I Need Help Picking My Jaw Up From The Floor After Reading These 19 Gut-Wrenching Anonymous Confessions

Note: This post contains mentions of sexual abuse.

Recently, BuzzFeed Community members shared the major secrets they won't be telling their family members anytime soon, and they range from devastating to salacious. Here are some of the confessions that might need you to pick your jaw off the floor:

1."My husband thinks our daughter is his, but she's biologically not. My former boss is. My husband is an amazing father and has an incredible relationship with her. I can never, ever tell him or my daughter the truth, and I resent myself for it."

—Anonymous, Colorado

2."I genuinely cannot tell my family I'm vaccinated. Otherwise, they will cut me off. My family drank the MAGA Kool-Aid and, unfortunately, are my only support system. Once I'm done with college and get a job, I'm out."

—Anonymous

3."I got catfished and scammed out of $8,000. I was lonely, desperate, and insecure, and I thought the woman I was talking to online was truthful and genuine. I still haven't financially recovered, and I'll never ask my family for help because it's so embarrassing."

—Anonymous

4."I'm a 30-year-old straight, married woman. In high school, I became a pretty prolific fanfic writer for a male-male ship from my favorite show at the time. I was fairly well-known within the fandom, and some of my stories included VERY graphic gay sex scenes. In retrospect, I wonder if this was my way of rebelling against the conservative, religious culture I was raised in. I'm now working on what I hope will be my first novel, and while it couldn't be further from my previous material, I've found myself thinking back to that time in my life more recently. While I haven't told many people about the project, they almost always ask if I've always been a writer, and I can't even imagine explaining what my previous fiction-writing endeavors consisted of."

"I am an ally of the LGBTQ+ community and am not ashamed of having written so much around a same-sex relationship, but...the sex, I wrote SO much sex in SO much detail. It couldn't be me now, and I'm taking my past life as an author to my grave."

—Anonymous

5."I'm bisexual. I tried coming out to my sister once, but the moment passed. Now that I'm married with two kids and happy in a relationship, I don't think it really matters anymore. I know my siblings and husband would be supportive (and maybe they already know), but at this point in my life, I don't think there would be any point in sharing who I really am."

—Anonymous

6."During most of my 20s, I made my money as a sex worker. I wasn't qualified for much else, and the money was tax-free."

—Anonymous, 61, Canada

7."I've been married to my husband for 14 years and have a beautiful daughter together. My husband is the kindest, most generous man. He loves me, and I love him so much. However, I've recently developed feelings for a younger man. I can't stop thinking about him and trying to justify spending time with him. He makes me feel so happy. I wish I could tell my husband about it and tell him how happy this other man makes me, but he would never forgive or trust me again. So I just keep it all bottled up."

—Anonymous

8."When I was 19, I began having sex with my 18-year-old first cousin. It started innocently enough, but we slowly began a fully intimate relationship. That was 10 years ago. Now, we are roommates. We date other people, but we're exclusively sexual with each other. Our families believe we are close friends and are pleased we get along so well and help each other out financially. My cousin told me he loved me from the beginning, and I feel the same about him. Eventually, I will tell our families that I'm gay, but it'll be a long time until we share our relationship with them."

—Anonymous

9."I've been married to my wife since 2011 and hate her. I'm only with her because I'm afraid to be alone."

—Anonymous

10."The cake I made my racist grandpa for his birthday smelled a little like crap for a reason. I will say no more."

—Anonymous

11."I had a years-long affair with a coworker. I was single, and he was married. His wife knew he was having affairs but didn't care because she was done with the marriage. My coworker and I did some very sordid and kinky stuff together; our chemistry was enigmatic. We only really got together when traveling for work with our other employees, and no one figured us out. I ended it when I got involved with my now-husband. My coworker ended up getting fired a year or so later when he got caught having an affair with another coworker, who was also let go. I've never told anyone about him and me. I still think about him, and sometimes, we reach out and check up on each other. I wonder what might've happened had the circumstances been different."

