De La Calle's tepache is vibrant at its best and a smidge too weird at its worst

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I'll admit, I didn't know what tepache was when a brightly colored mix pack from De La Calle! arrived at my door. My experience with Mexican non-alcoholic beverages was largely rooted in full sugar sodas and horchata.

But the idea of a spiced soft drink with fermented pineapple rind and a wide array of native flavors was intriguing. This wasn't a basic lineup of lemon lime, root beer or orange soda. This was Mango Chili and Ginger Manzana and Cactus Prickly Pear. And at an average toll of 50 calories per can, it was a relatively healthy one.

Is it any good?

Ginger Manzana: B+

My first tepache experience is one that sounds kinda awesome. Ginger and apple should be a solid sweet/spice combination like apple and cinnamon. True to form, the pour gives off some "fresh baked pie" smells -- albeit with a sharper tang than you'd get from cinnamon.

The opening sip is a little shallow. You get that apple and a little bit of ginger, but neither feels fully formed. That leaves it with a bit of a seltzer vibe, though it's got a lot more working for it than your typical La Croix.

My minor disappointment aside, the taste is a unique blend that works well together. The sweetness of the apple is snapped off by the minor spice of the ginger. There's a very small, but noticeable, amount of heat at the end that leaves each sip dry and delightful. Poured into a glass you can see why -- tiny flecks of ginger, cinnamon and black pepper extract dot the drink, slowly falling toward the bottom as a slow current of bubbles moves in the opposite direction.

The fermented, probiotic cultures within don't seem to make a difference on your tongue. Ultimately you're left with something more flavorful than a seltzer but not as strong as a soda, which makes sense at 45 calories. It straddles these worlds well, and while I might like a little more flavor I certainly appreciate it for what it is.

Pineapple Spice: B+

This pours like the ginger, with a small but steady current of bubbles floating upward. Despite the promise of cinnamon and black pepper extract, we're missing the small flecks of spice that dotted the previous glass. Turns out that comes later -- there's a little bit of settling in each can.

The taste remains solidly similar, however. The cinnamon underneath keeps that "apple pie bubble gum" flavor intact even after swapping out apples for pineapple. What could have been an acidic, too-juicy mess is well balanced. There's an even trade between sweet, sour and just a little bit of heat. The flavors feel more vibrant here, even if the pineapple and cinnamon are a little muddled up in each other.

It also feels like this is setting the tone for the rest of these tepache drinks. I'm an extreme neophyte to the genre, but there's a certain candy feel behind it that brings a little density and a certain tang along with those active cultures. This tastes like there's more heft behind it than the 45 calories promised. It's got an almost bready quality that carries those flavors brightly from start to finish.

Grapefruit Lime: A-

OK, here's a flavor without any spices -- no ginger, no black pepper, no cinnamon. Let's see if it still gives off a slightly pie-adjacent flavor. Admittedly, grapefruit isn't the first flavor I'd pull from a mix pack, but when done right it's pretty solid.

Two different smells hit me. Sticking my nose over the can unleashes pure green Skittles -- the original lime flavor. Putting a glass up to my lips unlocks some lime and tangy grapefruit. Both come off full bodied and sweet. I'm excited.

Indeed, the lime is the headline here. Since it's actual lime juice and not the nebulous "citric acid," it's crisp and bright. It's balanced off by a muted but important grapefruit and the turbinado sugar of the tepache lurking underneath. This creates a rich, deep flavor that goes beyond the spicier flavors that opened this review.

It's great. Sweet but not cloyingly so. Tart enough to end each sip slightly dry. You do get a bit of those fermented cultures that thicken up the gulps left toward the bottom of the can, which is notable but not too much of a deterrent.

Mango Chili: C?

I'm a little trepidatious about this one. Not as much about the chili as the mango. Thanks to my stupefying urushiol allergy, even looking at the skin of that fruit means two weeks of itchy, oozy rashes.

Cracking the can unleashes an intense smell. It's a little harsh and spicy but there's a juicy sweetness underneath. Still, it doesn't give off a scent that makes me want to drink it any more. At least, not without a little booze in it.

But on we go, unadulterated. The first sip is a tug of war between juice and spice, sweet and minor heat. It's weird. Eventually the mango wins out and you're left with a small, sharp and sugary aftertaste that lingers for a while.

Do I like it? I genuinely don't know. It starts harsh but ends mellow. It's rich and complex and feels a little bit more like an aged spirit than a soda. Given the fermented pineapple within, that makes some sense.

It's sharper out of the can, where the aluminum heightens the spice and leaves it to linger longer, tilting the balance toward pepper. There's just enough unshakable chili oil feel here to mar the experience but also heighten it a little. I appreciate what De La Calle! is going for. I don't think it's for me, even if I love a good habanero stout.

Tropical Ponche: B

Here's another one I'm not super excited about. Carbonated fruit punches do little for me and tropical punch is generally my least favorite of the widely available mixes. Too much orange.

Fortunately, this smells great. Light, sweet and loaded with juicy fruit flavor. It pours a light yellow-orange with the standard minor amount of bubbles.

