Yahoo Lifestyle People Are Sharing The Devastating Moment They Suddenly Realized They Married The Wrong Person
Usually, before a marriage ends, a gradual decline has been happening for maybe months or years. However, sometimes, there are moments in a marriage that flip a switch for a person to help them realize they didn't actually marry the right person. People in this Reddit thread are sharing those exact moments, and many of them are sad but honest. Here is what people shared:
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."I got married and went on a honeymoon in China. We were both PhD students at the time. I was from the working class, and her family was middle class. Her father gave her $10,000 for the honeymoon. So we went to China to celebrate, and she wanted to do some light pre-dissertation research while there for a month or two. It turns out I spent the entire two months alone in tiny hostels while she did research. I only spoke a few words of Mandarin, and I was a broke graduate student, so I couldn’t really afford to/didn’t have the means to easily get to an airport to fly back home (I also had 0 family support back home, even if I did manage to make it home)."
"I felt trapped. I talked to her about how the trip felt like a research trip, not at all like a honeymoon, and how I was alone almost every day. We were sharing a laptop while on the trip (I was too poor to own a laptop despite being in grad school). I opened the laptop one morning before she left to go survey a field site without me. Her email was open. She left a message open on the laptop. It’s to her father, stating she wishes I wasn’t there on the trip — our honeymoon. Again, I was told this would be a honeymoon w/ maybe a slight detour for research. It turned out to be a research trip where I was a burden. She apologized. We stayed together for a few more years after she got sick and I became a caretaker. I wish, in hindsight, I had left China after reading that email."
2."On the wedding day. She spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one fitting the bill on the credit card she ran up. So I told her no more; she said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars), and I told her it was unnecessary. She fought me on it but finally agreed. I’m standing with my groomsman on the wedding day, and the ice cream truck comes. I knew right then, sadly."
3."One day I realized I had become a smaller version of myself."
4."It was actually almost immediately after getting married. Our relationship had taken a nose dive as soon as we moved in together. But after we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, he absolutely lost his mind on me in public. I wanted to go see a beach on the island that was supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came. He screamed at me, telling me he hated traveling with me and how I could ruin his vacation like this. Then we walked to the beach nearby, and he went swimming with his two friends, who insisted we come with him on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry."
5."We were in the bathroom getting showered and dressed for a friend’s wedding. I was in the best shape of my life then, feeling good about myself, and I thought I looked good in that suit. She was finishing her makeup, and I remarked on her beauty. I waited for her to say something nice in reply, but she didn’t. And it just hit me. I couldn’t remember when she complimented me on my appearance."
"So I said that to her. I said, 'You know, I always tell you how beautiful you are, and how attracted to you I am, but I never recall you ever saying that I look good or that I look handsome.' She stopped applying her mascara long enough to dismissively roll her eyes at me. So I mistakenly asked her, 'Do you even find me attractive?' And she flatly said, 'No.' I asked, 'Why did you marry me then?' And she said, 'I didn’t think it was important at the time.' I never felt so ugly and unloved. And it hurt even more when I felt so good about myself for once in my life 30 seconds earlier."
6."I came home from a long work day to find burn marks all over the carpet and linoleum. My then-husband had spent the entire day playing games on his PC. While doing so, he had been ignoring our puppy, who had somehow gotten ahold of a phone battery, bit through it, and caused a small fire. Thankfully, the dog wasn't injured. On top of finding out shortly before that he had been lying about going to community college for almost a year, this event was the turning point where my feelings died."
7."On my wedding day. We were married at her parents' house, a beautiful place in a private country club. The entire day was all about her, and she spent more time hanging out with her friend and getting drunk than with me. I stayed busy visiting with all the guests during the day. After all the guests left and it was down to her parents and me, I found her passed out drunk upstairs in a bedroom. I picked her up and carried her to our car to take her home. Needless to say, our wedding night consisted of her sleeping it off. Five years later, she went into inpatient treatment, and after she sobered up and was released, she told me that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce."
8."The moment I had to 'adjust' my boundaries, I knew I was with the wrong guy. The worst happened last year when, after being together for 11 years, he chose to cheat on my niece, who just turned 18 (I’m 30, btw). It’s not the first time he cheated too. It just kept getting worse from there. With all the gaslighting and psychological trauma and abuse, I’d never wish that to anyone, not even his mistresses. I wish our country had a divorce (we’re in PH). We’re still together."
9."When I found out he was cheating. Not only was he cheating, but he used the same exact lines on his AP that he did when we were in the 'talking phase.' After I discovered his affair and confronted him, he was adamant that he was not going to stop seeing or talking to her. I've never seen him so physically angry in our entire relationship. That was enough for me to get my things and go. Turns out he was a really good liar. One of those cunning fox types that lies about small little things to make the bigger lies not seem like a lie."
10."He threw a surprise birthday for me, and towards the end, I was inside near the food table, and everyone had already gone outside. I affectionately called him over as he passed by to have a moment. He rolled his eyes and said he was hanging out with so and so. Anyone, even a stranger on the road, was always more important. He just did not give a fuck about me. He only did things for how he would appear to others."
11."When he didn’t mention me in his speech at our wedding. He thanked everyone else, commented on the bridesmaids, and talked about our daughters. I may as well not have even been there. On the first night of our honeymoon, I got horrendously sick, and he left me alone in our room to go watch something on the big screen on the beach. So much for sickness and health!"
12."We had been engaged for just over a year (together for around a decade), and I realized I didn’t actually want to be with her; I just was too invested and didn’t want to upset her. I knew we would get divorced at some point down the road, so I decided to end it before then. Went to therapy and realized I had spent my whole childhood trying to make my parents happy. Then, I immediately got into a relationship and spent all of my adulthood trying to make her happy. I was miserable because of it, but I just didn’t know."
13."About a year and a half into our marriage, she got an internship with Disney and had to move to the other side of the county for seven months. Six months into the internship, she told me she had met someone else. She continued to string me along for another six months, saying she didn't want to get a divorce, but she's just been really confused. It turns out she just wanted to keep using me to pay all the bills while she finished her degree."
"Once she was a month away from finishing school, she admitted that she never really wanted a relationship with me. She only started dating me to make her ex jealous, had been cheating on me for about ninety percent of our ten-year-long relationship, and only stuck around because her ex didn't want to get back together, and she didn't want to take care of herself. She told me she knew the most recent guy she was cheating with was 'the love of her life' after three weeks. They had a kid together less than a year after we got divorced and split up within two years."
14."About two years after marrying. I was 29. We had been together for 8 years in total. Arguing constantly and I’d never considered or really paused for a second to consider if we were actually right for each other. I’d never been great with girls, but we clicked, and we went from dating to moving in to engaged in about 3/4 years. Then you get swept along wedding planning and when you pause for thought you realise it was wrong, but you were on an escalator that kept going from checkpoint to checkpoint so fast, you didn’t pause to think is this what I want? Laying in bed one night, she was ill, and I’m such a soft and considerate person (to my detriment), but I glanced at her asleep, and the thought 'I don’t love you' popped into my head from nowhere. Terrifying and also embarrassing when you’ve had a 150+ strong wedding two summers ago. No idea why it did, but one of the most overwhelming emotions was embarrassment at how I’d let it get to that point."
15."We overheard some younger girls in their 20s laughing and having a good time nearby. I thought to myself, 'That’s a great laugh, sounds like they’re having fun,' and enjoyed some vicarious happiness. My wife heard the same laugh, looked over at me, rolled her eyes, and went, 'God, I could just SLAP her.'"
Do you have a story to share? If so, share it with me in the comments below!
