14 Surprising Things You Should Never, Ever Reveal About Yourself to Your Boss and Why, According to Psychologists

Morgan McMurrin

24 November 2024 at 8:40 am·11-min read

We've all had those moments—when a casual chat with your boss starts with the weather and somehow ends with you oversharing a little too much. Maybe you’re bonding over a recent trip, or letting them in on a long-term goal of yours…but then before you know it, things end up taking a turn and getting a lot more personal than you intended. While it may feel good to connect on a deeper level, there’s a fine line between having a friendly conversation and sharing way too much information. Because even though it’s completely normal to open up to friends and family, when it comes to your boss, some topics should stay off the table—no matter how close your relationship is.

Finding the right balance between being personable and maintaining professional boundaries is key. After all, while you want to show your boss you’re human, you also want to ensure that your work dynamic remains respectful and focused. Crossing those lines, even unintentionally, can shift how you’re perceived in the office—sometimes in ways that are difficult to reverse. And that’s something you definitely want to avoid.

If you’re someone who tends to be an open book and struggles with knowing what’s appropriate to say to your boss, you’re not alone—many people have trouble figuring out where to draw the line. That’s why we reached out to psychologists Raquel Martin, Ayanna Abrams, Rachel Goldman and Tristin Engels to get some insight on the topic. Together, they break down the surprising things people think are alright to bring up to their boss, but really aren’t.

Find out why these topics aren’t appropriate to bring up at work, as well as some tips on how you can filter yourself so you won’t end up having a conversation with your boss that might cross professional boundaries.

Related: 9 Surprising Things You Should Never, Ever Reveal About Yourself and Why, According to Psychologists

14 Things You Should Never Tell Your Boss, According to Psychologists

1. Your Personal Finances

“Sometimes people share financial needs with their boss in an effort to seek a raise; but this could yield resentment for you if your employer is aware of your situation and still doesn’t offer you an increased compensation,” Abrams says.

Engles brings up another point, saying, “By disclosing personal financial details to your boss, they might also end up making promotional decisions or decisions regarding your work hours that are based directly on that information, which could lead to forms of discrimination or put you at risk of exploitation.”

2. Relationship Problems

Even if your boss casually asks you something about your relationship, that doesn’t mean you need to disclose everything that’s going on to them.

“Discussing relationship problems with your boss can be risky for several reasons,” Engles tells Parade. “Firstly, it crosses professional boundaries and can impact your professional image. What you share can also be misperceived by your boss and can affect the way in which they view you. When that happens and biases are formed, there is an increased risk of disparate treatment. Your boss is there to support you in completing the essential functions of your job—if your relationship is affecting your productivity, it’s important you ask your boss for what you need as a solution for that impairment (such as time off), but you are not required to disclose specific details as to why you need support.”

3. Frustrations About Someone You Dislike

“You should avoid gossiping to your boss because you want to maintain a professional relationship and be viewed as a team player,” Goldman explains.

Abrams agrees, adding, “Having venting sessions with your boss can make you appear emotionally dysregulated and dramatic.”

4. Your Partner’s Promotions

While it’s completely normal to be proud of your significant other, bringing up their promotion or new job title to your boss in a casual conversation can actually hurt the chance of you being considered for those things at your office.

“People shouldn’t share information with their boss about their partner’s promotion or if they have come into a lump sum because your boss may consciously or subconsciously use that as a reason to determine that you don’t ‘need’ a promotion,” Abrams warns.

5. Insecurities You’re Experiencing

“Talking about personal insecurities with your boss that are not related to work (such as body image) should be reserved for close friends, family or licensed professionals,” Engels explains. “Your boss is not hired, nor equipped, to manage these insecurities and disclosing them can potentially cause you to appear less competent, damage your professional image, and impact your professional advancement.”

6. Personal Information

When it comes to your boss, you have to remember that that’s what they are first and foremost—even if you have a close bond with them. That means that you shouldn’t share personal stories with them, like you would your best friends.

“Unfortunately, once lines are blurred between personal and professional relationships, it can feel difficult to reset a boundary with your boss,” Abrams points out.

7. Every Detail of Your Marriage Issues

“If you are going through a separation or a divorce and you feel like it’s getting in the way of you performing your best, you can share that concern with your boss and share with them some information regarding what you are going through, but they don’t need to know the nitty gritty details,” Goldman states. “Depending on what you’re disclosing, you also want to be mindful of the way you share it, because there’s a right time and place, and there's also inappropriate ones.”

8. If You’re in Therapy

Even though therapy is more widely spoken about now and is looked at as a good thing by a lot of people, that doesn’t mean you should reveal to your boss that you’re going to sessions each week and why.

