Yahoo Lifestyle This Guy Shared The One Thing His Date Said That Made Him Stand Up And Leave Immediately, And Now He's Wondering If He Was Too Harsh
Dating in 2024 is no easy feat, and I don't know about you, but just the thought of going on a first date makes me anxious.
Learning about someone's past actions in relationships is even more nerve-wracking as you get to know them more. This redditor who was newly dating someone shared what happened to them in the early dating stages in the r/AITAH subreddit, and let's just say it kind of makes me want to give up on love.
The OP started by writing, "I (24M) have been single for almost two years. My ex-girlfriend cheated on me, which really did a number on my self-esteem, and it took a long time for me to heal from it. Even after I patched myself up, it has still been difficult for me to put myself out there and try to meet new people just out of a general fear of being hurt again.
The story starts about two months ago when I was out with some friends. My close friend Hannah (24F) (not using real names, obviously) invited me and some of her other friends to a bar for drinks. One of these friends was a young woman, Katie (24F), who I thought was pretty cute. I worked up the nerve to talk to her, and we had a decent conversation. I thought she might have been flirting with me, but I chalked it up to wishful thinking and didn't get her number or anything."
They continued writing, "A few days later when I saw Hannah again, she told me that Katie had asked about me/if I was single. I was surprised, flattered, but primarily pretty nervous because I hadn't really waded into that territory for a while. I didn't think I was ready to date again but Hannah pointed out that it had been almost two years since the cheating incident. I hadn't been on a single date or seen a woman in any capacity in the interim, and it would be good for me to at least try to go on one date, and if I decided that I still wasn't ready, I wouldn't be obligated to go on another."
The Redditor continued by explaining that he and Katie went on to text for a week before finally going on a first coffee date, which led to a second date. Then, it went downhill from there.
"It started to go bad on another coffee date, almost a month after our first date. We started having the 'our past relationships' talk, and she told me about her high school and college boyfriends. Then, she admitted that she cheated on her college boyfriend.
At this point, I stood up, told her I didn't think it would work out between us and left. I didn't mean for it to happen so abruptly, but I went into some kind of fight-or-flight mode and panicked. I was taken aback at the fact that this girl I liked and had been spending so much quality time with was a cheater like my ex."
Note: Some of this submission has been edited for length and/or clarity.
Sheesh, that was a doozy of a story! Honestly, even I'm a little conflicted about how to approach this situation. One commenter shared some helpful advice.
"I don’t know who said this, but trauma creates sharp edges. The trick is to find someone whose edges fit yours. By that I mean find someone whose trauma does not trigger your trauma. Katie deserves someone who can look past her shame, and you deserve someone who won’t trigger your pain. Good luck!"
—u/afadakosa
This person brought up very valid points about friend, Hannah.
"Wait, what? It sounds like Hannah knew Katie had a history of cheating that she was trying to recover from unless Katie hadn't mentioned it until after you walked out on her. If Hannah knew that about Katie, WHY WAS SHE TRYING TO SET YOU UP WITH HER? She knew you were broken up about being cheated on.
If Hannah is your friend, she shouldn't have recommended someone who had cheated on their ex.
If Hannah is Katie's friend, she shouldn't have recommended someone who was still hurting about being cheated on.
Hannah sets her friends up to hurt each other while she sits by with popcorn, waiting for the drama to start.
You and Katie will not be a good match, but neither of you tried to hurt each other. She could probably use an explanation for running out suddenly, but at least you panicked in 'flight mode' instead of 'fight mode,' and you didn't lash out at her.
Both of you should drop Hannah as a no-good frenemy."
—u/PotentialUmpire1714
Love the advice of going to therapy to heal old wounds.
"NTA for going into the fight or flight mode. That's something that can't be controlled. However, I think you should talk to Katie and apologize for leaving like that, explain why you did it and why you don't think it'll work between you two.
OP I also suggest you get some therapy to help you deal with the anxiety and trauma from getting cheated on. That reaction you had there sounds like a trauma response."
—u/Idonotgiveacrap
And this commenter was acting like Switzerland, which is fair.
"NTA (not the asshole). But truthfully, I don’t think Katie was either. She was honest with you. She owned what she did. She did an evil thing, but it sounds like she has tried to do it and be better. I don’t think it would be a bad idea to talk to Katie if she’s willing, give her a little insight (no need to go way into depth; it happened and was very painful for you), and tell her honestly that this is a dealbreaker and you’re sorry it didn’t work for you."
—u/Hail-to-the-Sheep
What do you think? Do you think Hannah was in the wrong for not warning her friend about Katie's past? Is there a right or wrong way of handling this situation? Would you have left the date too? Share all your thoughts with me in the comments below!
