Does Your Job Define You?

Between the rise of team-bonding events, BlackBerries and our increasingly long workdays – one in five Australians are working more than 50 hours a week – our careers loom larger in our lives than ever.

The result? Our jobs mean more to us, and, unlike previous generations, we see them as a way to find fulfilment, and not just as a way to make money. "When you ask people to tell you about themselves, so often they start with their job," says Jane Williams, clinical director at The Sanctuary, a rehab clinic that often treats workaholics. "People increasingly measure their self worth by their achievements at work."

But relying on your job for self-esteem can make for an unhealthy, uninteresting life.

Understand The Cycle

Judging your self worth by your job status is a "self-esteem trap" says James O'Loghlin, author of How To Balance Your Life (Allen & Unwin, $26.99). "The more time you spend doing something, the better you get at it, the more comfortable you feel doing it," he explains. The upshot? You spend more time at work, where you feel like "someone". "Recognising this behaviour allows
you to change it," advises O'Loghlin.

Quit people pleasing

People who define themselves by their careers tend to require validation from others; whether they're "creatives" or "corporates", they use their careers to impress people and rely on work achievements to feel good about themselves. O'Loghlin advises against benchmarking yourself against things that are out of your control, such as what other people think of you. Instead of external validation, seek internal validation. "Have you lived up to what you want your life to be?" Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness.

Banish your "I'm too important" mentality

Switch off your "on call" mentality, says Williams, and regularly turn off your BlackBerry (even if it means telling your boss you're out of range). "You're not indispensable," reminds O'Loghlin. "No-one is. The most powerful person in the world [JFK] was killed in 1963. Did America fall apart? No, they calmly installed the vice-president, and off they went. None of us are as important as we think we are."

Recast yourself

You're more than the "sales manager", and typecasting yourself this way makes you seem one-dimensional. "We are more than just a job title. We are parents, yoga-lovers, film buffs and optimists," says Williams. Lost touch with your inner self? Spend five minutes with a close friend swapping thoughts on what you like about each other.

Rediscover yourself

"If you do anything a lot, it inevitably means you're missing out on other things – and that makes you boring," points out O'Loghlin, who suggests learning new skills outside of work. Williams adds, "Using a new skill, like yoga, salsa dancing, or drawing, gets you excited about life again and gets your brain to work differently." Plus, with more things going on in your life, suddenly a bad day at work won't seem like such a big deal.

Reconnect

We're taught that if we work hard, we enjoy success as a reward. "We've missed the point," says Williams. "Meaningful family relationships in life are the reward."

Curb Your Enthusiasm

It's fine to feel proud of your achievements, but watch out if you tick off too many of these points.

• When meeting new people, you ask what they do – hoping that they'll ask you about your job.

• Your personal mobile phone message relays your job title in full.

• You regularly ring work while on holiday to check that everything's OK. If it is, you feel disappointed.

• You always find excuses to hand out your business card, or put your job title on everything from dating websites to medical forms.

• You look forward to performance reviews the way others look forward to Christmas holidays.

• Your family know your co-workers by name, as most of your friends are current or former colleagues.