Godzilla vs. Kong is an epically goofy monster mash

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Streamer: At Aussie cinemas from March 25

Length: 113 minutes

Score: 3.5/5

There are times when you yearn, with your entire heart and soul, for a work of art to caress your senses and infuse your being with poetry. Times when you need the sense of connection and belonging that comes from experiencing fundamental truth eloquently expressed.

Other times? You kinda just wanna see a huge freakin’ monkey punch on with a big arse lizard, hey.

Alexander Skarsgård and Rebecca Hall stare in shock at the arrival of Godzilla
Honestly, the human story in Godzilla vs. Kong is goofy nonsense, but Alexander Skarsgård and Rebecca Hall manage to sell it for the most part. Picture: Warner Bros. Pictures

Godzilla vs Kong is here and it’s everything it says on the tin and more. The film is the natural culmination of the so-called MonsterVerse movies that began with Godzilla (2014), continued with Kong: Skull Island (2017), and most recently went absolutely berko in Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019).

However, even if you haven’t seen the rest of the films, you’re unlikely to get too lost in Godzilla vs. Kong.

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The story, such as it is, revolves around the fact that Godzilla - who was shown to be a defender of the Earth against other big ol’ monsters known as Titans - now seems to be stomping cities and killing folks for no good reason.

We add to this a plot where Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall), a scientist and “Kong-whisperer”, joins a bizarre sounding quest with dorky but hot af Dr. Nathan Lind (Alexander Skarsgård) that involves everyone’s favourite oversized monkey and uh… the Hollow Earth.

The Hollow Earth, in case you didn’t know, is a conspiracy theory so bizarre even Flat Earthers and QAnon weirdos roll their eyes at it. In this flick however? IT’S ALL TRUE.

Oh, and Madison Russell (Millie Bobby Brown) returns, this time with Josh Valentine (Julian Dennison aka Ricky Baker from Hunt For the Wilderpeople) and conspiracy podcaster Bernie Hayes (Brian Tyree Henry), as they get to the bottom of a corporate coverup with monstrous implications.

(Kaylee Hottle) in Godzilla Vs. Kong
The friendship between Kong and Jia (Kaylee Hottle) is a genuinely sweet aspect of Godzilla vs. Kong. Picture: Warner Bros. Pictures

In previous MonsterVerse flicks, the biggest complaint has been the humans’ story kinda sucks. It’s super hard to get invested in dull day-to-day homo sapien nonsense when there are city-stomping beasties gadding about town.

Well, director Adam Wingard seems to have taken this on board because the human’s story the time around is C-RAZY. Seriously, there’s a point about a third of the way in, where the movie basically drops its trackie-daks, pops them on its head, and runs around the room cackling.

Disbelief isn’t so much suspended, as chucked into the boot of a car and pushed off a cliff. And it’s amazing.

After all, if you must include humans in these damn movies, let’s stick to bizarre, semi-sci-fi nonsense like this, please!

Godzilla vs. Kong fighting scene
Let’s be real, 99.999% of the reason you’re watching Godzilla vs. Kong is this gear right here. Hook in, boys! Picture: Warner Bros. Pictures

Of course, the big draw are the bingles between Kong and Godzilla and my goodness, they do not disappoint. There’s a real impact and heft to these blues, with a surprising sense of brutality as these two Titans turn entire cities into Macca’s carpark at 3am on a Saturday.

Look, we’re not trying to say Godzilla vs. Kong is a great movie. It isn’t. The dialogue is wooden, the characters behave in baffling ways and some stuff that happens in the third act is truly bizarre (and never entirely explained).

However, if you’re willing to unclench and go along with its goofy rhythms, Godzilla vs Kong is a slickly-directed, action-packed monster mash and a hoot to see on the big screen.

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