Yahoo Lifestyle Bride Is Avoiding Asking ‘Longtime’ Friend to Be a Bridesmaid: Says She ‘Can’t Afford Anything’
The woman wrote on Reddit that a friend she’s had since high school is expecting to be in her bridal party
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Bride on her wedding day, stock imageA bride has delayed formally asking anyone to be one of her bridesmaids to avoid confrontation with a friend she’s had since high school.
She shared her reluctance to ask her “longtime” friend in a post on Reddit’s Bridezillas forum, writing under the username BitterResolution7201. She recalled her friend “jokingly” asking not to be given any responsibilities despite insisting that she wanted to be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding.
However, since their discussion, the bride confessed she’s been thinking her friend wouldn’t be a “good fit” for the occasion because she’s always struggling financially.
“My friend has been in past bridal parties and either complained about them to me or ‘gotten so anxious’ she left the wedding early,” the Redditor wrote. “She is in school and not working (I am in school and working + paying for a wedding lol) and consistently says how she doesn’t have money.”
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Woman showing her engagement ring, stock imageThe bride denied that she’s a “bridezilla” and revealed she’s planning for professional hair and makeup to be optional for her bridesmaids.
She said her joint bachelorette/bachelor party will be “affordable” because the cost of the house will be split between 12 people, while the food and festivities will be funded by her and her fiancé.
“I came to the conclusion my bridesmaids should be those who I am closest and relate to within the time during my relationship,” the Redditor continued. “Everyone else we have in mind would be supportive and have no problem being ‘responsible’ the responsibility would just be having fun, being reasonable and keeping us calm during the wedding day.
“She hasn’t made any attempt to be a part of my fiancé’s life and only hangs out with me every few months, usually somehow on my dime,” she said of her friend.
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The bride said her friend, who has bipolar disorder, “frequently” flips out on her for not being an attentive friend so she’s worried how she will react to not being chosen as a bridesmaid.
She added that they “don’t really have anything in common” anymore and has even flipped out at her own boyfriend for not giving her money.
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Bridesmaid dresses, stock image“How do I break the news without it blowing up…? Or should I just fizzle out…?” the Redditor wrote, asking for opinions on how to avoid making her friend a bridesmaid.
Several responses to the post tried to convince the bride that she should ask the people who she wants to be her bridesmaid without mentioning it to her cash-strapped friend.
“I have wedding regrets on a few things, but the biggest is my bridesmaids,” one commenter wrote. “They made zero effort, and I wasn't willing to push for it. You want people who are going to support you through this and make it fun!
“Just don't bring it up. If she pushes make it all about protecting her. ‘I know you've struggled with the financial and emotional implications in the past, and you told me you didn't want any responsibility in my wedding. I didn't want to put that on you.’
“Honestly, even if she doesn't go for it, it's better to cause offense now than drama in the wedding later!”
Another chimed in, saying: “Distance yourself. Just become unavailable and don’t return calls or texts. As adults, we choose those we allow to participate in our lives and that is mature and okay.”
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However, others argued the bride was being unreasonable for expecting the bridal party to contribute any money to the wedding celebrations and slammed the way she was treating her friend.
“YTA [you are the a------],” a commenter said. “Do you want her by your side or not? If you do, you know you can arrange things in a way that includes everybody you love without putting strain on them.
“You can get married in many ways from eloping to a mega destination wedding, if you choose the expensive way and your friends can't tag along for financial reasons, you exclude them and yes, that's pretty selfish,” they added.
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