."One person always putting the other before themselves. Boundaries are not being set, and resentment is slowly building, until it explodes into contempt for the other person."

Reese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey in Sweet Home Alabama

16."If your conflict resolution method is either screaming, insults, or completely shutting down."


17."Talking down to [your] partner in front of other people. Any time I've seen someone do this, the relationship has folded."

Vince Vaughn and Malin Åkerman in Couples Retreat

18."One wants kids, the other doesn't."


19."When they don't know how to fight! Not fighting in a healthy way or being able to talk about your problems will kill any relationship no matter how much you like them."

Jennifer Connelly and Bradley Cooper in He's Just Not That Into You

20."Relationships where you cannot be friends with the opposite sex. It's just a downward spiral. First, you cannot have friends of the opposite sex, and then, it's random people at the grocery store. It never stops with just friends."


21."Opening up the relationship after years of monogamy. I've seen poly relationships work when they're poly from the beginning, but from what I've seen amongst my circle, a sudden switch to an open relationship after a decade together is a sign that it's about to implode."

Ramona Young in Never Have I Ever

22."The same way I know when employees are not going to last long. They don't look actually interested. If you look like you're about to quit, you probably are. Same thing goes with relationships."


What are some other signs a couple is bound for a breakup? Share them in the comments!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.