People Are Revealing Their Husbands' Biggest Secrets They Learned While Married To Them, And Holy Crap

Relationships are built on trust and honesty, but what happens when you find out your partner has been hiding something from you all along?

Tasha Smith in a purple dress looking at aphone while Michael Jai White sits on a couch while wearing a suit in "Why Did I Get Married Too?"
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We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share a secret they found out about their husbands after they were already married. Here are some of the most memorable stories they had to share:

1."I learned even though he was a corporate accountant for a huge and well-known computer company, he had zero financial personal responsibility. Because I trusted him, he handled the finances. He left me penniless eight years later. I sold my wedding ring for groceries. Now, almost 10 years later, I am still struggling, but my credit score has gone up 200 points. He made six figures, but we were always broke according to him, and I am free of his financial abuse!"

Jill Scott and Richard T. Jones sitting on bed while in pajamas with both having concerned looks on their faces in a scene from "Why Did I Get Married?"
© Lionsgate / Courtesy Everett Collection

2."He told me four years into our marriage that he'd slept with men before. I wasn't mad about him sleeping with men. I was upset that he didn't tell me before we were married. He told my cousins and a good friend but not me. And he only told me because my cousin gave him a deadline or she would. We're divorced now for a different reason, but I wish he'd have told me sooner."

—Sadie, Wisconsin

3."He hadn't graduated high school. While we dated, he mentioned the name of the alternative high school he attended. I wasn't familiar with it, but I knew it started with an A. In his room, there was a diploma on his dresser with his name on it from a facility that started with an A. Long story short: The 'diploma' was a postcard encouraging him to finish his education. Not only did he never graduate, he didn't even have his GED."

Graduates in gowns toss caps into the sky in celebration against a clear blue backdrop
Chuck Savage / Getty Images

4."After 17 years, he admitted he had a stutter. I noticed a slight delay every once in a while when he began a sentence and when he repeated words two or three times. But, I just figured that's how he spoke. It turns out this was a big deep, dark secret he kept this whole time. I don't care that he has a stutter, and never would have. We've had a great relationship and have always been open with each other, so it was a bit of a shock to find out something new after two decades. It makes me sad that he had such shame around such an innocuous 'secret,' but he's happier now with that weight off his chest."


5."He's a sex addict. There were some red flags before we got serious, but I was young, in love, and believed his excuses. He supposedly has never been physical with another woman since me, but he reaches out to other women all the time. He even created fake Facebook accounts and dating profiles. He tends to message older or middle-aged women, and they talk about sex and stuff. He said he loves the thrill of it being behind my back and the validation."

Olivier Martinez, Diane Lane embracing in an intimate scene from "Unfaithful"

6."He was always controlling, but he insisted it was to help make me better. For the first four years, he bought me all my clothes without considering what I liked. I was in my early 30s, and his choices in clothing were matronly. After 21 years of marriage, I had enough. We were separated for 10 years before we finally divorced because he fought me every step of the way. A few years later, he sent a text telling me he had a second family from four years after we married. He had three kids. He met her on a trip to Colombia, and evidently, she got pregnant the week he was there. I was so indifferent to him by then, that I laughed my ass off. I said I felt like I was in a Lifetime movie of the week. This was back in 2020."


7."I found out my husband was two years older than I thought. We met during my junior year of college. He had transferred, and we were in the same biology class. I assumed we were both 21 because we sometimes got drinks and he always carded fine. My husband had graduated the year before and decided to transfer to my school for a second bachelor's degree in a different field. How did this not come up in the three years we were dating and engaged? I have no idea. It was a very funny conversation to have at the courthouse as we were filling out the legal marriage certificate."

Close-up of a pen on a marriage certification form, showing spaces for names and signatures

—Villa Reese, Connecticut

Jlgutierrez / Getty Images / iStockphoto

8."He was adopted and given back up for adoption several times before his now parents took him in when he was 12. He had a drug addiction that a previous couple that adopted him caused. He got it under control and has been clean ever since. I thought he didn't drink because he wasn't interested. It was because he was scared of getting addicted again and being abandoned because of it. He said he didn't tell me because I would not love him the same anymore. I ended up loving and caring for him more than ever, and I am now more sensitive toward this matter at parties and family gatherings."

—Priyanka, New York

9."I think we'd been married for about four years at this point. We were at a bar downtown with some friends celebrating a big promotion. This guy kept trying to hit on me and flirt with me. I politely told him I wasn't interested, and we moved to a different part of the bar. But when I went to use the ladies' room, the guy followed me and tried again. My husband, who is fit but not overly brawny, intercepted and respectfully told the guy to back off. The guy, who clearly had one too many, took a swing at my husband who calmly shifted his weight to avoid the punch like it was second nature and resolved the situation with no more violence."

