Yahoo Lifestyle People With Autism Are Sharing The Things They Thought Were "Normal" Until A Neurotypical Person Told Them Otherwise, And It's Illuminating
Recently, Reddit user u/only_mostly_sane asked, "People with autism, what did you think was 'normal' until a neurotypical person told you otherwise?" Here are some of their responses:
This post is for educational and informational purposes only. The advice given is not meant to replace therapy with your own provider.
1."Believing exactly what people say when they say something and being shocked when it turns out they didn't mean it the way they said it, and there was something in the WAY they said it that I was supposed to have picked up on."
2."When someone tells me a story and I respond by telling a similar story. I thought I was showing that I understand how they feel, but apparently it’s me making it about myself. Whoops."
3."I always thought it was completely normal to rehearse conversations in my head before having them — like, full-on scripts for every possible response. When someone finally told me most people don’t do that, I was honestly shocked. It blew my mind that people just wing social interactions without a mental rehearsal. Still can’t imagine how that works."
4."For me, tone is always an issue. I think I'm trying to be very polite, and people will tell me I am rude or demanding. I'm diagnosed ADHD, but as my wife's good friend who makes diagnoses for neurodivergent children put it, 'If [my name] doesn't have autism, I don't know who the f*** does.'"
5."The fact that I have to consciously tell myself to show expressions during conversations. 'It's time to smile now,' 'People are laughing, I need to laugh too,' "Remember to look at the person talking.' For so long I just thought that was how people worked. The fact that it comes naturally for most people is still kind of hard to understand."
6."I used to think there was no way I was autistic because I was SO GOOD at eye contact, not realizing that spending an entire conversation forgetting to listen to what the other person is saying because you’re concentrating so hard on making an appropriate amount of eye contact is actually not normal."
7."Apparently people can have conversations with others in a loud environment. I had my hearing checked because I legitimately can’t hear a word people say at parties, but it turns out it's just sensory processing disorder."
8."My paternal grandma told me that avoiding eye contact made me look shady, so I would lock eyes until my eyes watered and the person I was staring at was supremely uncomfortable. At age 30, I was finally diagnosed. Now I'm not an owl peeking into your soul."
9."I only just this year learned the term 'maladaptive daydreaming.' I had no idea it was uncommon to space out so thoroughly in one's head as to be completely oblivious to all external sensory input for an hour or longer."
10."I'm neurotypical, but my wife is autistic and one time, we had a dinner party with her work friends from their elementary school. The other women said teaching special ed is hard because they must learn to communicate with the kids. She said teaching special ed is easy for her, and she finds it harder to communicate with general ed kids."
11."Needing people to have factually correct information. I was in my late 30s before I understood that it was considered rude by neurotypical people to correct their incorrect beliefs about the world. If something I believe to be true is wrong, then I would like to be corrected — with reliable sources, of course. Who wants to walk around with scientifically incorrect information?"
12."I took everything literally. I didn't pick up social cues or realize people were saying things to be polite. It caused me to think people were liars or full of sh*t because they didn't do or say what they said they would. To be fair, I still do. If you aren't going to do it, don't say it! I'm just saying."
13."I thought it was normal to obsessively research my interests until I knew everything about them."
14."It took me until well into my 20s to realize that consent could be applied to things other than sex. I generally don't like being touched, but my entire life, people demanded I hug them. Friends, family, people at school, neighbors, whatever. When I didn't, they would tell me I was rude, or they would make fun of me for hugging them weirdly. When I was around 25, I made a new friend and after the first time I went to her place, she tried to hug me goodbye. I was, of course, weird as f*ck about it. The next time I saw her she apologized for it, but I was so confused by that. Why would you apologize? Nobody else gives a sh*t that I don't like it. This is just another social convention that I have to put up with. "
"It only dawned on me then that people saying, 'Well, but I want to hug you,' is not more important than me saying, 'I don't like that.' And that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't the a*hole — the people who forced me to do something I wasn't comfortable with were."
15."I thought it was normal to have to learn human behavior and reactions. I had a journal as a kid where I wrote down what certain actions, facial expressions, and body language meant. I showed it to a friend who said, 'Duh, everyone knows that.'"
16."When I started to figure out I was autistic a few years ago, my husband commented about the fact that I don't try to make people like me. I was like, 'What do you mean?' He explained most people try to endear themselves to the people around them, such as with coworkers or in-laws. I didn't think it was any of my business what people thought of me, let alone that I was supposed to be trying to make people like me."
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
