Why you shouldn't have a beach wedding

What do Matt Damon, Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck, Cindy Crawford, Megan Fox,
Johnny Depp, and Jewel all have in common with hundreds and thousands of brides and grooms?

They all thought a beach wedding was an awesome idea.

Hi, my name is Josh, and I’m here from the Actually Awesome Weddings Bureau and I’d like to talk to you about your beach wedding. It’s not a good idea.

Let’s start with the suits. It’s socially acceptable worldwide for humans to be scantily dressed on a beach, so why are we all wearing more clothes than we normally would in winter let alone on the beach?

Next on the menu is sun safety.

Healthy Harold told me to always slip, slop, and slap, which is great advice, but even better advice is not standing in full view of the sun in the middle of the day on a ground which doubles as a super reflective shield so we’re copping the sun from all angles.

It’s also not socially acceptable to wear sunglasses in the ceremony so it’s 100% Squint-town. Photos of everyone standing in harsh sun squinting all over Facebook - it’s going to be awesome.

Also, your professional photographer and videographer have got no texture in their photos; it’s all you with white sand or blue ocean.

Did I mention standing? Standing on soft sand for anything longer than a few minutes is uncomfortable.

Talking about standing on soft sand, think of your celebrant dragging his 20kg speaker system across the beach and your wedding styling company trying to erect a ceremony setup there.

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Finally, have you ever tried to have an intimate and meaningful personal conversation in the middle of a sandstorm? It’s not as romantic as you think.

The exception to the rule: A beach wedding can work if it’s right on sunset without the harsh and hot sun, perhaps in a cove or a small bay, with hard sand - or in a best case scenario - on the grass before the sand.

Please heed this advice and have an awesome wedding without the squint, the sand, the sun, and the sexy bikini-clad girls walking behind your beautiful wedding ceremony.

Read more of Josh's insights on his blog.

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