“It is simply not your boss’ business whether you are in therapy or not,” Engels explains. “If you have a recurring therapy appointment that requires you to leave work, you must advise your boss that you have a recurring medical appointment, but you do not need to provide details beyond that.”

8. Your Intimate Encounters

“You should never talk to your boss about your sexual relationships,” Martin tells Parade. “It will likely make your boss uncomfortable and can even be seen as if you’re flirting with them.”

Besides that, Engles shares that doing so can potentially result in you getting reported to HR, explaining, “Discussing your dating life with your boss has the potential to cross professional boundaries and depending on what details are disclosed, it can be perceived as a form of sexual harassment or overfamiliarity.”

9. Drama in Your Life

There’s no denying that everyone has their own version of drama that they are dealing with in some form or another. However, letting your boss in on what that is can cause them to think that you’re dealing with too much to take on bigger roles at work.

“Sharing details about any problems you’re having with your boss can impact how they view your decision making skills or emotional intelligence and make them worry about how that is impacting you at work,” Abrams notes.

10. Your Health

“I tend to recommend to my clients that they are mindful of what they disclose and share with their boss,” Goldman reveals. “For instance, if someone is going to have a procedure and needs to take time off for recovery, they need to share some basic information, but does your boss really need to know the specific details? Probably not. It’s best to avoid discussing sensitive topics and oversharing specifics of anything too personal because you don’t want to be in a position where your boss can use any of this information against you in any future situation.”

11. Your Political and Religious Views

“Talking about religion or politics in the workplace can cause division, alienation, feelings of oppression and cultivate a negative work environment,” Engels says. “It’s best to avoid these topics not just with your boss, but with anyone in the workplace.”

Abrams seconds that and adds, “Sometimes, speaking about those things can even cause people to cast judgments that can bleed into how you work together and at times make them question if they can trust your decision-making skills.”

12. Dates You’ve Been On

No matter how tight you and your boss are, there are areas in your life that need to be left outside the office, like discussing how a blind date over the weekend went.

“Offering information about your personal romantic pursuits can be seen as unprofessional in a work setting, especially depending on how detailed what you’re sharing is,” Abrams notes. “Your boss may even end up viewing you differently, which can impact how they relate to you.”

13. Past Trauma

“Whatever you disclose to your boss should be work-related,” Engles says. “If you had a past trauma that requires reasonable accommodation on the job, it’s important to disclose only the relevant and necessary aspects of that trauma to obtain the accommodations you need. Think of it as a ‘need and right to know’ rule. Anything beyond that blurs boundaries and can lead to misjudgment, stigma, or discrimination. Your boss is not a treatment provider, and becoming overfamiliar can cause a fracture in the professional relationship.”

14. Your Social Media

Just because you’re on TikTok and Instagram, doesn’t mean you have to tell your boss your handle or ask them to follow you. Because while doing so may be your way to try to bond with them, it also gives them insight to your life outside of the office, which can lead to assumptions, judgments or uncomfortable situations that can affect your dynamic at work.

“It’s important to separate your work life from your personal life as much as possible,” Engels suggests. “Should you choose to have public social media accounts, you should be mindful of what you post and if it will affect your professional image at work. There have been many individuals who have been terminated for posting content online that violates company policy or causes negative press to the employer. That being said, keeping your personal life out of your professional life is a good rule of thumb across the board.”

How To Develop a Filter

Sometimes filtering yourself at work can be hard, which is why our experts have a couple of tips that can help you out if you’re usually a person who overshares without meaning to.

1. Set Boundaries

“It’s important to set boundaries overall,” Martin explains. “You have to realize the difference between boundaries and rules with your boss and know that boundaries are in place to guide your behavior, while rules attempt to dictate someone else’s. Applying appropriate boundaries for yourself at work will help support the relationship you have with your boss and leave you feeling empowered.”

2. Put Yourself in Your Boss’ Shoes

“Many people use talking to self soothe and often even overshare because they are trying to connect and don’t always realize when they start talking about things that are over the line until it’s too late,” Martin says.

To keep people from doing that, our experts say putting yourself in your boss’s shoes can help.

Engels explains, “Putting yourself in your boss’s shoes is a useful tool because it can help you determine what you should approach them about, and how.”

3. Try Out Therapy

Another great option to explore is to go to therapy.

“Therapy provides a judgment-free and objective space for an individual to share with a person trained in managing the anxiety and trauma that may be associated with it,” Engles reveals. “Having a dedicated time and space where you can talk to someone will likely reduce the frequency and intensity of oversharing in the workplace, while also allowing you to develop coping tools to reduce the need to overshare.”

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Sources

Raquel Martin, psychologist
Ayanna Abrams, psychologist
Rachel Goldman, psychologist
Tristin Engels, psychologist