"I'm Scared Of Telling My Wife": 24 Massive Confessions And Secrets People Don't Plan On Disclosing To Their Family Members Anytime Soon

Note: This post contains mentions of sexual abuse, substance abuse, and miscarriage.

Recently, members of the BuzzFeed Community came forward and revealed the major secrets they're keeping from their family members, and they range from salacious to heart-rending. Here are some of the secrets that might just have your jaw on the floor:

1."I've been married to my husband for 14 years and have a beautiful daughter. My husband is the kindest, most generous man. He loves me, and I love him so much. However, I've recently developed feelings for a younger man. I can't stop thinking about him and trying to justify my time with him. He makes me feel so happy. I wish I could tell my husband about it and let him know how happy this other man makes me, but he would never forgive or trust me again. So I just keep it bottled up."

2."My grandmother has been on a mental decline the past couple of years, and it's manifesting through anger. My relationship with her has soured, but the secret is that I'm genuinely beginning to hate her. I know that her behavior is not her fault, but my mom won't let me publicly express that my grandmother needs help. It's driving me nuts, and I don't like having to bite my tongue around her."

—Anonymous

3."I've been gay all my life and came out to everyone (including my family) at 18 years old. From then to my late 20s, I advertised as a sex worker in gay newspapers and magazines. I made a ton of cash, traveled the world, and paid for my college education with the earnings from my work. And I have to say that, with very few exceptions, I enjoyed it a lot! Those days are long behind me, but none of my family has a clue. They think I was working in the travel and tourism business. If only they knew."

4."My dad has struggled with alcoholism and addiction for most of his life since the 1970s. He and my mom actually met at an AA meeting back in the '80s, got married, and had me a decade later. My mom has been sober since and has never smoked or drank since 1987. My dad has relapsed multiple times, though, and my mom doesn't know about his most recent. She still thinks he's been sober since 2019, but in July of this year, I caught him smoking weed in the backyard while my mom was running errands. He's been so dependent on weed in the past that he got fired for smoking at his government job while on government property. I promised I wouldn't tell my mom he was using again so long as he promised to get sober for real — and that he at least wouldn't drive while high. My mom is 64 and would divorce his ass and make the whole family's life hell if she found out. As far as I know, he's been sober since I caught him, but I can't be certain."

—Anonymous, Virginia

5."I had a botched abortion and convinced everyone (including other medical professionals) that it was a miscarriage. I had no choice but to abort because my partner was abusive and controlling. He was never a father to our other children, and I was broke. For my family, I will take the pregnancy to my grave. For my abusive partner, I will never tell him what I actually tried to do out of sheer fear of what he would do to me. I wanted my baby so badly; I simply couldn't bring a child into a world of poverty and without any support. I'm struggling with this, but it's what I had to do."

6."I've been dating a twin for the past two years. I have mad, passionate sex with his brother every chance I get. It's wrong, but I get my emotional needs met by one and my physical ones by another. Plus, they look, talk, and act almost the same. It's easy to trick myself into thinking what I'm doing is okay. I know it's going to blow up eventually, but I can't stop."

—Anonymous

7."Seven years ago, I went on a Disney cruise as a middle-aged married woman with two children. I felt and looked frumpy. The server for our table every night at dinner was a 27-year-old, beautiful guy. One day, I saw him by the pool, and we talked about our lives a bit. When I got home, he had messaged me on Facebook. We messaged endlessly for months, and I felt myself bloom. He had a four-hour window to be off the ship in Florida one day. I told my husband I had to be at work early, jumped on a plane, met him at the airport, spent a torrid three hours with him, and flew home by dinner. NO ONE knows, and I will never tell. To this day, we communicate often, and I consider him one of my best friends."

8."I was a catfish for years. I don't know why I did it, but I think it stemmed from my denial about my sexuality. I catfished five girls and had multiple 'characters.' The worst part about it is that they were all my friends, but perhaps I had crushes on them. No one knows except three of the girls I'd catfished, and I'm scared of telling my wife."

9."I was in a cult. Not a Jonestown-level cult, but a small, high-control group that had a lot of cultlike aspects. My friends know about it, but I don't know how to tell my parents. I don't want them to think I'm weak, gullible, and stupid — nor do I want them to worry about me. (Not to say that people who end up in cults are any of those things, considering how manipulative groups like that are.) The group I was in was fighting for a cause I believed in, but eventually, I stopped believing in their methods. I was only there for a few months before I realized how bad it was, and thankfully, I was able to leave."

—Anonymous

10."I go on Grindr sometimes for fun, one-time hookups. My wife knows, but my parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, children, and pets will never."

11."I was in a relationship with a man for eight years. We were engaged. I ended up having an affair with his brother, which was something I never imagined doing. It lasted for about a year. We were both in relationships and then he got his girlfriend pregnant. Why did I let it go on for so long? I don't know. I left my fiancé after the guilt absolutely broke me. No one knows the real reason I left, and no one ever found out about the affair. And on my end, no one ever will."

—Ellie, 26, United States

12."I was a 'sugar baby.' I got paid money, clothing, handbags, and more in exchange for having relationships with older men. Not a soul knows this about me."

13."My stepbrother and I got really close when our parents first started dating. One night, he kissed me. It didn't go any further, but we snuck out together on occasion. Down the road, we both got married, but over the years, our marriages deteriorated. One night, in my mid-20s, he invited me over, and we slept together. Since then, we've both remarried and now have kids, but what happened between us will go to the grave."