Jennifer Lopez in a strapless dress and another woman, both sipping from a pineapple drink with straws at a social event in scene from "Shotgun Wedding"

10."After multiple years of marriage, I discovered my husband still has a baby tooth. There is no adult tooth underneath, so the baby one never fell out."


11."The evening of our wedding and the start of our honeymoon, he confessed to having a daughter from a previous relationship. This should have been a warning of his future behavior. His mother kept this secret from me as well. We are no longer married."

A couple stands arm in arm, silhouetted against a warmly lit venue filled with people and string lights, evoking a romantic ambiance

—Karen, Oregon

Hiraman / Getty Images

12."We had been married for less than two years, and everything was great until one morning. He didn't get out of bed, work, or eat. This went on for two days. He was not physically sick. I called his mom because I was at a loss. He had several stays in a mental hospital as a child and now has bouts of severe depression about once a year. He refused to get help of any sort. No therapy, counseling, or meds."


13."My husband moved to Canada from Italy in 2013. He started with simple lies about where he had been or that he had gone to work. I later discovered my husband, a 37-year-old man, had been sleeping with an 18-year-old girl at work. I also discovered he was on multiple dating sites and that he had sex with my neighbor friend in our condo building. He also hid bottles of booze under our son's crib. Needless to say, I left."

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn sit apart on a couch in a living room, facing forward with serious expressions, in a scene that suggests tension between them

—Anonymous, Canada

Universal / ©Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection

14."Three years into our marriage, it finally came out that 15+ years ago, my husband slept with his best friend's, at the time, ex-girlfriend. Long story short, the friend and the ex got back together, had a child, and were married for 12 to 15 years. During their first separation, they ended up getting back together, and the woman my husband slept with ended up telling her husband. He then texted my husband something like 'I know. She told me. F--k you, have a nice life.' What's wild is my husband kept this from me for four months."

"I never liked these friends and am so glad they're out of our lives. I'm not happy about the lying. I had asked him several times while we were dating if he had been physical with anyone I knew, but we've been able to move past it.

To anyone reading this who's got a secret: It's so much better to face it head-on than bury it and have it explode in your face. We all have a past; no one is perfect. But there's never an excuse to lie. Anyway, thanks to cheap vodka and my husband's poor decision-making skills, those chumps are out of my life."

—Mandy, California

15."I got married on a Sunday and moved 2,000 miles away from home on Tuesday. By that following Saturday, as I washed the blood off his hands from him punching a wall, I realized I had no idea who I married. The sweet, attentive, supportive man I had known was replaced by this stranger who was violent, judgmental, and possessive. Hindsight is everything. I was love-bombed by a narcissist who showed his true colors once I was completely isolated from any support systems I had. But thankfully, I only spent a year in that situation. I'm celebrating my decade of divorce this year!"

Adam Driver reading a book, Azhy Robertson putting his head on a pillow, Scarlett Johansson looking tearful as they lay in bed together

—CJ, Arizona

© Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

16."He's bipoly and married to a woman in another state."

—Bill G., Maryland

17."Shortly after my husband and I were married, we moved for a job opportunity. We're now about a 25-minute drive away from his parents, so we see them much more than before. I learned that his parents are actually very dismissive of him and are constantly demeaning his completely normal and valid emotions. There had been moments in the years we were dating when I saw red flags regarding masculinity such as calling him 'emotional' or 'sensitive' when he expressed anything, but it was so much worse."

Julia Roberts and Billy Crudup are seen facing each other closely in an intimate dance, Roberts in a green formal outfit and Crudup in a white tuxedo in scene from "Eat Pray Love"

18."He had tens of thousands of dollars in debt to the IRS and in credit cards. I only found out because a letter came to the house, and collectors started calling me. We had done financial planning and counseling before getting married, and it never came up because 'he didn’t want to lose me.' We're divorced now, for this and many other reasons."

—Anonymous, Pennsylvania

19."My husband is 25 years older than I am. After we got married, I found out that he dated several women who were married to other men while he was single. One of them even knew about the situation and was one of his best friends. The man wasn't even bothered by the fact that my husband was sleeping with his wife. He even acted as a family member toward their daughter, who is younger than I am. That's not all either..."

A person in a sleeveless top holds their pregnant belly. A plant and floor lamp are in the background

Did your husband have a shocking secret? Share your story in the comments!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.