The first sip is just about what I expected. Fruit punch flavor with the earthy, spiced vibe of tepache. That cinnamon remains a player, which doesn't work as well here as it does in other versions but also doesn't ruin things.

Instead, it leaves this feeling like a holiday punch. The spiced ale of fruit drinks. The orange remains vibrant and you get some other tangy citrus, but this is more a light juice than a punch. Still, it's sweet and layered, giving you something to chew on as it clears your lips.

Watermelon Jalapeno: B-

Mango Chili didn't work out, but I'm cautiously optimistic about the other peppery flavor in the mix pack. The cool, sweet flavor of watermelon balanced against the mild spice of jalapeno? Sounds kinda great!

This smells sweet and spicy right off the bat, reminding me of fresh-chopped peppers (and all the times I managed to wipe my eyes before washing my hands). Like the Mango Chili, the pepper is the first thing you get before the sweet, cooling influence of the juice kicks in. The jalapeno lingers, serving as the dark canvas that mutes the watermelon flavor and the tepache underneath.

That's less noticeable out of the can than in a glass over ice, but the pepper does seem a bit sharper that way. No matter how you drink it you wind up with a tug-of-war between fruit and vegetable. Ultimately, I'd like it to be a bit juicier and sweeter. Watermelon water is pretty great on its own, refreshing and hydrating. But it's a little sloppy. There's room to snap it off with a sharp flavor like hot pepper, but this is juuuuuust a bit too much.

It does get better as you get to the bottom of the can where the pulp lies -- these drinks separate in a way that's tough to fix without shaking up a can full of CO2 -- but it's still just a bit off. Ah, well. I still finished it without issue.

Pineapple Chili: C+

Ah man, back to chili. I like the backing flavor more than the mango, but cracking the can unleashes that harsh spiced smell that made the first round of chili drink very, very weird.

Fortunately, the pronounced sweet and tart of the pineapple works much better with what feels like a dialed-back chili. As a result you go sweet juice to a little heat to the tepache spice taste I've come to expect. It's still slightly strange, but much easier to drink than the mango.

Is it good? I'm still trying to figure that one out. The pineapple is authentic and juicy. But each sip gets a little sloppy instead of finishing snappy and crisp like you'd expect from a minor amount of pepper. That makes it a little less refreshing but still pretty interesting.

In summation; yeah, I dunno, man.

Tamarind Citrus: B+

It pours like Red Bull. It smells like medicine with a faint whiff of odor toward the end like an unwashed belly button. Oh, no.

Fortunately, it's much cleaner out of the can. The taste easily clears the low bar set by the smell. The carbonation is crisp and you get a very nice tug-of-war between the tang of the tamarind and the sweet citrus. By those somewhat tart powers combined, you end up with a dry finish that brings you back for more.

I was worried -- the smell isn't terrible but is off putting -- but instead this is a unique, flavorful experience I wound up pounding over a 10 minute span.

Hibiscus Citrus: B

Here's another blend I'm not super excited about. The Jamaica cocktail is a bit too floral for me and hibiscus is generally something I like for two to three sips and get sick of before I can finish whatever can to which it's been infused. But VMC made a pretty decent canned cocktail using it and I'm happy to keep an open mind.

It smells like floral lime. Not tart, fresh squeezed lime but sweet, Skittles lime. It tastes like... not that. Huh. Well, no, there's some citrus there -- more lemon than lime -- and some moderate hibiscus and they're very well blended to the point neither one stands out more than the other. Add in the tepache current flowing underneath the surface and you've got a lot happening at once.

My seven-year-old daughter popped up, took a sip and said, "It's not my jam." Then, after a beat, "Wait, no, I kinda like it?" And that's about where I am. De La Calle! is doing a great job with complex, well crafted blends that are kinda baffling. I mean that in a good way.

That's a lot for a drink that clocks in between 45 and 55 calories per can. Even the less enjoyable varieties have been drinkable, rewarding and weird. Some of these would be banger cocktail mixers. Particularly this one, which is effectively a virgin version of an island beverage in the first place.

Cactus Prickly Pear: A

Whoa. This smells *vibrant.* Pouring it unleashes a wave of fresh fruit flavor. The prickly pear is sweet and just a bit tangy, really setting this apart from the tart citrus of the other tepache styles. It's great.

The first sip leans into that. Bold but light fruit flavors ringed with sweetness that's unmistakable but not overpowering. Toward the end, the tepache spice kicks in, giving you some of that fermented pineapple and cinnamon. That's a familiar journey after nine other cans of this, but it's one taken in a luxury sedan compared to the harsher, spicier versions that preceded it.

It's a wonderful blend of sweet and spice. The combination here is something I've never had before but it's crisp, refreshing and just complex enough to keep me guessing.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?

This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink De La Calle! tepache over a cold can of Hamm’s?

The prickly pear in a heartbeat. The other flavors are more hit-and-miss and there's only so much tepache you can consume in a week. Still, this was foreign ground to me and I enjoyed my trek through the fermented pineapple rind bogs.

This article originally appeared on For The Win: De La Calle's tepache is vibrant at its best and a smidge too weird at its worst