Ask Audrey: 'My friend ruined my pregnancy plans by asking me to be her bridesmaid'

Audrey Griffen
Contributor

Audrey is a mother to a 15-year-old with another on the way. She probably should have taken into account who she was marrying (Osher Günsberg) much earlier, as she’s far more comfortable behind the camera as a freelance hair and makeup artist, than a TV host’s wife who doesn’t know how to work her angles for any on-camera duties.

Audrey loves to cook, decorate cakes, gardening, DIY and is very handy with a flat-pack, few of which you would pay her to do for you, but she’d happily give it a shot for free.

Audrey Griffen gives advice to one woman who feels she needs to postpone her pregnancy plans to be bridesmaid. Photo: Supplied

Dear Audrey,

My best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid at her wedding in February next year and it’s completely thrown a spanner in my plan to start a family.

I’m honoured that she would pick me to be in her bridal party and I’m so happy for her to be marrying the love of her life, but I can’t help but feel upset that I now have to wait another six months before I can get pregnant.

The last thing I want is for her to have to change everyone’s bridesmaid dresses just to fit in with me if I did get pregnant, or worse, deal with me pulling out of my duties at the last minute.

When she initially asked me to be in her bridal party, I didn’t have the heart to say no. Since then, I’ve mentioned to her that I would have to wait until after her wedding now to get pregnant and she just laughed and shrugged it off like it was a joke.

Maybe I should have been more honest about my feelings but I don’t want to put a damper on her plans.

Help!

'My best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid and now I have to put off starting a family'. Photo: Getty Images

Dear Preggers-to-be Bridesmaid,

What exciting times ahead for you as you and your partner are starting your family together as well as being asked to play a major part of your best friend’s wedding.

It is great news all around, so I’m a little confused as to why you’re concerned about when you can start trying to fall pregnant. To me, unless it was your own wedding, there’s really no reason to be pressing pause on the pregnancy plans.

By my calculations, if you were to fall pregnant tomorrow, you’d only be 6 months pregnant by the time your best friend’s wedding rolls around.

You wouldn’t be in the danger zone of possibly giving birth any day, or with such a large bump that would be difficult to accommodate in a bridesmaid’s dress.

While you may not be able to partake in all of the shot drinking, bar hopping, wild hen’s night debauchery, I doubt anyone would begrudge you taking your leave when you need to.

Or even better - if you feel up to it - being the sober bridesmaid who keeps everyone on schedule with all of the activities and possibly even the designated party bus driver. The best part is that you can enjoy all the shenanigans safe in the knowledge that you won’t be waking up with a hangover the next day.

The woman thinks she needs to wait until after her friend's wedding to get pregnant. Photo: Getty Images

Another thing to remember when thinking about starting a family, is that while you can pull the goalie and get going on getting it on, it doesn’t mean that you will fall pregnant on the first attempt.

We all have friends who’ve taken a few months or even a few years to fall pregnant, as well as those whose partners just have to look at them in a certain way and they’re knocked up just like that.

Who knows where on the spectrum you will fall, but there’s really only one way to find out, and you should continue to live your life without adding the stress of setting conditions as to when would be the best time to start.

You’ve mentioned to your bestie that you’re going to have to wait until after her wedding to fall pregnant, and that she laughed it off as a bit of a joke. Perhaps her thinking is a little like my own. I’m confused why you’d need to wait, but if I were you, I would be having a more frank conversation with her about how she’d feel if you did fall pregnant and perhaps couldn’t wear the exact same dress as the rest of the bridesmaids. Or how she’d feel if you weren’t able to partake in certain parts of the celebrations leading up to her big day. If she’s your best friend, I doubt that she’d change her mind about having you as her bridesmaid just because you’ve got a bit of a bump or can’t go round for round on tequila shots with everyone else.

I know I’m looking at things from my own perspective, but from my own research leading into our wedding, there’s an ever increasing trend towards bridesmaids wearing different styles of dresses. Whether they’re in the same fabric/different style, or similar tones and totally different styles that flatter each person and their body shape. If you’ve been a bridesmaid before, you’d know first hand how hard it is to find a dress that suits everyone.

The other thing I remember from planning my wedding and in relation to my bridesmaids, was that while I wanted them to be involved with as much of the wedding process as possible, each of them leads a different life, with different availabilities and one of my besties was even living overseas so was missing out by default anyway.

Those things really didn’t matter to me. What I needed most from my bridesmaids was that they would be around me on the wedding day; beside me while I made my vows to Osher; and dancing with me at the reception when we all could finally relax and let our hair down.

And you can bet my bridesmaids came through for me in every way. Those ladies have supported me so much through the years; not just through the months that lead up to our wedding, they helped to make our wedding day what it was - an amazing day full of love and promise for the future. Plus I think they looked (and hopefully felt) fabulous standing beside me.

Things like what your bridesmaids are wearing or if they can drink shouldn’t matter to a best friend. Your love and support are what you’re really there to provide for her and being pregnant doesn’t stop you from being able to give that to her.

So my advice to you is to tell your best friend how excited you are to be a part of her wedding, and that you’ve also got the exciting news that you’re starting the process of trying to fall pregnant and start a family. You are besties and no doubt you’d be excited and supportive of each other. Good luck to you both as you are there for each other in these new stages of your lives. And best of luck (and relax and enjoy) starting a family!

Audrey x

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