6 Best 'Coffee Chat' Questions—and What *Not* To Ask, According to a Career Coach

Just the word "networking" may make you shudder, but you may have heard it's a necessary evil. However, networking doesn't have to be akin to a root canal and doesn't always require attending a stuffy event—networking can take place in more casual spots, like a coffee shop. Enter the "coffee chat" questions.

"Coffee chat questions are the questions you can ask someone you are meeting for a casual but intentional networking meeting that may be over coffee, drinks or another less formal setting than an appointment, official meeting or interview," explains Nikki Innocent, a holistic life and career coach and workplace culture and wellbeing expert/strategist. "They take the pressure and temperature down from what some dread in high stakes or formal professional relationship building."

According to Innocent, coffee chat questions are often quick and flexible. 

"To me, they are the foundation for building in-person connections versus solely relying on virtual or digital communication or connection," she says.

Here, she shares six of her favorite things to ask during a casual coffee chat and three things she recommends deleting from your notepad.

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6 Best Coffee Chat Questions, According to a Career Coach

1. "Tell me about your journey…"

OK, it's more of a prompt than a question. However, it'll get you some important answers in storm form.

"Storytelling is one of my most powerful ways to find connection even with folks who may appear to be significantly different than you," Innocent says. "Also, leading with curiosity creates an invitation to a dynamic of reciprocal exchange...while also laying the groundwork for an interplay of questions, sentiment and learning about one another."

2. "What was your most pivotal decision to get you where you are today?"

Another pro of storytelling: It's a clever way to get advice without directly asking for it with a cliche question like, "What advice can you give me?"

"[There] will be an anecdote or story around the answer that will provide more color to the scenario—the insights and the lessons learned that may or may not be the intentional message initially," Innocent says.

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3. "What stumbles or failures ended up being the most impactful in charting your path forward?"

Innocent loves that this one opens the door for connection and highlights how you frame success and failure. 

"It shows your understanding of the nuance and complexity of showing up in life and work," Innocent says. "This ask allows for someone to feel like their experience was beneficial, even if, at the time, it felt like a misstep or failure. This question shows that you are approaching life with a complex understanding that it’s not a black-or-white, good-or-bad reality."

4. "What do you find yourself wishing you could press an easy button to fix in your life or the world around you?"

This question helps you learn about the other person's priorities and sets the stage to see if your skill set, background or path aligns with their needs.

"The beauty of this ask is also that when this challenge or brick wall arises again in the future, there’s a likelihood that the person will associate this conversation with some component of that chronic challenge and hopefully leverage some of the wisdom you share or reach out to you for support," Innocent says. 

She adds that if you experience the challenge, it gives you a reason to reach out casually again to the person to let them know that what they shared helped you approach the situation differently.

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5. "What’s something that has happened recently that made you change your perspective on the world?"

Innocent says this question lets the person explore their current life and gives you a look at how they're dedicating their energy.

"I like to think of this question as a way to see if you both are nerding out about the same thing," Innocent says. "This also will give you a sense of this person’s comfort level with change and how evolution and innovation play in their daily life. It usually opens a whole new facet of your connection or conversation around what is possible."

6. "After what I’ve shared about myself, is there someone you recommend I connect with?"

A few things here: You can replace "someone" with "person," "community" or "resource" (or use all three). Also, Innocent 40/10 recommends that you tack on: "In the same vein, is there any connection I can make for you?"

"These questions allow for you to build the dynamic past the coffee chat, to both see how you can support one another," she says. "It also activates an invitation to make additional connections as they arise."

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3 Questions to Never, Ever Ask in a Coffee Chat

1. "What must I do to be exactly where you are now?"

This one is often well-meaning, and you may be surprised to see it here. However, Innocent says that it misses the mark because people are unique. There's no way to completely replicate the series of decisions, timing and other circumstances that earned them their current standing.

"This type of question also flattens the multidimensional landscape someone has to navigate to get where they are at any given moment," Innocent says.

2. "Can you do this for me for free?"

See also: Can I pick your brain about the thing you get paid to offer people?

You may not ask this question word-for-word, but people can snuff out more discreet attempts at it. However, examples include asking a social media manager to write a post for your business, a writer to draft a blog with your byline or an interior designer to pick out throw pillows so you can stage your home for an open house.

"Pay people for their expertise," Innocent says. "This isn’t new, but my goodness, it needs to be repeated because there is still this expectation of free access to someone else’s time, labor or hard-earned wisdom."

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3. "How much do you make?"

This one gets tricky, but Innocent says it's best left out of coffee chats.

"While the effort for pay transparency has become more prominent in the last decade as discussions around the gender pay gap and overly inflated C-Suite salaries have been trending, the conversation around salary is something that I believe requires nuance and a deeper understanding than just the numbers in your bank account," she explains. 

Innocent recommends saving these conversations for warmer connections with deeper trust built over time is usually best.

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Source:

• Nikki Innocent, a holistic life and career coach and workplace culture and wellbeing expert/strategist