—Anonymous

14."My husband and I are poly, and I (nonbinary) have met a woman who happens to be transgender and will be my future wife. My husband will be my Best Man, and my kid is excited to have two moms. But the thing is, my super religious parents think she's my best friend, and they always ask about her hysterectomy and how she's healing. We are not telling them a thing about the truth. I'm happier now than I've ever been, my kid is happy, and my husband will get to move out and get his own place, which makes him happy. It's right for us, no matter what anyone else thinks!"

15."I have a cousin who has autism, and I often used to do little experiments on him, like testing his skills and trying some therapy methods. I used the information as research for my college thesis. No one knows I did this, and I don’t know how my family would react if they ever found out, so I plan on keeping it a secret."

—Anonymous

16."I'm a straight, masculine male who wears panties. No, I don't want to steal yours; I buy my own. I feel sexy in them. A little satin never hurt anyone."

17."My brother sexually assaulted me as a kid. I'm 33 now, and he later came out as gay. When I told my mom about it, I was put into sex therapy immediately. My brother works in law and got married to his partner last year, but I didn't show up to the rehearsal dinner because I was having a mental breakdown. The trauma is still very real. His partner doesn't know, but I'm sure his family thinks I'm a bad person for not showing. But I'm not sorry for not wanting to attend the wedding of someone who sexually abused me as a kid. I hate my brother with a passion, and he doesn't know that our mom knows, either."

—Anonymous

18."I can never tell my grandparents that I'm trans and that I've been dating my partner, who is agender, for six years. I've been on testosterone for about five years, so my voice has dropped, and I have facial hair. My grandparents use my legal name (I changed my birth name to a different one), but I know they do and will always misgender me. Because of the physical changes, I won't and can't see my grandparents in person, and it breaks my mom's and my heart. They are in their mid-90s and pretty conservative, so I know they wouldn't 'get it' or understand my identity, let alone my partner's lack of gender and pronouns. They haven't put two and two together, that my partner and I are together and own a house. They don't know I'm queer, either."

19."This secret is a bit more silly. My stepdad used to take REALLY long showers — so long that I'd be waiting outside to use the bathroom. So, one day when I was nine, I couldn't take it anymore and ran outside, pooped in the yard, and went back inside. My mom had been having a dispute with our neighbor for a few weeks about something, so she always thought our neighbor had pooped in the yard in retaliation. But, nope, it was me."

—michelangelofangirl

20."I slept with my best friend's boyfriend. She's been my best friend since kindergarten. Her boyfriend and I went to the same college. We were studying one day, and then it just happened. We agreed never to speak about it. My best friend and her boyfriend have been together for almost 15 years and are now engaged. I'll never tell her, and if he does, it'll devastate her, and I'll lose my best friend. It's been nearly six years, so I doubt he'll say anything. Plus, we're never really around each other anymore."

21."I have a cousin a couple of months older than me who seems to be in love with me. When we were teens, he admitted to wanting me sexually. He tried sending me nudes and told me he 'got off' to my pictures on Instagram. I blocked him and tried to laugh it off while trying to distance myself. Recently, he brought the attraction up again, saying he still wanted me. We are both 25 now, and I'm pregnant with a second kid. My boyfriend knows about him, but he still comes to every family event, and I always feel him staring at me. I just wish he'd meet someone and move on. I'll never tell my family about it because I'd hate to ruin our family events. I just do my best to avoid him and never be alone at family functions."

—meghancrowley

22."I don't want to be with my current partner. I've looked at so many ways to leave, but since becoming a stay-at-home mom when I had our kid, trying to find work that would pay enough to support us is almost impossible. We live in an area that doesn't really have any non-minimum wage work, but housing is very high, so I'm stuck trying to give my kid a better life. The thing is that none of my family would care if I left my husband since he's not a good partner or father (not abusive, but neglectful), but the part I can't tell them is that a major reason I haven't left is that I'm not willing to move in with them, either. Moving in with my family wouldn't be any better of a situation for my kid because they are narcissistic bullies."

23."I'm a lesbian. Most people wouldn't think that I think it's a big deal since I come from Southern California, after all. But I grew up in a conservative Mormon pocket in a Jewish family, which is its own can of worms. My dad and mom have always presented themselves as allies outwardly, but inwardly, I know they are intolerant pieces of crap. They know I like girls, but they don't know that I ONLY like girls. They are still counting on me to marry a man and have kids. I love my parents and don't want to break their hearts, but I know that if I ever told them I'd never have biological kids with a man, it would break them."

—Anonymous

24.Lastly: "In my 20s, I was absolutely broke, and my only sister was in another country working for the Peace Corps. I knew her social security number, so I got a credit card in her name and used it for food and paying the bills. There was definitely no frivolity; I was so desperate. Due to my inability to manage money, I quickly maxed out the card, and it went unpaid. I moved and hoped the problem would disappear. When my sister finally tried to get a credit card a few years later, she was denied. She found out her credit was in the toilet but could not trace any of it back to me; she just thought someone had stolen her identity. Well, it's taken over a decade for her to repair her credit, and I couldn't possibly feel more guilty."

Wow, that was such a wild ride that I think I need to lie down for a bit. If you have a secret that you can never tell your family members but want to relieve yourself of the burden a bit, you can share it with us in the comments or anonymously submit your story using this form!

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length/and or clarity.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.