22 Tweets By Women This Week That Made Me Laugh So Hard, I Got To Skip Ab Day At The Gym

texting your younger sister is like texting a man that is uninterested in you.😭

— khanyi. (@khanyimsimangg) October 14, 2024

My therapist always starts our session with “How are you?” and I always say “I’m good!” and then spend the next hour talking about how I am decidedly Not Good.

— Jamie (@spacej_me) October 15, 2024

had 2 glasses of wine abt to text him “can i ask you something” and then turn my phone off til tomorrow

— tatyana 🐆 (@tatbaee) October 14, 2024

think this ramen spot was teasing with how many noodles they gave me. a comical amount. “there’s no way you can eat all that.” well, guess what. I did. and now I don’t feel good

— sarah (@sablaah) October 16, 2024

hard launching my boyfriend...out of a cannon! that guy annoys the shit out of me. dont worry he cant see this. he blocked me on here fr fr

— meredith 🍉 (@dietz_meredith) October 15, 2024

The 30 mins I allow myself to read books before going to sleep each night are the best 4 hours of the day.

— Maliha (@CaffeinatedLiha) October 14, 2024

just absolutely top tier mom texts pic.twitter.com/3SFohkUTyK

— Olivia Ruth Messer 🗞️ (@OliviaMesser) October 14, 2024

ever since i was a little kid i knew that i wanted an email to find me well

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) October 15, 2024

dreamt you could go into the gas station to buy a picture of yourself pumping gas that they automatically took of every customer, like the polaroid you can buy after a rollercoaster ride

— hil (@plume__) October 15, 2024

what is a crockpot if not an electric cauldron?

— erika (@yeeeerika) October 15, 2024

Was just trying something new… pic.twitter.com/j3pJiYqlej

— ¢orie (@corietjohnson) October 10, 2024

writing is so funny it’s like “this is my favorite thing to do in the world and my dream” “okay then do it right now” “no thanks I would rather do literally anything else”

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) October 10, 2024

Whenever someone hops on a Zoom meeting and is like “Sorry I look like such a mess, haven’t had my coffee!” or like”Please excuse the lighting!” it’s like….babe….I’m physically incapable of not staring at my own reflection for this entire meeting. You don’t even exist to me

— Meg (@megannn_lynne) October 11, 2024

i sent my sister a picture of the outfit i wore to a party last night pic.twitter.com/jbqP510jv2

— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) October 11, 2024

Got rejected after a job interview that I thought had gone quite well. Feedback - “we don’t think you’d fit with the culture as we’re quite a fun and casual office.” https://t.co/ehBoi4OQgd

— Lydia (@LydiaMizon) October 10, 2024

✨☝️✨ pic.twitter.com/jpJuS1PSq2

— Miss Marjorie Regrets 𓅊 (@coffinsneeze) October 11, 2024

Don’t invite me anywhere with a chaotic parking situation.

— Toney! Toni! Toné! (@the_notorious_) October 13, 2024

thank you so much for giving me right of way, please let me blind you with my headlights as is customary

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) October 14, 2024

Halloween is great because it combines two of my favorite hobbies: driving out to a wet farm to handpick the heaviest inedible vegetable I can find, and taking my small disguised children out past their bedtimes to roam the streets in darkness

— scary sarah (@sarahradz_) October 14, 2024

she took the midnight train going anywhere?not with americas limited rail network she didn't, she had pretty limited options

— Alison (@TradWife2049) October 10, 2024

Just tried coconut water. I’m literally begging you guys to stop lying to me

— ed (@EddyWeddyNeddy) October 15, 2024

my boyfriend has been looking at me incredulously and shaking his head because I said I’ve never once looked at the Wikipedia page for a battle

— Lucy (@LucyXIV) October 16, 2024