—Anonymous

12."My grandmother was 96 and wanted to die. She'd lost all bodily control and was in constant pain. Her mind was still sharp, but she'd become numbed by the pain she was in. She begged my mother to help her end her life, but we live in a 'no right to die' state. My mother told me what was going to happen. Grandma willfully overdosed on her medications. My mom stayed with her the whole time; she said it was awful. She left the house and returned the next morning to 'check on Grandma.' It obviously wasn't a surprise, but Mom had to call 911. I can never tell my siblings."

—Anonymous

13."I come from a very conservative, white, Christian background: no dating until you're 16, no sex before marriage, and God forbid you have a baby out of wedlock. I was on my third IUD (I was taking birth control for 'acne'), and in January, I had a one-night stand and ended up getting pregnant. It was ectopic and PAINFUL. In the span of nine months, I got a nasty infection and had cysts all over my ovaries. I ended up having to have surgery to remove them and had my tubes removed. I've never wanted kids, but I can't bring myself to tell my parents that they can never be grandparents."

—Anonymous

14."When I was 7, my cousin molested me during the two years he was living with us. I got the help I needed, but it changed my perspective on love, relationships, and having children. I have no desire to have kids, and though my parents have accepted that, they are heartbroken. My cousin is the son of my mother's sister, and my mom already has tenuous relationships with her sisters, so her knowing this would destroy her. My parents are immigrants and did everything they could to come to the US and build a wonderful life here, so they would be devasted if they knew I went through this. Keeping their peace and the peace in the family is the most important thing at this point."

—Anonymous

15."My dear, sweet husband thinks my body count is six, including him. That number is closer to 40. He doesn't know I've had a lesbian encounter with my friend after a wild night of drinking, and he believes I've never had unprotected sex before. Little did he know that having constant unprotected sex in my younger days was what led to me having infertility issues years later. This feels good to get off my chest because I could NEVER tell my husband."

—Anonymous, 39

16."I am no longer sexually attracted to my wife of 22 years, and we haven't had sex in 15 years. For the last 25 years, I've been seeing sex workers. We have rental properties, and some of the tenants pay cash, so I squirrel away a bit every month until I have enough to see a sex worker. I love my wife dearly and would do anything for her and our kids, but I feel selfish if I were to try initiating sex since she works odd hours and is always physically and mentally tired from work. I've tried watching adult films and taking care of things by myself, but sometimes, I just need physical interaction with another human. I am afraid to calculate how many times I've seen sex workers and even more scared to see how much I spent."

—Anonymous

17."When I was younger, I had drunken sex with a girl at a house party. We didn't speak after that night, but I found out a year later that she had gotten pregnant and I was the father. I found out where she lived and visited, but she told me she didn't want me part of her baby's life. Several years later, I got married to a wonderful woman, but I can never forget that I have a child. I haven't told anyone because I'm ashamed I was never able to help with my son's upbringing, and now I have no idea where he is or if he's even alive."

—Anonymous, 68

18."My mother had developed a very good friendship with a younger woman, and I also got along with her. One afternoon, the younger woman and I went bike riding, then went back to my place afterward. Suddenly, it was on between us. We had an afternoon that I will always remember. I can never tell my family about this because it will have a devastating impact on my mother, my relationship with my mother, and the younger woman."

—Anonymous

19.Lastly: "That I have a child. I know it's weird to keep this secret from your family because it's important, but I had to. If they found out I had a child at 19, they would kill me. Only my siblings know. Five years later, every time my parents come over, I tell my husband to hide our daughter in the room. I feel ashamed, but I can't bring myself to confess."

—Anonymous

Uh, wow. Some of these were so intense that I need to lie down. If you're keeping a secret from your family members and would like to relieve some of the weight off your chest, share with us your secret in the comments, or you can anonymously confess using this form.

Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.

If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453(4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.